Written words of hostile or demeaning content rarely offend me. I just happen to be an individual who does not dwell on the comments of others. If someone writes that I am a complete buffoon and a terrible person, and that I have no business living, it does not bother me. I think of the source of those words. Does this person live with me? Has this person walked in my shoes? If the writer was my wife, son or daughter, family member, friend, teacher, or student, I would be concerned and possibly offended.
I would also realize…there are some issues that I need to address.
How would I feel if the person was using an alias? I do not know this person although he or she may know me. Should I take these insults as an attack on my emotional security? What justification allows him or her to respond this way? I would just shrug off most comments as unsubstantiated banter.
However, personal slander, for instance… “Len Testa does not know how to teach Uechi-ryu karate and has no business owning a karate school”. Would be a statement that I would consider cause for concern.
Statements such as these could affect my families’ income. I now have recourse for a lawsuit.
I am not advocating these uncaring writers should not affect you. Nevertheless, I would suggest that you do not lose any sleep over it.
Unless these comments are outright slander, treat them for what they are worth…. less than 02 cents.
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Len Testa
Emotions and the Keyboard
9 posts
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Emotions and the Keyboard
by LenTesta » Fri Jul 21, 2000 4:38 pm
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LenTesta - Posts: 1051
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Emotions and the Keyboard
by Panther » Fri Jul 21, 2000 6:27 pm
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LenTesta:
How would I feel if the person was using an alias? I do not know this person although he or she may know me. Should I take these insults as an attack on my emotional security? What justification allows him or her to respond this way? I would just shrug off most comments as unsubstantiated banter.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Absolutely agree. However as one "posting under an alias" and also someone with "computer-savvy"... Whether in forums or just generally "online", it is almost always possible to find someone's real identity. Many uninformed about the medium feel completely immune/anonymous when posting with an alias and as a result let their emotions, fingers and smart-@$$ed wit flow freely. Word to the wise, don't say anything online that 1) you aren't willing to say to the person in person face-to-face, 2) you don't want the entire world to read/hear/know. These writings are completely public and easily traceable. Any moderator on these forums can find someone's return e-mail easily, whether it's published in the bio or not... from that e-mail (even without further information) the person can be found easily enough.
Alias? Anonymous?
Don't count on it! Use the alias as a "nickname", but not as a disguise!
Testa-sempai, you're 100% correct... 99.999% of the time that someone issues forth a Bravo Sierra post, as the old saying goes: "Consider the source... and ignore it!"
[This message has been edited by Panther (edited July 21, 2000).]
How would I feel if the person was using an alias? I do not know this person although he or she may know me. Should I take these insults as an attack on my emotional security? What justification allows him or her to respond this way? I would just shrug off most comments as unsubstantiated banter.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Absolutely agree. However as one "posting under an alias" and also someone with "computer-savvy"... Whether in forums or just generally "online", it is almost always possible to find someone's real identity. Many uninformed about the medium feel completely immune/anonymous when posting with an alias and as a result let their emotions, fingers and smart-@$$ed wit flow freely. Word to the wise, don't say anything online that 1) you aren't willing to say to the person in person face-to-face, 2) you don't want the entire world to read/hear/know. These writings are completely public and easily traceable. Any moderator on these forums can find someone's return e-mail easily, whether it's published in the bio or not... from that e-mail (even without further information) the person can be found easily enough.
Alias? Anonymous?
Don't count on it! Use the alias as a "nickname", but not as a disguise!
Testa-sempai, you're 100% correct... 99.999% of the time that someone issues forth a Bravo Sierra post, as the old saying goes: "Consider the source... and ignore it!"
[This message has been edited by Panther (edited July 21, 2000).]
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Panther - Posts: 2809
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Emotions and the Keyboard
by gmattson » Fri Jul 21, 2000 7:39 pm
On-line, I'm very forgiving when someone says something that at first I take as an insult. First thing I do is read the sentence a couple of time with different pauses and inflections. Funny how these things can change the meaning 180 degrees.
If after this exercise, I still feel slighted, I'll immediately respond (with a personal e-mail or call) to find out exactly what the person was trying to say. Only then will I reach any conclusions over the letter or e-mail.
On occasion the person wrote something in anger and regretted sending it out. Most of the time, I simply misread the intension of the post. Instead of firing off a fast and cutting response, causing further anger and escalating the problem, my tactic saves a relationship and prevents me from looking like a jerk by overreacting to a harmless post.
