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Went through the Boston's Downtown Crossing this weekend. Lots of dazed shoppers and some very shady looking people. It's only going to get worse as we near the ultimate of consumer madness -- the week before Christmas. The predators are going to have a feeding frenzy.

Perfect time to practice awareness techniques.

1. Scan people ahead of you. Anyone look suspicious. Make quick eye contact and maintain defensive space.

2. Practice peripheral vision. Anyone coming straight behind you? Yes. Learn to maintain peripheral vision while dropping off to the side. Let the person pass and step in behind. Interesting to see who notices. If the person notices, s/he is practicing awareness, or s/he is a possible predator.

3. Use windows and mirrors to extend vision to 360.

4. Think like a predator. How would you rip someone off and where?

5. Parking lot safety. Think about how you would be attacked and from where as you head towards your car with bags in hands.

6. Underground garages. Same as above.

7. Personally, I'll stay away from bars and holiday drinking. Try to drink and stick with friends who drink in moderation. There's alot of depressed and potentially hostile people hanging in bars this time of year.

8. Have a good time but don't make a big show of it. As Marc "Animal" MacYoung pointed out, there are some folks who just hate to see others enjoying life too much.

9. Wish you a happy holiday season. But you can help shape your own luck with awareness.

david

Hello David.

Some stations are more dangerous than others. I completed some work in Harvard Square last Wednesday and for 2 months rode the Red Line and Orange Line during rush hours and other times. Suspicious looking people and groups sit tightly next to those rushing to and fro work sometimes checking-out shopping bags and stuff. Boom-boxes blaring away; eye-contact ill-advised -- sometimes wishing for sunglasses. These guys don't appear to be easily intimidated esp. when there are several together; forget about the thought they don't want a confrontation, I don't think they care. Once there was a skirmish; in the blink of an eye it started and was over.

Allen

[This message has been edited by moulton (edited 12-02-98).]

David ,

Very timely post . In tonight's news , a woman from Foxboro , [ my beautiful home town] was bludgeoned an stabbed to death at about 8 am , in the adjacent town of Walpole , another very nice town .It happened in the park where she went walking every morning with her husband . It seems this morning she went one way and the husband the other to then meet at some point , and in between she was attacked and killed !

In spite of all the talk about awareness and the color codes to practice the concept , we do not really take this aspect of our vulnerability too serious , and we do not prepare adequately for dealing with it ! And when it comes right down to it , there is really not much the average person can do when under sudden surprise deadly attack with a weapon ! As they say, you will always be attacked when conditions are most favorable to the attacker and least favorable to you , and in the shortest amount of time .

As you well point out , David, the holidays , bring out the worst in some people , and lots of us set us up as easy targets by the way we act, especially at parties and at bars after a few drinks , when we are giving wrong signals to would be predators , disturbed individuals scanning for easy targets !

In my investigations , I have seen surveillance tapes show the many ways of miserable people starting fights in bars after a few drinks , for seemingly no reason at all ! Yes , depressed and hostile people really come out of hibernation this time of the year !

Lots of good women , such as your wife or girl friend , when under the influence of a few drinks , will act in such ways as to invite advances by the jerks who abound the American landscape , placing you in jeopardy as her escort ! This is one of the most common trigger factor for violence in bars and parties , and the irony of it is , that in most cases your own woman will turn against you for having " over-reacted" !

I have investigated so many of these cases over the years, that I can tell you this is a vexing , pervasive problem which accounts for some deadly outcomes !

If you have a wife , girl friend or "friend" with such frivolous inclinations , i.e., flirting at bars/parties in your presence , it is only matter of time before you will be drawn into a serious confrontation with some jerk who has sized up the situation and decided you must be a real wimp , not worthy of respect from anyone , since you are not getting it from your own " girl" , therefore it is safe to move in on you !

