Uechi-Ryu.com

Hello Bill,

Several years ago, I read an article that people who survive a severe accident and/or trauma may go through annual emotional valleys or abysses around the calendar/lunar date of the event.

It's getting close to the anniversary mark of my accident and Depression sneaks-in this time of year and dissipates within several days to a month after the magic date. Most of the time it is mild and undetected until the spirit lifts and I start feeling better. Last year it was particularly nasty; this year -- who knows. This is not to be confused with the seasonal depression some people have this time of year which could possibly play a role in the overall effect.

Just FYI and thinking out loud.

Allen

Allen,
That is an interesting story. What immediately came to mind to ask, if you don't mind, what do you do at this time to help you get back?? Lose the depression?? Is this a time when you concentrate more on your training? Does that help you cope and get through at all? This is what I want to pass on, to hear others tell what helps them cope. Thank You.
Bill

Hello Bill,

Maybe I'm just dumb; I know about those things often don't recognize the depression, just like I don't recognize a weather depression is making me ill until it gets here and I'm out of the sick feelings (yeah, weather gets to me).

Last winter I was just hopeless and think one of my contract was terminated because of it but I just didn't care and let it happen. It's like the opposite of fighting with a dark cloud overhead all the time.

I just let things run their course and on the anniversary date of the accident, light candles for 24 hours or until they burn themselves out; one candle for each year that has passed since; kind of ritualistic and solemn; and tell myself how far I've come and have to put it behind me. It's kind of a mental trick but it seems to work.

Emotional scars as well the physical scars run deep and sometimes get itchy (Now it is time to get out the violins because here it comes). I sorely miss having a healthy body with use of my legs and often feel they are a useless lump of crippled s***; this time of the year it WILL get to me -- it always does. I know the story about walking a mile in someone else's shoes who's worse-off, but this is my pain and my agony and my own shoes are well worn.

The bottom line is that even when I feel real bad I don't give up; that is just not an option. I realize the above paragraphs are gloomy and non-inspirational, but I'm not sure how else to describe what happened except what I already wrote on my webpage. however it would be a good thing to turn the lemons of this writing into lemonade, no?

Allen




[This message has been edited by moulton (edited 11-16-98).]

Allen,
Yes, I suppose we can read some gloom in your post. But more than that I see you writing, telling us about that feeling. You are much better off talking about it and we are much better off hearing about it. Especially those of us who are in similar boats. I do everything I can to stay "up" but it isnt always easy. I would like a healthy body again but it just aint gonna happen. So sometimes I get down. What pulls me out faster than anything is being right here, and other places like cancer support groups, helping other people get through the same thing. I like to say, look at me, I have "it", I have been through "it". It not only helps people to relate but it helps me. Yes, sometimes I'm down, but most of the time, truthfully?? I'm flying on a cloud. My grandson was born this evening, a thanksgiving gift. How could anything be better??? You get down, please, come here and tell us about it. Most here understand. Don't suffer alone. We are still very valuable contributors to this world and I intend to go on and on. Join me. My best
Bill

Hello Bill, and good mornin' to you!

I'm dressed in black (ink) for my response today.

<font color=blue>Yes, I suppose we can read some gloom in your post. </font>

Well, I’m not exactly overjoyed about the state of my body from the accident; It’s kind of, well, crushing.

<font color=blue>But more than that I see you writing, telling us about that feeling. </font>

I almost never walk around with a cloud over my head, and seldom think about it (the negative stuff that is). Sometimes I get tired-out of this whole thing and just want to rest, physically AND mentally. In order to walk I consciously think about lifting one foot up and placing it in front of the other, etc.; it's not automatic. This is compounded because one leg is shorter than the other one from the accident. And when I don’t concentrate on moving my feet, man, I’ve made some spectacular landings in my time and a few were some good spread-eagle landings on my face. I immediately know it, see it coming, and there’s not a one thing I can do about it except let myself go then after I hit I say to myself “Damn you, Allen. Pick your feet up.”

I’m up now, a little after 3 am, because my whole back and ribcage are on fire. A few aspirin, a cup of coffee, ten minutes of stretching, and writing like this for a half-hour or so while rotating my shoulders and moving my back will get me [back] in shape and I can return to bed to resume blissful sleep.

The writing takes my mind off the physical discomfort. Other than physical, I feel great right now.

<font color=blue>You are much better off talking about it and we are much better off hearing about it. Especially those of us who are in similar boats. </font>

Because of youse guys, I talk about it, and I could get right into the last ache and pain and anguish, and it is a support that feeds both myself and others in the same ‘boat.’ I don’t dare talk like this to healthy people (physically correct people, sorry) because it scares most of them off. Even now when my mom gets verbal about her aches and stuff to me I say “mo-om! Change the subject." Most pc people just don’t want to hear about the suffering of others except as a passing curiosity.


<font color=blue>I do everything I can to stay "up" but it isnt always easy. I would like a healthy body again but it just aint gonna happen. </font>

I STILL can’t get the ain’t part in my head; maybe I just won’t. Refusal to accept my lot could be one of the things that keeps me pushing forward.

<font color=blue>So sometimes I get down. What pulls me out faster than anything is being right here, </font>

Right here, several weeks ago in this forum, you and the others who contributed pulled me out of the start of a shallow nose-dive; just from reading about them and about you, and writing a little about myself. You have really helped me.

<font color=blue>...I'm flying on a cloud. My grandson was born this evening, a thanksgiving gift. How could anything be better??? </FONT>

<font color=RED><center>CONGRATULATIONS GRANDPA !!!!!!! </CENTER></FONT>

New life. Isn’t it beautiful. I wish 100 more grandchildren upon you (eh, eh).

<font color=blue>You get down, please, come here and tell us about it. Most here understand. Don't suffer alone. We are still very valuable contributors to this world and I intend to go on and on. Join me. </font>

You bet we have a lot to offer to this world and I intend on kicking-ass into the day until I can’t kick ass anymore.

I have been selfishly thinking about the big ME throughout this piece until you mentioned the new life, your grandson. What about you? You are a tremendous asset to us all, Bill.

Allen

[This message has been edited by moulton (edited 11-27-98).]

Congratulations Grandpa!

Is this the first?

Bill,

Congratulations !

Van

Congratulation on the little bundle of joy one generation removed! You know this is the best thing possible ... you get all the fun parts of having kids without all the bad parts. Or at least that is what I am told! Also grandpa will be able to impressive said youngster with a few "ninja kicks" later on ... that make sure they keep respect.

Osu!
Jason

Thank you all for your kind words. This is my 5th grandchild, first for daughter number 3. He has Uechi hands and feet. Had him doing sanchin before I left the hospital tonight. A natural!!
Bill