I wish that everyone took that extra step to insure that a perceived slap to the face wasn't in fact a simple attempt to shake your hand.
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GEM
If after this exercise, I still feel slighted, I'll immediately respond (with a personal e-mail or call) to find out exactly what the person was trying to say. Only then will I reach any conclusions over the letter or e-mail.
On occasion the person wrote something in anger and regretted sending it out. Most of the time, I simply misread the intension of the post. Instead of firing off a fast and cutting response, causing further anger and escalating the problem, my tactic saves a relationship and prevents me from looking like a jerk by overreacting to a harmless post.
I wish that everyone took that extra step to insure that a perceived slap to the face wasn't in fact a simple attempt to shake your hand.
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GEM
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gmattson - Site Admin
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Emotions and the Keyboard
by Panther » Fri Jul 21, 2000 9:40 pm
Professor,
As always, you have an excellent ability for "giving the benefit of the doubt".
A method that I learned years ago, for those occasions of responding in e-mail or over the net in a less than calm manner, was to write the response and then either 1) e-mail it to myself or 2) save it as a draft for awhile. Then, after coming back from a meeting/lunch/walk/workout/whatever for the second case OR after getting it first thing the next morning as the recipient of the e-mail, I'd see how I felt after reading it. I can't count the number of times a memo, response, whatever has been discarded or rewritten in the last 15 years! Naturally, it isn't 100% foolproof... ("make something foolproof and they build a better fool" ) But at least on those occasions that something has gone out I've either meant what I said and stand by it OR I've recognized the error and apologized.
Certainly doesn't do any good to cause hard feelings with folks!
Thanks,
B
[This message has been edited by Panther (edited July 21, 2000).]
As always, you have an excellent ability for "giving the benefit of the doubt".
A method that I learned years ago, for those occasions of responding in e-mail or over the net in a less than calm manner, was to write the response and then either 1) e-mail it to myself or 2) save it as a draft for awhile. Then, after coming back from a meeting/lunch/walk/workout/whatever for the second case OR after getting it first thing the next morning as the recipient of the e-mail, I'd see how I felt after reading it. I can't count the number of times a memo, response, whatever has been discarded or rewritten in the last 15 years! Naturally, it isn't 100% foolproof... ("make something foolproof and they build a better fool"
) But at least on those occasions that something has gone out I've either meant what I said and stand by it OR I've recognized the error and apologized. Certainly doesn't do any good to cause hard feelings with folks!
Thanks,
B
[This message has been edited by Panther (edited July 21, 2000).]
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Panther - Posts: 2809
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Emotions and the Keyboard
by LenTesta » Mon Jul 24, 2000 1:15 pm
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Alias? Anonymous?
Don't count on it! Use the alias as a "nickname", but not as a disguise!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Exactly!
As Panther has mentioned, it is easy to find out someones identity. The IP address can be used to trace the host name. Other information can be attained also.
Unfortunately... People who want to slam someone else, usually do so with the disguise of the username, and then change service providers before they can be traced. This will not always work either.
From Sensei Mattson's post: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote
I like it! Take time to think before responding. I have regretted writing some statements that I thought would offend someone. I do not intentionally mean to offend anyone, but some could take offense of a word not used in context. Using words like "property" to describe somones wife or girlfriend would be one example. We need to carefully think of what we write and say before we post our thoughts.
Once again, it is wise to use a word processor to draft your posts. You just copy and paste them into the reply box when you are done editing and re-reading them.
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Len Testa
Don't count on it! Use the alias as a "nickname", but not as a disguise!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Exactly!
As Panther has mentioned, it is easy to find out someones identity. The IP address can be used to trace the host name. Other information can be attained also.
Unfortunately... People who want to slam someone else, usually do so with the disguise of the username, and then change service providers before they can be traced. This will not always work either.
From Sensei Mattson's post: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote
On occasion the person wrote something in anger and regretted sending it out. Most of the time, I simply misread the intension of the post. Instead of firing off a fast and cutting response, causing further anger and escalating the problem, my tactic saves a relationship and prevents me from looking like a jerk by overreacting to a harmless post.
I like it! Take time to think before responding. I have regretted writing some statements that I thought would offend someone. I do not intentionally mean to offend anyone, but some could take offense of a word not used in context. Using words like "property" to describe somones wife or girlfriend would be one example. We need to carefully think of what we write and say before we post our thoughts.
Once again, it is wise to use a word processor to draft your posts. You just copy and paste them into the reply box when you are done editing and re-reading them.
