Sitting on a bench on an avenue of lime trees in my beloved town _ I look at women and men passing by.
I sense their destinies, their goals, their dramas, their loves, and their pain because I too have lived through those times. Life is made up of moments that, allowing for the variations, are all alike.
I see a couple passing by…. "Look," the girl says, "in the sky there are the same cloud waves as last night."
I look up _ the sky is blue and ripples seem to form the white breasts of a woman.
There comes a tall, thin guy, blondish, with his hair pulled back, Dragging a very old bike, all beat up, full of bags and backpacks. It's the same guy I saw at trade fairs 40 years ago. Yes, it's him. He has remained the same: the same striped suit, the same hollowed in face, the same hairstyle ... even the same bike ... only 40 years older...
An old lady passing with a dog on a leash. The old lady and the dog are old and fat. Good friends laughing and talking…can life stand still?
I stopped living the life, the loves, friendships, relationships, struggles, businesses. All this is too difficult and even dangerous. I've tried everything: love with many women, friendship with many people and many jobs, travels, adventures ... Now I have arrived at an age where you have many memories to recant, as a collector. Now I have the experience and what's ahead?
It's past the age of illusions; I can predict exactly how it will end even before I begin any adventure.
For example, if I see a beautiful girl and I want her _ I imagine the torture of courtship, the first date that she will miss, the sleepless nights, the suffering of love ... And then finally the meetings, the sex that obliterates conscience_ and then again the repetition, boredom, home, need of money, the son, the family quarrels ... I've tried many times and seen it all. Now …. I just observe.
Now I just think. So I put my life under glass, behind the glass, I enjoy watching it, and gives me the illusion of living it again, safely and without danger.
If I could talk to the children, explain to them real life, not what they learn in school, but real life, the world as it is.
I would say to a child…you like a toy and you believe you love it for life. Then you'll meet a girl and immediately throw away the most expensive toys. You'll get lost for a woman to live the illusion that she is a goddess, then a mistress, then a partner, then friend, then an enemy...
I would say more to a child….you will know friendship; you will sacrifice for a friend who will take advantage of you, betray you and speak evil of you.
You will make many sacrifices in pursuit of money, position, and career and after you will realize that youth has fled and time has passed….you will no longer be who you think you are.
The money always comes too late, it comes when you become old, you have health problems and then you do not care anymore. At that time you will only fear death, because you saw so many men and women whom you knew and some you saw _ talked to - every day and they are now dead, gone forever, not knowing where.
More people pass by and I observe them from my bench in deep thought. The boy on roller skates who wants to get there first_, two lovers who chat telling their secrets_ a man in overalls with a tool box …who has just finished working _ he seems to be in his early thirties….
and I think…the age of thirty is symbolic for the passing of youth - or the passing of innocence.
> So once I was a child with burning desires
with hopes and dreams of what was to come.
So I have lost some faith but still there are fires
deep inside that I must drench to numb.
Once I was strong, and filled with visions.
With life ahead I set my aims.
Then things went wrong.
Now my ambitions have turned to smiles conserved in frames.
I am sitting numb while dusk is falling. Alone I whisper my "goodnight"
Turning away, when sleep is calling, from all the people passing by... <
My life under glass.