|
David-san... I agree...
Since Canna-sempai gave us his inspiring and beautiful post, I guess I'll share one of my personal "quests"...
When my Daddy died very suddenly and unexpectedly, I went into mourning/shock. It was well over a year before I did more than just "go through the motions" of life... except for my "quest". My quest was brought on through my own needs/desires and the dreams I was continuously having. They were dreams of talking with my Daddy, bouncing ideas back and forth, hugging and laughing... and every morning I woke up crying because I didn't want the dream to be over, I wanted him to really be there when I woke up... but he never was. A new day and face again the reality that he was gone.
I completely immersed myself in my "quest", but it wasn't a "quest" in the sense that I went somewhere or in the sense discussed here. My quest was my own form of mourning and therapy. I wanted to pay a tribute to my Daddy in the best, most personal way that I could. I immersed myself in our home office - my study/music room...
I would go to work, come home and spend most of the night alone in the study with my keyboards and music. My Daddy had always supported my love of music and fully supported my desire to go to college and get a degree in musical composition (class of '79). No matter what others said, he never once tried to push me to go to schools like Duke or MIT where I was accepted in engineering (I went back to school later - class of '90). So I wrote music for him... every spare minute for nearly a year.
Classical music... two-part invention, four-part fugue, a motet, a chamber piece, and more... and finally an intricate six-part fugue (with a different instrument representing each member of my family, the timing based on our individual lives, and using liet-motifs with themes, variations and answers), and finished with a four movement symphony dedicated to his positive influences and part of our family's history.
I neglected everything else in my life. I had to for my own personal healing...
Though fully supported in my healing process by my wife, I know it left her lonely the entire time. She is/was so understanding... I have to make it up to her, but how do you make up for going into a shell for a year? Regardless, I'm trying to...
That particular quest (at least that part of it) ended with many tears the next Christmas... slightly more than 11 months later... when I gave each of my family members a CD of the music, a sash made from our Scottish tartan, and a pin of our Scottish clan badge.
Ironically, the day after Christmas the dreams went away...
I still really miss him.
|