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Len Testa
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LenTesta - Posts: 1051
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Emotions and the Keyboard
by Gary Santaniello » Tue Jul 25, 2000 6:33 am
Lenny,
One thing i like about the "Forums" that many of us are active on, is that most of us use our "real" names. We generally know "who" we are discussing things with and the "Post" and "Replies" that we read will reflect some acountability to all of us.
Some may choose to use "nicknames" such as i have seen on other internet sites. Personally, i prefer that others know who we actually are when we make comments and/or opinions on various topics.
For there are also many who read the forums that will not reply or post in that "publically" others will know who they are. Although we may from time to time be "misunderstood" or express ourselves incorrectly, i believe that it does take some convidence to publically state what one feels, regardless of others "perceptions".
Best of luck with your new "Forum" and it was great working out with you guys again tonight in Brockton.
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Gary S.
One thing i like about the "Forums" that many of us are active on, is that most of us use our "real" names. We generally know "who" we are discussing things with and the "Post" and "Replies" that we read will reflect some acountability to all of us.
Some may choose to use "nicknames" such as i have seen on other internet sites. Personally, i prefer that others know who we actually are when we make comments and/or opinions on various topics.
For there are also many who read the forums that will not reply or post in that "publically" others will know who they are. Although we may from time to time be "misunderstood" or express ourselves incorrectly, i believe that it does take some convidence to publically state what one feels, regardless of others "perceptions".
Best of luck with your new "Forum" and it was great working out with you guys again tonight in Brockton.
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Gary S.
- Gary Santaniello
- Posts: 288
- Joined: Thu May 06, 1999 6:01 am
- Location: Randolph Ma USA
Emotions and the Keyboard
by LenTesta » Tue Jul 25, 2000 1:01 pm
GARY:
Thank you for participating in the VSD forums.
It was great to have you back working out with us also. The membership is increasing for the TC Class at the BUKA and I am glad to be a part of this class as well.
I am not against people who wish to use an alias. Some like the idea that they can express their views with annonymitity. Some who use a handle also use a signature with their real name or initials.
It is those that "hide" behind their usernames as an excuse to wreak havoc against the other members that cause the problems (remember Lone Wolf). All the moderators can find out their true identities so one must think first when typing an insult to another individual.
This thread is about emotions and how easy it is to convey them when using a public forum. Without the benefit of counter converstation, you need to choose the words carefully so as not to express the wrong message. If someone is displeased with a rebuttal to their post, they assume that this is an attack on them personally. They might write back a reply without thinking.
If we do this (anger other forumites) when we have time to think about our feelings, what will happen if confronted face to face?
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Len Testa
Thank you for participating in the VSD forums.
It was great to have you back working out with us also. The membership is increasing for the TC Class at the BUKA and I am glad to be a part of this class as well.
I am not against people who wish to use an alias. Some like the idea that they can express their views with annonymitity. Some who use a handle also use a signature with their real name or initials.
It is those that "hide" behind their usernames as an excuse to wreak havoc against the other members that cause the problems (remember Lone Wolf). All the moderators can find out their true identities so one must think first when typing an insult to another individual.
This thread is about emotions and how easy it is to convey them when using a public forum. Without the benefit of counter converstation, you need to choose the words carefully so as not to express the wrong message. If someone is displeased with a rebuttal to their post, they assume that this is an attack on them personally. They might write back a reply without thinking.
If we do this (anger other forumites) when we have time to think about our feelings, what will happen if confronted face to face?
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Len Testa
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LenTesta - Posts: 1051
- Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Brockton, MA, USA
Emotions and the Keyboard
by Gary Santaniello » Tue Jul 25, 2000 4:25 pm
Lenny,
I agree with you regarding user names, handles etc. I believe that it is very rare that on these forums we have the problems you note such as derogatory statemnets or direct insult to others through a "hidden" alias.
Many know by now that such post or replies are generally "deleted" within hours by most moderators. However, i have seen some display of "Ego" battling and sarcasim that i feel was not in good taste.
Whereas we all are different people, some of us have strong personalities (smile) and some are very soft (suttle). As at work for an exmple, managerial personal carry themselves and project calmness in dealing with most situations that others would "over react" to. They have the 'Control" and/or charactor to maintain calmness and non-emotioal responce to situaions. Their job commands it.
However, others (like me) sometimes need to walk away and calm down or "vent" prior to responding and/or taking action.
When at home in front of a key board, it is easy for some of us to go off when "emotional" and say things we would later have said differently.
