Darwin Award

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Darwin Award

Postby T Rose » Wed Oct 14, 1998 2:30 pm

Off the subject but interesting still...
shows what we are dealing with..

1998 Darwin Awards
They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has
been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
lives for this event!

1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head-first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21 dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in
his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flakvest
Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near
Ozark, Ark , after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked the
spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.


1. In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing
his skull.

2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window
was closed.
4. Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This
year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including
one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's
just one bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons."
1. Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre accidents.
Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry,
Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on
his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and
Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten
off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work
and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him.
"I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later "I was really close to
the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have
been for more than two seconds". However, cab driver Vegas did see and
lost control of his cab, running over the curb and into the corner of
the Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was
cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building
making her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In
shock, he bit down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's
wound was caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
2. TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating
three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to
draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A
translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions.
Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum,
being unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she
realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill
with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a
few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from her
mouth, throat and stomach with no ill effects.
3. La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags
the thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it
into the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat
down right on the thing." The extraction took more than three hours due
to the fact that the cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during
insertion. "He was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr.
Dennis Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying
himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and each time,
he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the
time we finished, we really did expect to find an answering machine in
4. TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the
other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out
for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.

5. BREMERTON, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily, were
engaging in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut
butter on his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them
clean. Sadly, Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's penis
and testicles.
T Rose
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Location: Marlboro,MA US

Darwin Award

Postby Scott Danziger » Thu Oct 15, 1998 3:20 am

If I was compiling the list, I think that last one with the peanut butter wins first prize. What a DOPE!
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Scott Danziger
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Darwin Award

Postby Van Canna » Thu Oct 15, 1998 4:06 am

Tracy ,

You had me laughing so hard this morning on the way out to work I almost rear ended a truck !

Best ,

Van Canna
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Van Canna
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Darwin Award

Postby Moe Mensale » Thu Oct 15, 1998 5:59 am

Hi Tracy,

Very humorous indeed. Unfortunately, mankind's gene pool is still in serious jeopardy because several of the "candidates" have failed to succumb to the Grim Reaper as they properly should have and are still walking amongst us perpetuating their stupidity!!

And, as is so typical of the genre, "Attorney" Mendoza is blaming his ill fate upon his trusty canine companion!! Give me a break! Poochie oughta drag a flatbed scanner into the tub for Mr Mendoza to play with next.

Moe Mensale
Moe Mensale
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Darwin Award

Postby Jason Bernard » Thu Oct 15, 1998 1:34 pm

A possible candidate for next years Darwin
Award (seeing the award again reminded me
to submit it)...

Somewhere here in Indiana or Kentucky(I'll have to look it up again) two fellows ran into a gun store armed with a knives. They
ordered the owner into the back and to
stay there while they looted his store.
He went into the back and returned with
his firearm (of course) and killed both

Jason Bernard
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Location: Evansville, IN, USA

Darwin Award

Postby RACastanet » Tue Oct 20, 1998 1:08 am

One more: I read of a passtime, in India I believe, of climbing to the top of passenger cars on the electrified railway and leaning into the wind to get the feel of flying. The problem, it seems, is that the 10,000 volt catanary is up there as well. If you are too tall of straighten up under the wire ......ZZZZZZZZAPPPP. BTW, a few have also met their end on the non electric railwrays by standing too tall when going under a bridge. Yeeech.
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