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PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2002 4:29 pm 
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Little has been addressed as to the use of humor in VSD. I'd like to get others' responses to whether humor is a valdi response - joking it off, as it were, or the use of humor to deflect an angry person.

ANy specific examples or techniques would be appreciated.

I realize that humor is a very difficult method to apply in VSD as, in some cases, using humor can aggravate a situation, but in others, it can stop at attack altogether, IME.

Let's crank this one up a notch!

Lee Darrow, C.Ht.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2002 7:36 pm 
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I think it can very often be a good idea to play 'submissive'... if you read the situation right. In a bar, the guy starting trouble usually just wants to look like the big shot. So a joke at your own expense might do the trick. On the other hand, and I've had problems with this one heh, drunk stupid people may have trouble getting subtle jokes that are INtended to be defusers. All they see is you saying something to them they don't understand and then smiling, which can obviously look like a verbal attack. "You're stupid and I'm laughing at you."


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2002 4:47 pm 
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I agree with you TSDGuy.

I wouldn't go as far to say that it couldn't hurt if you tried to play the comedian. When I was just a newbie at these forums a couple of years ago, I wrote about an experience that happened to me in a nightclub when I was in my early 30's:

I had gone to a local dancing nightclub by myself. I was supposed to meet a friend who was going to show up late. I had been talking and sitting with a group of about 4 women. I was discussing the cute things that children say in karate classes with one girl. She was generally interested in the converstaion. After about 10 minutes, one of her friends came by and took her off to the side and wispered something in her ear and she left the area. Then the friend came over to me and said that this table we were sitting at was taken and that I should go find somewhere else to sit. I had a few beers and I snappped at her and told her that her friend and I were talking. She stated that HER SISTER was there to have a good time dancing and not talking to someone who she was not interested in talking to. I asked her why HER SISTER didn't want to tell me that herself and walked away snarling at her not waiting for an answer. A half hour later, I was leaning on one of those high tables with no chairs around it, when a jerk who was much taller than me pulled the table toward him form behind me. I almost fell over backward when he did. I turned and looked at who did this laughing while I did because i thought it was my friend. When I found out that it wasn't my friend, I laughed again and made a joke that was supposed to relieve the tension that I was feeling. This idiot began to speak to me in a manner that was provoking. He asked what was so funny. Did I think that he was funny? He asked what I was going to do about him pulling the table away from me. It was at this point that I saw the woman who told me to leave her sister alone was standing a few yards behind him laughing. I immediately put my hands up in the crane position and said "whoa, stop right there, I do not intend to do anything. I thought you were a friend of mine and were just pulling a prnk on me." He said that he did it intentionaly and wanted to know if I wanted to do something about it. At this point the bouncers came and ushered him out of the area and toward the front door. I stuck around and waited for my friend another half hour. When he did not show, I left the place, looking all around the parking lot expecting to run into the jerk. Fortunately I did not see him again.

Whenever I am inclined to make a joke or laugh at someone, I first think back to this situation and also to a situation in the movie Goodfellows. In that movie Joe Pesci's character berates a fellow ganster for saying that he is funny. "I am funny? I am funny how? I am here to amuse you? How am I funny?", he says to the ganster. Of course he is just joking with his friend. But later on when someone else says that to him, he goes beserk and beats him to death with a baseball bat.

I believe you really need to be careful not to say something that will be taken the wrong way. Unless you happen to do stand up comedy for a living. Being comical in a tense situation can make some back down but for others you may be walking a fine line. Of course this could go the other way as well. In some cases it may be correct to swear back and act just as tough. I guess it all depends on well you "read" the character of your aggressor.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2002 2:43 am 
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Lenny,
Sounds like she was jealous you weren't talking to her.
Just not enough of you to go around.
I find most of the time one guy is sitting with four ladies theres at least two drunk guys jealous and wanting the guy to "share the wealth".
I never cornered 4 though, you the man. :wink:
F.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2002 4:42 am 
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IMHO-Humor is the best way to diffuse an angery person- if you make someone laugh- it immediately replaces the anger- It completely stops you in your "maddening" tracks and you laugh- which makes you smile-

Thing I've found... sometimes people are SO mad they don't "hear" the humor- they hear "sarcasm" and that can inflate the situation badly.

Though when argueing with family-friends-/peopel who won't (hopefully) possibly kill you- best thing to do in MHO.

Out in the world- try it- but have a back up plan ready and waiting!

I'm definately one of those "look at the bright side people" that can find something silly or lighthearted to say most of the time- and usually- if you can make'um laugh- you can make um' think- which is usually what really angery people "aren't" doing.

K-


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2002 5:27 am 
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Quote:
He asked what was so funny. Did I think that he was funny? He asked what I was going to do about him pulling the table away from me.



:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2002 5:44 am 
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Ask him if he'd like the chair with that table. LOL

I think that's when I say "let him have it- (the table) and try to walk away.

I'd think it was funny. If he attacked- I'd block- if he attacked again- I'd block it and hurt him. See if that would help him think things through.

Rather easy to write in a forum when there isn't the immediate threat though-

K-


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2002 2:58 pm 
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Quote:
Ask him if he'd like the chair with that table.


My kind of girl , K.. :)

Because if you don't say that, the jerk might be emboldened enough to give you the chair while you are busy "blocking"

There are no blocks in karate. It only looks that way. :twisted:

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2002 4:39 pm 
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ooo
good one Van! Very true- no blocks- just looks that way!

K-
very true


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2002 8:44 pm 
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One time a friend of mine offered his stool at a bar to a woman.
She proceeded to sit down on it and the foot of the chair was on my pals foot.
He tried to tell her it was on his foot several times above the noise of the music.
Well her boyfriend got mad and slugged him. It was still on his foot so he couldn't move, and the guy hit him again.
Finally after the 3rd or 4th punch the bouncers came and called the cops and had him arrested.
All for offering a lady a stool.
Make no mistake chivalry is dead!
(he should have punched the girl on the stool)!!
:oops: F.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2002 5:13 pm 
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Van, I like the logo :2gunfire:

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 Post subject: Humor to defuse
PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2002 2:19 pm 
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Location: Mansfield, MA USA
This is a situation where humor did defuse a tense situation. (Disclaimer: I wasn't there. It is part of family folklore-and might even be true:))

My father and a friend got in a verbal beef sitting down in a bar with a guy at the next table. Finally my father's friend said, "Why don't we step outside and settle this?"

The other guy picks up a crutch he had by his feet and said, "I would if I didn't have these."

Without missing a beat, my father's friend said, "All the better, I'll dazzle you with footwork."

The situation was defused immediately and both tables joined eachother for the evening.

Norm Abrahamson


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 Post subject: Humor
PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2002 10:47 pm 
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KerryM wrote:
Ask him if he'd like the chair with that table. LOL

I think that's when I say "let him have it- (the table) and try to walk away.

I'd think it was funny. If he attacked- I'd block- if he attacked again- I'd block it and hurt him. See if that would help him think things through.

Rather easy to write in a forum when there isn't the immediate threat though-

K-
:evilbat:

I love it!

Then, if he tried to get physical, one could demonstrate one of my favorite martial arts - CHAIR JITSU! This is the art where you pick up a chair and hit your opponent right square in the jitsu!

And if you've ever been hit in the jitsu, you KNOW how much THAT hurts, believe me!

;)

Lee Darrow, C.Ht.

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