<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote
Teens, particularly, react badly to direct orders, whereas, when something is explained to them that includes the reasoning behind the order/request, compliance levels rise significantly.
is a repeat of my statement
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>This phrase removes the asking "would you" which is the basis of non compliance because in effect you are asking instead of commanding. The reason
for action is clear, by stating so in the command phrase, and the amount of time to comply has also been stated.
"Put your clothes on, please maam, because we have to move you to another room
as soon as possible." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
We are saying the same thing. The reason
is in bold type.
Teenagers will rebel against any commands no matter how you phrase them!
When giving commands, especially to teenagers, you should never phrase it in a way that would allow for a choice. If I say, "(Will, or Can) you please take out the trash right now?" I am going to get a response of "NO I can't take it out now I am busy, I will take it out later." You know what happens when they say that. You
end up taking out the trash in the early morning before going to work.
Rephrasing the command to this, "Please, take out the trash right now because you have a date tonight and I know that you will be busy later getting ready." is better. There is no 'asking Can or Will you' in the second phrase. You are demanding that the action be immediate. Also in the second statement a consequence of immediate inaction 'you will be busy later' was given so a 'no' decision to take out the trash right now can not be made.
Sometimes, either way you phrase it, you may get disobedience. I have had many command statements lead to arguing that my reason for the immediate request was bogus in some way. You know what. It almost never was.
In Law enforcement, or crowd control security, you can't "ask" or give a person a choice to not follow out your orders.
Here is an example: I am trying to get a patron of a stadium event, who was being unruly, to leave his seat and come into the isle. I say, "Sir, Would you please, mind leaving your seat and coming out to the isle so we can discuss the nature of your rage ?"
The response by the patron would be, "Yes, I do mind. I paid a lot of money to see...and I am not going over there." There will be no immmediate action therefore clearly signaling defiance.
The reason was there, 'so we can discuss.' However, I gave him a choice that he could leave the seat or not, because there was no consequence of inaction given for not leaving the seat.
This would be the proper command phrase: "Sir, Please leave your seat and come out to the isle and discuss the nature of your rage, or I will have to call in the response team." There can be no disobedience of this statement. The reason for the command and the consequence of inaction was clearly stated. I gave no choice that he could stay in his seat and that I would go away.
The same applies to giving out commands for teenagers to follow. Politeness, 'please' when using a commanding statement and 'thank you' on a follow up statement when the subject begins to carry out the command is important.
Great discussion. No flaming was suspected.