In one of my cases , the wife divorced the husband after she was instrumental in precipitating a deadly confrontation where an intervening security guard was killed by the punks her husband took on to protect the " honor" of his wife ! In another , a friendly house party , with friends who drank " in moderation" turned into a nightmare for one guest when , after holding too long a gaze on the crossed legs and cleavage of some guy's wife who enjoyed attracting attention , he was suddenly assaulted by the husband with a beer bottle losing the sight of one eye!

My advice here is that if you have such a wife or girl friend , toss her out of your life while you still have a chance , or if you must put up with it , don't make the mistake of taking her anywhere !

Van Canna

Walpole? Why that is such a small rural bedroom community where you would never expect such a thing to happen esp. at 8 in the morning.

Great comments and a good thread David.

Just a little addition.

The movement in malls have a flow to them. If you think that someone has picked you out, or you are carrying some expensive gifts, then never move at the malls pace. Walk faster, walk against the flow. Anyone pursing you will stand out because they will be matching your pace and not that of the mall.

Rick

Allen,

I ride the orange line everyday, back and forth to work. I pick up the red line at least three times a week to get to new england aikikai at Porter Square. I find the "T" much more suitable to my temperment than trying to drive around the city (unless I have a meeting in certain parts of town).

Yes. There are punks who travel in groups on the "T". It's a judgement call but I always make some eye contact -- not a "hard" stare, but a "I know you're there" kind of look. I've never gotten into it with anyone on the train. In the station is another story... The closest I ever came was with a several young teens who thought it was fun to jump on the chairs, grab the hand rails and swing like monkeys. One kid kept swinging right next to me. I looked at him ("hard") and he ignored me. Finally, I said, "Hit me with your feet and I'll kick mine up your butt." He walked down the train and started swinging elsewhere.

Van sensei,

I had a "girl friend" from hell only once in my life, and not for long. She thought it would be "cool" to sort of "set up" a fight between me and another kid for the "right" for her attention. I wasn't a smart kid, but smart enough to know fighting is serious and I wasn't get into one for a girl. I dumped her quick. As an aside, I did get into a fight with that kid and his buddies over another matter (their picking on a kid). And, they came back looking for me with a gun. Know this -- you should have to fight for a woman's attention. It's her to give or withhold. If she plays it both way, drop her like a piece of .... She will get some "lucky" guy in serious trouble someday. Let it not be you.

Rick,

Nice point about the "mall pace". I rarely go to malls. Will have to check out your observation. Thanks.

david

Hello Van.

I read this morning's article in the Globe about the 75 year old murdered woman who was repeatedly beaten, stabbed and sexually assaulted. No suspects yet. Conversed with a police officer this morning who personally knows the aged couple who just celebrated their 50th anniversary. Walpole is a quiet town, a VERY SAFE community and so is the park in which the couple walked in every day. What is the definition of 'safe' anymore.


David,

The Boston Subway System sure beats driving in town, esp. with the Big Dig in process.

In the 'T' it is not healthy to not look around to size-up the immediate surroundings as long as radars don't lock-on (extended staring by both parties); awake passengers' eyes dart about.

The 'T' is most always crowded (Sardines would be proud to call this place 'home') and contain every kind of people imaginable who jam seats and aisles for a few minutes then disperse only to be replaced by another diverse and hurried crowd. Safe? Incidents are infrequent with danger lurking in the shadows. Safe? Benign is a better word to describe the potential of this subculture 'underworld' of unpatrolled underground transportation.

Rick,

Many shopping malls have become havens for teenagers and young adults with nothing better to do except hang around. This sure beats congregating on the street-corners during cold wintery X-mas shopping season nights. They fly right up from behind you out of nowhere, snag your goodie-laden translucent plastic shopping bags which clearly display the contents of coveted treasure, then make it for the closest door with their newly-won prize. Out the building, all before you can even say "Cheeses! What the?"

Allen

[This message has been edited by moulton (edited 12-02-98).]

Van,

Walpole may be a nice little town, but if my memory serves me well, it is also the home to one of the state's nastier prisons, no?