I find that words and phrases such as " in my opinion", "i feel", respectfully, and many other wording of things can soften up what might otherwise appear to be "aggressive" communication.
After all, a keyboard can for some can be like many other things, a tool to vent a momentary emotional upset. Replying later or contacting one by personel e-mail (when possible) is another way to resolve our differences without using the forum to settle them.
Rescently i was informed by someone who often reads the forums that it is good that i am vocal and complimented my willingness to be "outspoken" however, sometimes it is felt that i say a little to much or go to deep. Also that at times he does not always agree with my statements.
That is fine as i understood it is ones "opinion" from someone i respect. I feel no need to defend it now or then. We must be carefull with what and how we epress our "dissagreements" with others. Keep it "respectful" and there should not be any problems.
In my opinion !
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Gary S.
I agree with you regarding user names, handles etc. I believe that it is very rare that on these forums we have the problems you note such as derogatory statemnets or direct insult to others through a "hidden" alias.
Many know by now that such post or replies are generally "deleted" within hours by most moderators. However, i have seen some display of "Ego" battling and sarcasim that i feel was not in good taste.
Whereas we all are different people, some of us have strong personalities (smile) and some are very soft (suttle). As at work for an exmple, managerial personal carry themselves and project calmness in dealing with most situations that others would "over react" to. They have the 'Control" and/or charactor to maintain calmness and non-emotioal responce to situaions. Their job commands it.
However, others (like me) sometimes need to walk away and calm down or "vent" prior to responding and/or taking action.
When at home in front of a key board, it is easy for some of us to go off when "emotional" and say things we would later have said differently.
I find that words and phrases such as " in my opinion", "i feel", respectfully, and many other wording of things can soften up what might otherwise appear to be "aggressive" communication.
After all, a keyboard can for some can be like many other things, a tool to vent a momentary emotional upset. Replying later or contacting one by personel e-mail (when possible) is another way to resolve our differences without using the forum to settle them.
Rescently i was informed by someone who often reads the forums that it is good that i am vocal and complimented my willingness to be "outspoken" however, sometimes it is felt that i say a little to much or go to deep. Also that at times he does not always agree with my statements.
That is fine as i understood it is ones "opinion" from someone i respect. I feel no need to defend it now or then. We must be carefull with what and how we epress our "dissagreements" with others. Keep it "respectful" and there should not be any problems.
In my opinion !
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Gary S.
- Gary Santaniello
- Posts: 288
- Joined: Thu May 06, 1999 6:01 am
- Location: Randolph Ma USA
Emotions and the Keyboard
by LenTesta » Tue Jul 25, 2000 7:04 pm
Gary:
This is a discussion forum. To discuss issues, one needs to speak their minds.
Keep posting your thoughts. Your participation is what keeps thes forums interesting.
Words like "in my opinion, respectfully, and
I feel" should be understood by most everybody as the intent behind the content.
However some feel these are put into messages sarcastically. Without using body language and voice, one could interpret them this way. The Smilies Legend should include a sincerity character. Maybe we could use this symbol <S> when we are conveying sincerity.
You also said:
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote
I see a problem with this method of apologizing or clarifying previous posts.
The participants and readers (OK lurkers...I hate that word) who do not post, have no way of knowing if a controversy was resolved. At the very least an editing of the original message by the moderator or the original poster (who has the authority to edit their own posts) should be done to let everyone who followed the thread know that there is/was a misunderstanding.
Keep the thoughts flowing Gary.
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Len Testa
This is a discussion forum. To discuss issues, one needs to speak their minds.
Keep posting your thoughts. Your participation is what keeps thes forums interesting.
Words like "in my opinion, respectfully, and
I feel" should be understood by most everybody as the intent behind the content.
However some feel these are put into messages sarcastically. Without using body language and voice, one could interpret them this way. The Smilies Legend should include a sincerity character. Maybe we could use this symbol <S> when we are conveying sincerity.
You also said:
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote
Replying later or contacting one by personel e-mail (when possible) is another way to resolve our differences without using the forum to settle them.
I see a problem with this method of apologizing or clarifying previous posts.
The participants and readers (OK lurkers...I hate that word) who do not post, have no way of knowing if a controversy was resolved. At the very least an editing of the original message by the moderator or the original poster (who has the authority to edit their own posts) should be done to let everyone who followed the thread know that there is/was a misunderstanding.
Keep the thoughts flowing Gary.
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Len Testa
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LenTesta - Posts: 1051
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