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I received a death threat Friday night. I have no idea why. The caller sounded drunk, claimed they were crazy, and they're going to kill me. I hung up on them. They called again.

Caller ID was useless. The cops even moreso. AT&T couldn't identify the caller. Hmph. Crazy, huh? Nobody who's crazy thinks they're crazy. They tried to intimidate me. This pisses me off even more than if they were to succeed. Or maybe they have.

I swiped the garage remote from the truck in the driveway. I loaded the rifle, and did a function check on the handgun, stuffed it in my pocket with the 'Alaska safety' on (fully-loaded magazine, with no round in the chamber) and made my wife pull hers out of the safe. I prepped the 'fallback room.' I brought the kids upstairs to sleep in the living room. I turned on the exterior lights, kissed the wife goodnight, and then went back to my normal nightly routine.

It's been two days now, and nothing's happened. And yet I've carried my handgun everywhere I've gone except on base, where it's not allowed. It's become habitual. I'm not sure I'm ready to stop carrying every moment. Is it fear? Or has habit become comfortable?

I'll admit, someone threatening my life, even if I have no idea if I know this person or not, did get my heart pumping. It did change my 'routine.' I've brushed it off as a drunk behaving badly, but I wonder sometimes in the back of my mind if this isn't wishful thinking? I'm clearly taking this too far, still walking around armed days later, right? Why does it still bother me, against all rational evidence that it was a brash, drunken boast from an anonymous person who may not even know where I live? Why can't I shake it? Is it possible to get closure without some idiot crashing through my front door donating cavity space to the lead in my bullets?

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Life begins & ends cold, naked & covered in crap.

There but for the grace of God go I.

I can only imagine it shook you, Jason. This individual intended to inject terror into your world, and to some extent he has succeeded.

The problem here is the cowardliness of the act. Anonymous death threat? Yea... there's a real hero for you. (NOT!!) So now you are haunted by a death threat from a faceless punk. Great! Which bush is the boogeyman going to jump out from behind?

My suggestion, Jason, is to keep communicating as you are here. Stay in touch with your friends and the police. Let your friends be your sounding board. Just remember though that someone who has never "been there" cannot possibly know what you are going through. Speak with veterans of violence, and at least listen to that voice within.

But DO NOT let this punk steal your life from you. As odds go - and life is always a game of odds - if he really was going to kill you then he would have just done it. Threatening death awards him a cheap shot on your amygdala. Advertising it in advance lessens the chance he'll succeed.

- Bill

Thanks for the words of wisdom, Bill. I appreciate it.

I went to work tonight leaving my handgun with the wife. I'm comfortable with that. Without it, I am not helpless. I often travel around Anchorage in condition yellow, but throughout the trip to work I didn't even think about it. I'm beginning to put this behind me.

Whereever this puts me, it hasn't taken my life from me. If anything, it's amplified and enhanced it. The last five months have droned by as if I were on autopilot for most of it. Now I've treasured the time I had with my family this weekend. I ski'd better yesterday than I've ever ski'd before in my life. I put in eight hours with ski patrol, and helped a kid who hurt their knee on the slope. I savored the quiet moments, and did some of the drills in Rory's 'Facing Violence.' I trained, pulled Bruce Lee's Tao off the shelf. I meditated, and read from Aurellius. I haven't done either in a while. I should get back into it. I'm reading and studying more, peeling back from wasted hours in front of the computer. Life is good.

In the meantime, if the faceless voice ever feels like getting froggy, I'll be ready for him.

_________________
Life begins & ends cold, naked & covered in crap.

Hi Jason,

Been 'out of touch' for a few days.

I can understand your feelings about this and the trigger of the cocktail 'in absentia'…
Do yourself a favor and tomorrow buy the book by Gavin De Becker…"The gift of fear"…

Look at the index at the back of the book and find 'death threats'…then read chapter 7 'Promises to kill' …then read on from page 108 and forward on 'prediction of'…

You will find that in your case, as you report, chances are very slim indeed that the threat be carried out.

Also rig your phone to a tape recorder of some sort that you can quickly activate should you get another call.

But I doubt you will as the drunken punk probably just dialed some random number…maybe to impress his friends.

But do carry a gun always with you and get an alarm system and a good dog for your home. Do tell the police that you are taking these precautions. Do place motion detectors/lights outside the home.

Be careful of hiding spots around your home…and have your gun in hand as you exit your vehicle when coming home.

Also do make sure you have an umbrella liability policy that covers you for acts of self defense.

Also do speak with a criminal attorney for his advice on how to proceed. This all goes to the 'reasonable man' standard.

But it looks like just some drunken prank…De Becker's writings will put you at ease….

Keep us posted.

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Van

Good to hear from you, Van. I've had De Becker's 'The Gift of Fear' for a long, long time. Thanks for reminding me.




I wonder if voice recording will work with a call in progress (I only have a smartphone).



I forgot to mention, they knew my full name.



It gets sticky on the gun issue. I'm not allowed to transport a gun on base... and since I work there... I do have a dog, and we plan to activate/update the house's alarm system.



Something I still have to look into. Money's tight this time of year.

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Life begins & ends cold, naked & covered in crap.

A bit strange this punk knows your name. Still, if he meant to kill you he would not advertise it before hand for the most part. But then again...

However de Becker feels your case may have very low prediction from what I read. Notice what he writes about how you should react if the scumbag calls again.

No guns on the base...i guess the military doesn't trust their very own. Next thing we'll see is no guns in combat

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Van

Hey Jason. I know how you feel. I had an employee (actually a deputy--I was a sergeant in the local Sheriffs dept.) actually come to work with a loaded glock 40 and three clips and he had left a hit list at home his girlfriend found. He was arrested and bonded out and told not to go near me. LOL. It shook me for awhile. There is no real time frame for you to return to normal. It took me a couple of weeks (my fear was rounding a corner with my family or opening my front door and he would be there.). Eventually your "routine" will return to normal completely. You just have to decide (and it looks like you did) what aspects of being prepared for the unexpected you want to keep. I still look around on occasion (the person got probation and still lives in the area), got in the habit of locking my car door before I even start the engine, and my spidy sense still works most of the time. You're not alone. Glad it worked out. The only odd thing is his knowing your full name. Is it in the phone book? Usually someone doesn't call you randomly (i.e. just dialing numbers with no phone book, etc.).

Steve

Good points, Steve...

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Van

Nasty stuff, Jason, it would rattle any of us. I know it's important not to let it get to you, but it's just as important to stay ever vigilant.

I went and started reading the Gift of Fear again, and ended up devouring the whole thing! LOL. It's an easy read. I can't help but concur with your assessment.



Sometimes ROE can make it feel that way already, as I understand it.



I agree, Otto, and thanks. I actually disarmed for several days (no gun, no knife) when I wasn't around my family, and brought myself back down to earth. I'm no longer going around in code red. I'm feeling a great deal better about this. On the other hand, I'm also looking into getting a CCW and a smaller handgun to actually carry concealed in the warmer months.

Steve, I don't think my situation is nearly as bad as yours. Wow. Yours actually had intent, a plan, and an attempt from what you're saying. I guess you benefit most from knowing what they look like.

My phone number is not in the phone book. It is posted for friends on Facebook (I use myriad protections there) and for close friends and family on Google+. Otherwise, the only other place it's listed is on Recall Rosters... which is where I suspect the caller got it from. I have 15 years in service. It's not lost on me that I've ruffled some feathers during all that time.

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Life begins & ends cold, naked & covered in crap.

Jason,

PM for you...

Regards,

Seizan