Allen,

Whenever I come up to NH to visit with Durkin sensei, such as last month, I come through Logan and take the Blue and Orange lines to North Station to catch the train. I always keep my sunglasses on which allows me to scope out the passengers without being too obvious or making overt eye contact. I've also noted that it tends to add an air of intimidation which, after my last couple of trips on the "T", can come in mighty handy.

Moe

Hello Moe.

Sunglasses are good in subways except in dark places.

<font color=red>Full story of the Walpole tragedy in today's <A HREF = "http://www.boston.com/">Boston Globe</A></FONT>

[This message has been edited by moulton (edited 12-02-98).]

David and Anthony wrote : "I had a "girl friend" from hell only once in my life, and not for long. She thought it would be "cool" to sort of
"set up" a fight between me and another kid for the
"right" for her attention

I believe that deep....deep down inside every woman is the hidden
desire to lick the blood of her enemies from the stone cold face o'
death of her man..."

Every man worth his salt, longs for his woman to possess the two most important qualities : 1] that touch of Venus---2] that touch of class ! To get even one of these qualities in today's world is rare . To get them both at once is like winning the lottery !

Some women are so insecure about themselves [ men are too ..Okay?] that they will take any route for attracting attention even for no other reason than to " beat the competition" ! And in so doing will spell your death sentence !

Most people go through life accepting a compromise , and that's okay as nobody is perfect ! But a serious student of self defense must come to the realization that , the flaky woman will be his undoing sooner or later !
There are myriad ways to get into serious trouble over women , some are hilarious as well ; here is a few :

1] Two couples in line to buy movie tickets ; one woman thinks the other is showing interest in her man and she spits in her face ! This triggers a violent fight between the two men , one sustains a broken arm and the owner of the theater gets sued ! Yeah , one of my cases !

2] A couple breaks up , they both end up one night in a sports club with new partners ! The "jilted" girl walks up to the "ex" says 'HI' and then smacks him in the kisser with a beer mug resulting in loss of teeth and scars ! Turns out the girl got into to the club with a fake ID [she was underage ] and , of course , the club gets sued!

I could go with stories …over the years I have handled so many occurrences of sorry guys in deep s*** because they were suckered into fighting over a woman for no reason at all other than to create the impression of righteousness!

Your "girl friend from hell" is very adroit in manipulation and knows how to play on your emotions with amazing skills ! Then she will laugh at you as you lay down bleeding in a hospital bed ! Anthony has got this one right!!

Animal MacYoung , focuses the problem very succinctly : men , in general , do not respect a "BETA" with a woman ! If you do not project An "ALPHA" aura about yourself when in company of a woman , you will be in a challenge sooner or later! I.e., if you are dumb enough to start with >> to keep going out with a pushy , mouthy , flirtatious , manipulative female , and you are not man enough to " keep her on a leash" in public , MacYoung feels that the signals she sends off to other men nearby are interpreted to mean that " her man" is unable to control his date and therefore he must be a "BETA" and easy to cut in on ..besides here is this " dumb broad just looking to get l*** , right ?

Back in the 70's GEM owned a real nice night club -the Celebrity House -in Brockton ; I was there for a while almost every night [ GEM had asked me to help him with the usual problems ] and the fights I have seen spark over some flaky , sleazy b**, would fill a book ! And some men will never learn !

Yes , we as men , sometimes can be such jerks , but we have our female counterparts ! " So if you are involved with a woman who does this sort of thing , explain to her that her actions could easily lead to you getting beat up or seriously consider getting rid of her " [MacYoung]

The smart, sophisticated , classy woman is able to understand what other men expect of her man in mixed company and acts accordingly !

