This is currently making the digital rounds, although I have modified it slightly.
1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a couple copies of Guns & Ammo magazine and maybe a surveillance systems catalog.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray, and Jimmie Earl went for more ammo and beer.
Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the Pit Bulls. They got to the mailman this mornin'
and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it's hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside, they got a taste for blood. Be right back.