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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2002 9:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 09, 2001 6:01 am
Posts: 986
Location: Chicago, IL USA
Len Testa-Sensei,

Thank you for the kind compliment and the supportive words.

We who have been trained to fight on the physical level often lose sight of the fact that there ARE other ways to win a confrontation. Letting the physical enter into the situation is, in many ways, a LOSS for the martial artist.

Too often, people are trained that they have to respond in kind when in a physical situation. THIS IS A MYTH!

I have been in chair-throwing, bottle busting fights where they guy who stopped the whole thing did little more than say the right thing.

It's one thing to stand up for your beliefs and be willing to defend them to the death against an aggressor, but, on the streets of today's America - is that really necessary?

On the battlefield, okay. But in a coffeehouse in Chicago's Loop? I somehow find that ludicrous.

I am as willing to debate someone as the next guy and, in my day, I could hold my own in some pretty fast company on a physical fight level. But I pride myself most on the fact that I have not had a physical fight in almost 20 YEARS.

Why? Because I learned a long time ago that my mouth can get me into and out of a situation much faster and less painfully than my fists and feet.

It's a matter of pulling the ego out of the situation, facing the needs of the person confronting you and dealing with them.

Or simply not being there when things get hot.

I am a firm believer in the idea that my physical well being is more important than whether the Cubs have a shot at the pennant or whether a Mac is better than a Dell or even if abortion is a right or a profanity.

Call it age, call it experience, call it cowardice - I don't care. I only fight when someone brings it to me and I can't talk my way out or escape. Or when I see someone beating on someone else who is helpless, of course. I still have a bit of a White Knight streak in my blood. Image

Again, thank you for your support.

Sincerely,

Lee Darrow, C.Ht.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2002 5:08 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2001 6:01 am
Posts: 110
Location: greenville, sc, usa
Len Testa-Sensei,

Thank you. You and the others here have actually shown me another less embarrasing way out of a situation.

SC is in a constant state of turmoil with all this "crap" going on. Some pretty heated debates on the flag issue and I guess my feelings were already hardened. Still working through those.

In the confrontation, yes, I could have agreed peacefuly and just worked my way out of the situation like was stated, but I did not think very rationaly when they converged on me.

After reading through these posts I do see other ways I could have acted. People have been telling me I should not feel ashamed for my actions but when I do see a valid easier, and less violent way out I can 't help it.

I hope in the future, if I get into a situation, I can at least think clearly enough to use VSD and try to get out of it. If not I can always resort to the otherway.

I haven't had the chance to post here about the situation and I'm glad you guys started without me.


[This message has been edited by Brett (edited March 07, 2002).]


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2002 5:15 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2001 6:01 am
Posts: 110
Location: greenville, sc, usa
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LeeDarrow:
We who have been trained to fight on the physical level often lose sight of the fact that there ARE other ways to win a confrontation. Letting the physical enter into the situation is, in many ways, a LOSS for the martial artist.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


The reason for the guilt and embarassment. Image

Now I know, and knowing is half the battle.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2002 7:04 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2000 6:01 am
Posts: 1051
Location: Brockton, MA, USA
Brett:

Sorry I have been unavailable the past few days. I have many agreement renewals this month at my dojo and I have not been able to even check the forums for awhile.

I am glad that you see that there are other ways to "not" get into a physical confrontation. However, just like Monday morning quarterbacking, it is easier said than done. It takes a lot of practice.

Having someone blow their breath in your face as they raise their voice, especially when is is undeserved or unwarranted is hard to ignor without building up the hairs on your arms and getting the "cocktail to flow".

I have had many situations where I have had shouting matches with other drivers and anyone else who "dared" to cross my path. God forbid me if I was in a bad mood that day. On all occasions I was ready to tear the other guy's head off if he so much as even came close enough to touch me let alone poke me three times. However, I always waited for the other guy to throw the first punch, or kick. Somehow my beligerence paid off and I was never attacked.

I have even gone so far as start a few arguments. Recently I invited a fellow motorist to follow me into the parking lot of my dojo so I could continue to tell him how much of a jerk he was and still open the door in time for the first class of the evening to start. I know it was a stupid thing to do but I was in a hurry. I had an interview before the class and was going to be late because he decided that he wanted to stop on the exit ramp to watch the cleanup crew sweep the pieces of two cars that had an accident about 30 minutes before. I had to travel down the breakdown lane for 1 mile because the traffic was stopped while the crew cleaned up. As I got on the ramp, I came up behind him and beeped so he would get moving, of course he crept along at about two miles an hour and I passed him on the left going up the ramp and gave him a hard stare and threw my arms up as I passed him. Well this jerk decided that it was time for him to get moving in a hurry and when we left the exit ramp he was only 2 car lenghths behind me. As I crossed over the highway I was preparing to pass another slow moving vehicle in front of me. When I looked into the rearview mirror he was already in the lane next to me trying to catch me. I feared that I would narrowly miss him if I tried to pass so I stayed in my lane and was forced to slow down. When we got to the light it was red of course, and the idiot pulls up along side of me and rolls down his window. So I roll down my window and he says, "How come you didn't beep at that other car in front of you?" I was beginning to feel the adrenaline flow and could not believe he was that ignorant, so I said, "Because you are a ****ing ***hole." He begins to shout something I cant understand when the light turns green and I motion for him to follow me. I whip around the corner and turn into the parking lot and drive to the front of my dojo. As I get out of the car I see him in the middle of the lot turning to go out the other way. I made it to the school just a few minutes before my interviwew.

Now what would have happened if he parked beside me and got out to face me? I know that I was only going to talk some sense into him and explain that some people do need to get where they are going on time and he should have pulled over and parked if wanted to watch an accident scene. I would of course had been prepared to defend myself if he attacked. I was already thinking that he was going to get out of his car and attack me. I knew what I was going to do and would have waited for him to make the first move.

In hindsight everything turned out OK. I did not get into a fight and I made it to the dojo in time. It was a wise thing to do to have him follow me. I went to a parking lot where there many witnesses who knew my character. I have had my dojo there for two years and was well known by my neighbors.

Situations will always be different and I may never get into another like this again. I learned somthings form this as well as every other I have been involved with.
I have "yet" to come to blows in any confrontation that I have ever had since I had received my first black belt in 1983.

As long as you know that you will be able to defend yourself if you are attacked, you can practice what to say to idiots and jerks that really dont deserve to be speaking with you in the first place.

You will gain more knowlege and experience in VSD if you never make the first move.



------------------
Len


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