Hello Bill, and good mornin' to you!
I'm dressed in black (ink) for my response today.
<font color=blue>Yes, I suppose we can read some gloom in your post. </font>
Well, I’m not exactly overjoyed about the state of my body from the accident; It’s kind of, well, crushing.
<font color=blue>But more than that I see you writing, telling us about that feeling. </font>
I almost never walk around with a cloud over my head, and seldom think about it (the negative stuff that is). Sometimes I get tired-out of this whole thing and just want to rest, physically AND mentally. In order to walk I consciously think about lifting one foot up and placing it in front of the other, etc.; it's not automatic. This is compounded because one leg is shorter than the other one from the accident. And when I don’t concentrate on moving my feet, man, I’ve made some spectacular landings in my time and a few were some good spread-eagle landings on my face. I immediately know it, see it coming, and there’s not a one thing I can do about it except let myself go then after I hit I say to myself “Damn you, Allen. Pick your feet up.”
I’m up now, a little after 3 am, because my whole back and ribcage are on fire. A few aspirin, a cup of coffee, ten minutes of stretching, and writing like this for a half-hour or so while rotating my shoulders and moving my back will get me [back] in shape and I can return to bed to resume blissful sleep.
The writing takes my mind off the physical discomfort. Other than physical, I feel great right now.
<font color=blue>You are much better off talking about it and we are much better off hearing about it. Especially those of us who are in similar boats. </font>
Because of youse guys, I talk about it, and I could get right into the last ache and pain and anguish, and it is a support that feeds both myself and others in the same ‘boat.’ I don’t dare talk like this to healthy people (physically correct people, sorry) because it scares most of them off. Even now when my mom gets verbal about her aches and stuff to me I say “mo-om! Change the subject." Most pc people just don’t want to hear about the suffering of others except as a passing curiosity.
<font color=blue>I do everything I can to stay "up" but it isnt always easy. I would like a healthy body again but it just aint gonna happen. </font>
I STILL can’t get the ain’t part in my head; maybe I just won’t. Refusal to accept my lot could be one of the things that keeps me pushing forward.
<font color=blue>So sometimes I get down. What pulls me out faster than anything is being right here, </font>
Right here, several weeks ago in this forum, you and the others who contributed pulled me out of the start of a shallow nose-dive; just from reading about them and about you, and writing a little about myself. You have really helped me.
<font color=blue>...I'm flying on a cloud. My grandson was born this evening, a thanksgiving gift. How could anything be better??? </FONT>
<font color=RED><center>CONGRATULATIONS GRANDPA !!!!!!! </CENTER></FONT>
New life. Isn’t it beautiful. I wish 100 more grandchildren upon you (eh, eh).
<font color=blue>You get down, please, come here and tell us about it. Most here understand. Don't suffer alone. We are still very valuable contributors to this world and I intend to go on and on. Join me. </font>
You bet we have a lot to offer to this world and I intend on kicking-ass into the day until I can’t kick ass anymore.
I have been selfishly thinking about the big ME throughout this piece until you mentioned the new life, your grandson. What about you? You are a tremendous asset to us all, Bill.
[This message has been edited by moulton (edited 11-27-98).]