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You have to talk to your kids and make them feel comfortable talking to you, specifically that they should consider it normal to run anything by you that they think might be out of the ordinary. That's what my kids all did/do. It's common dinner conversation that they bring up what unusual thing a teacher said or did that day. However, I have to add that depending on what the source of the trouble is, kids may not always know exactly what is bothering them, and some kids may be naturally less communicative than others. It's probable that the parents missed opportunities to notice, to investigate, to identify the problem as "karate", and to intervene, even without ever knowing of any misconduct. I think some parents would have, but my guess is that an awful lot of parents would have fared no better.

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Mike

Good post Mike and so true.

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Van

I'm willing to bet that the young woman involved was very, very confused. On the one hand she's in a class with a charismatic authority figure with an international reputation. This teacher is liked and trusted by her parents. And then there's the whole thing about getting attention, and not having any basis of understanding about this kind of attention. We touch each other a lot in martial arts. When is it inadvertent touch, and when is it overt touching? When was it acceptable, and when wasn't it acceptable. Did she like it? Did she not like it? Was it her fault? What about all those nice gifts? Would her parents be angry? Imagine the thoughts racing through this poor child's head. And I mean child. THIS is why there are statutory rape laws. The "she asked for it" business needs to be taken off the table.

This is way more common than most people realize - mostly because people don't want to think about it. I'd venture to guess that many victims - boys and girls - grow up with these experiences without ever telling anyone.

- Bill

Yes, I think all that is probably true, Bill. While an attentive parent might be able to pick up on stress and connect it to a specific activity (we have done this), the sex abuse scandals in the RCC provide ample case studies of victims remaining silent until they had reached a later age. This fits the pattern. It may be that if the infractions are of a particular nature and/or occur in a particular sort of context, e.g. where the child knows the adult is particularly well-trusted by their parents, the child might be more likely to remain silent even if they otherwise would tell their parents.

I think the general public was all too eager to dismiss the RCC sexual abuse scandal as a phenomenon of dysfunctional religion rather than for what it really was, a phenomenon of humanity. It should have been a wake up call to all parents to withhold unnecessary and unwarranted levels of trust of all persons acting in loco parentis. Reagan liked the Russian saying Доверяй, но проверяй (trust but verify) for good reason -- it makes good policy. No child or adolescent should have occasion to be in a "no witnesses" situation with an adult who is not a parent or legal guardian. Obviously this usually can be extended to other close family members, especially grandparents, but even with family it is a case-by-case thing that you have to think about as a parent. Any honorable leader welcomes the supervision of others, if only because it provides some protection from false accusations.

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Mike

Obviously all instructors dealing with kids etc, will have been CRB checked,but these warped sexual tendancies escaped through the net ,as they will continue to do so ,even the individuals signing the certificates for the CRB check could have dormant ,but ready to ignite these sexual perversions .

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max ainley

It's stuff like this that makes it so I have to have conversations with my kids about people touching them, and making sure they will talk to me about anything and everything. It's something every parent has to do in this day and age, unfortunately.

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Life begins & ends cold, naked & covered in crap.

The phenomenon is as old as sex itself. It's the growth of civilization, humanity, and The Golden Rule (religious ethics) that's put a light to it and societal rules against it.

We only think it was never going on in the past. That's the side of society that - like sheep - doesn't want to be reminded that bad guys exist.


- Bill

Square on the head, Bill...been there all along...while we were rowing the 'DeNile' river.

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Van

ok so i don't post here much. i have been working with young people for most of my life, if a person is 12 years old they are a victim if they are subjected to something like this. it doesn't matter if they "had a crush" they are 12! if this keeps going for months or years it is the same violation continued for that whole period wither or not there are "breaks" it is the same violation spread over that period, and for a long time after because of the damage that is done to the victim. this girl will live with this for the rest of her life. i hope she can find some peace with in herself because this is none of her doing, the blame resides with a sorry excuse for a human being. for those who know this person and so called teacher don't get all hot, he plead guilty, he said yes i did these things.

to this young woman, i sure hope you can learn to live with this, you did nothing wrong! i hope you go on and have the best revenge, that you live, not just go through life but that you live.

i'll get down off my soap box now but these kinds of things really get under my collar.

dean

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Learning every day.

As they should. And you say what many others feel.


Well put!

- Bill