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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 3:13 pm 
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Location: Richmond, VA --- Louisville, KY
Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best
Excitable boy, they all said
And he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy

He took in the four a.m. show at the Clark
Excitable boy, they all said
And he bit the usherette's leg in the dark
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy


Being the father of two boys, I get a front row seat view of what it's like to make a difference as we engage in the process of turning boys to men.

In the beginning it was easy. Number 1 son went everywhere with me, as my dog did when I was a college student. Cramp my style? Hardly. He was my style. In the beginning I developed a son who before the age of 6 could walk up to any adult and engage in a conversation. I took great delight in watching jaws drop as he fearlessly expressed his opinion about the world around him.

And then they get what I like to call "teenage butthead disease." At some point they have to find their own rhythm, and this necessarily means rejecting their parents. It's a tough time. I've learned that the best way to approach that is to choose your battles. You let them have a few, and hold firm on what really matters in life (like doing well in school and staying out of jail for starters...). Sometimes you can accomplish your goals by word. And sometimes (as I have done by choosing not to drink) you have to do it by example - even if it means personal sacrifice.

But you do what you have to do. And why? Take a look at prisons today. The uneducated eye sees discrimination. There are more nonwhites and ethnics (of certain races) than whites. But dig a little deeper and you see men who grew up in homes without fathers. Boys will push; fathers to some extent need to be there to push back. It isn't always pretty, but fathers who show up have a better chance than fathers who don't.

Sometimes when it isn't possible for a dad to do it directly, he can do it indirectly. OK, so your kid decides you're stupid and out of touch. You just don't get them. Well... every once in a while you can find a teacher, a coach, or maybe even a karate instructor who will be on the same page as dad. You use whatever players you need to use in the game of life to accomplish your goal.

Having a "negotiation" with a teenager about his/her behavior requires the patience of Job and a HEPA filter for bullsheet. A teenager convinced of his/her way will obfuscate, redirect, stall, verbally assault, and (worse yet) disengage. It is up to the parent or authority figure to keep on message, keep with the program, and find hard, objective ways to measure progress towards whatever goals in life are worth fighting for.

I didn't say it was easy.

The "gray areas" are tough to negotiate. But sometimes when you see an extreme example, you see example after example of "gray area" behavior that - when viewed in totality - point to a serious problem. This is when those daily battles appear worth fighting for. Sometimes when you fight for the little things, the big things follow.

Case in point.

SI.com wrote:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard has been suspended for one game without pay for picking up his 16th technical foul of the season.

He will serve the suspension Monday when the Magic are home against Portland.

Image

The penalty was announced Saturday by NBA executive Stu Jackson.

Howard leads the NBA in technicals this season. His latest one came with 1:41 left in the first half Friday night against Chicago.

With the Bulls up 43-29, Howard came down with an offensive rebound and was hit on the top of his head by Kyle Korver.

Korver was whistled for a foul but took a swipe at the ball moments after the play. That prompted Howard to swing his elbows. The referee separated the players and also called a technical on Howard.
- See Howard suspended


Fight for the little things, and the big things will follow.

He took little Suzie to the Junior Prom
Excitable boy, they all said
And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy

After ten long years they let him out of the home
Excitable boy, they all said
And he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy


For a walk down memory late and a view of an old favorite of mine, see...

EXCITABLE BOY-WARREN ZEVON (FAST and BB VERSION)

Warren Zevon - Excitable Boy (live)

- Bill


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:03 pm 
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Location: Richmond, VA --- Louisville, KY
Saif wrote:

Emotional hijacking is a state when an individual's cognitions are overpowered by his/her emotions. It is usually referred to in the context of aggression or fearfulness.

With respect to aggression, it can be said to be a sudden unleashing of rage towards another person. It is an extreme emotional outburst or an emotional explosion caused by an incident that may trigger anger or fear in an individual.

Such incidents happen many a times. There are a number of situations in which a person might get angry or upset and without even thinking about anything he/she might just lose his/her cool and simply explode with emotions and attack the other person verbally or even physically. For instance, an individual might suddenly get extremely angry and begin to shout at his/her friend and even slur him/her. In an extreme case, a disgusted husband might suddenly get upset and beat up his wife badly. In more extreme cases, a person might kill another person with an outburst of anger.

Wife beating and killing a person due to emotional hijacking can be rare, but incidents of individuals quarreling with each other and in the process damaging a relationship are quite common. Such moments do not last very long, but the time that it lasts does enough damage. Most of the times, a person regrets getting into such an act.
- Life, psychology, and a lot more


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:09 pm 
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Saif wrote:

Research shows that such emotional explosions are neural hijackings. In such a moment, a center in the limbic system (a part of the brain), the amygadala, the seat of all emotions in the brain, takes over the neocortex. The neocortex is the part of the brain that is responsible for our thinking. During this moment the neocortex stops functioning. The amygdala gets triggered and in an instant takes control of the brain, in a sense hijacking it. Thus, it is called emotional hijacking.

See The Limbic System

Emotional hijacking does not occur just like that out of no where. Usually certain past events that are disturbing to the individual keep building up resulting in the sudden emotional outburst. If a person is facing some problems for quite some time, they start playing on the mind and a moment may occur when he/she cannot take it any longer, which may result in the extreme explosion of emotions. A person may be too stressed out, or a person might be a bit angry for something that might have occurred before. In such a moment if something happens that further causes distress, then the chances of emotional hijacking to occur increase to a great extent.

See amygdala


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:15 pm 
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Location: Richmond, VA --- Louisville, KY
Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy.

- Aristotle


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:20 pm 
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Micah Tutay wrote:

I read an example once of a man who had clearly been drinking, boarded a bus and had began terrorizing the passengers. A small Asian man jumped in front of this large belligerent man and said something completely irrelevant to what the man was rambling on about. He completely derailed wherever this drunk man was headed with his thinking. Then the small, unassuming man quickly recovered by acknowledging emotional pain the man was clearly suffering. In doing so, the drunk man who had the rest of the bus gripped with fear began to break down, pouring his heart out about his wife recently leaving him.


- Emotional Hijacking With Empathy


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:31 pm 
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Marlene Potter wrote:

It is important for your rational brain to learn the difference between a real alarm and a false alarm. The amygdala can be notoriously inaccurate. It cannot differentiate between a real life threatening event and an event that is extremely stressful, humiliating, or just very uncomfortable. it also has trouble differentiating between a real event and an event that is just thought about or remembered.

***

In reality my life was not being threatened. In reality the only problem was that I was living with a primitive brain in a modern society.

***

Pain is the pure experience of discomfort. Suffering is trying to get away from the pain.

***

The first step is to stop trying to make the discomfort or pain go away. Choose to accept what you are feeling right now. Be aware of exactly what you are feeling in your body. Identify where you are feeling the discomfort and pain. Focus your attention on the place in your body where you are experiencing pain. Try to make the pain worse rather than trying to think your way out of it. “that which we resist persists.”

Hmm... Does this remind people of something we do in Uechi Ryu??

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- Emotional Hijacking: How a Simple Understanding of the Way Your Brain Works Can Bring You Peace of Mind


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