Van Canna

Age-old story, Van. Man wants to save damsel in distress; woman wants to BE damsel in distress (then sit back and watch the show). Titilating thoughts until imagination isn't imagination anymore. -- Allen

This thread brings back bad memories:

I was 14. She was 16. Her gangsta boyfriend was in his twenties. She didn't tell me she has a boyfriend until after he catches me flirting with her. He gave the look that says "Oh please, chump, back off, you ain't nobody!" I didn't back down, even though I KNEW in my heart of hearts that my white belt in Taekwondo would have become a red belt from the stain of my own blood from the beating I KNEW he would have given me had we went toe to toe, but I didn't care, because I didn't want to "be no punk", and he ACTUALLY was ALMOST INTIMIDATED---until he smirked and glanced over at the two other guys that looked just as tough as he did, AND ALL THREE OF THEM STARED AT ME. I did the mental calculations for the probability of a severe a** whippin' (99.999999999%), gave an Issaac From the Love Boat Grin and Finger Point, said, "You Da Man", and walked off, quickly, with my tail between my legs.

That was the first and last time I EVER got involved with a girl like that, although she was really good looking........


Cecil

[This message has been edited by Cecil (edited 12-03-98).]

Cecil- good move.. that's thinking with the right part of your anatomy!

Kevin

And yet another sick one for the cauldron.

Man and teenage daughter, together at restaurant for breakfast. Daughter occasionally looks over man’s shoulder in bursts of short stares (hmmm… girl likes boy, dad thinks). While man and daughter are leaving together, she stops at table where young man is sitting and, embarrassingly loud with feeling and expression, slowly annoyingly dictates: “Stop sta-ring at me!” Young man looks down at his plate throughout the quick roasting and short hesitation afterward, almost frozen but slowly continuing to eat. Man, feeling awkward and smelling something really bad (pun), looks at young man while raising eyebrow and one corner of mouth.

Here was an initially WELL-PLACED keg of dynamite requiring ONLY ONE short fuse. However, both men quickly snuffed-out possible ignition which could have resulted from the interview.

[This message has been edited by moulton (edited 12-04-98).]

Interesting thread you guys! Seems to have two topics - the suggestions for increased awareness in malls and subways and such seem well advised - very timely in this over commercialized season.

As for the other side of this thread...

Brother! How the pendulum swings! After exploring your "feminine" sides - I see that an overabundance of testosterone has erupted in response! To wit...

"keeping her on a leash"??????????????
"controlling your date"
"damsel in distress"

I repeat myself...oh brother. And I thought such progress had been made! Seriously though - some very valid points have been made - as Van-san points out: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote Well yes - the capacity for being a "jerk" surpasses gender. Women can be manipulative, and instigate confrontation, but sometimes this is not intentional! Just because a woman wears something sexy does NOT mean she is inviting advances from men other than her date/husband/boyfriend! What, should we all dress like frumpy housewives to avoid someone challenging your "masculinity?" Oh please! You wouldn't even want to be seen with us! There are however, women who push the limits of propriety - I've seen them and have known some of them. They do seem to delight in causing a stir, but there are an equal number of "macho" types who can't stand someone even smiling at their date thinking they are putting the "make" on his girl/woman and thus insulting his masculinity.

It boils down to this folks - it's the bizzare courtship ritual of humanity. Dancing around each other - hiding/exposing weaknesses and vulnerabilities in the quest to increase a level of intimacy with another human being... moving toward exploration of deeper emotional issues - mix in a fast paced holiday season and a few mind altering drinks (or drugs!) and you've got a potentially explosive situation!

So what? If you are going to play that game - play, but be aware of the dangers! Men and women both have their stupid games they play in social situations - if you are lucky enough to have someone by your side that you can trust implicitly and have already developed a level of intimacy with, then you can approach these situations with a confidence knowing that your partner will be with you 100% if something goes haywire - what great backup! If however these social get togethers are part of an initial courtship ritual for you and another, then do as advised in this thread - stay aware, watch the heavy drinking - and if it starts to look like a confrontation is brewing...get the hell out of there! Get to know your date better before trying that again. If she is truly trying to instigate confrontations, dump her - but watch out for the other idiots that may be using her to instigate something with YOU!

Ok, I'm going back to my mending now...

Peace,
Lori


[This message has been edited by Lori (edited 12-05-98).]