Telegram From Benzocainistan to Metabladia
The Kingdom of Benzocainistan
Received: Seconds ago If you lay down your arms now your lives will be spared.
If you resist we will punish you. We will take your wives and daughters into our war tents, and they will understand what it is like to be with REAL men.
Surender and we will be kind and gracious masters, allowing you to keep your wives, and your daughters virginity will remain intact.
Sticks and Stones will break our bones,
but OUR COUNTRYMEN'S STEEL SHALL GUT YOU LIKE THE BRAINLESS WALLEYES YOU ARE!!!!!
Our military is second to none, we have 50 thousand 300 gigaton bombs ready to launch at a feather's notice pointed directly at all of your cities, strategic military points, and donut houses. We have captured your best basket weavers, and your spies have been tortured and expelled of all your government secrets. We have "Manchurian" operatives placed at every high level of your government, ready to fulfill their suicide missions at a given command.
We have made backdoor treaties with all of your surrounding neighbors to aid us in the event we decide to annihilate your pitiful land of beslubbering, flap-mouthed, ass-barnacles.
We have promised your enemies that your King will dangle from the highest yardarm by his own entrails, and your lands will be carved up amongst those whom you have mistreated with your moronic tyranny.
Economic Basket-Blockades have been established, and soon your country will choke from resource attrition. With this letter we are sending a great recipe for Tree-bark and Cat-dung soup, which is all you will have left to eat after we get through with you.
Surrender now, and I promise you that the holocaust and genocide will be orderly, quick, and relatively painless.
-Hugs and kisses,
~The Great God leader of Metabladia
P.s. There's no real way to go to war in this game, so this is all we have for now..
There's a bit of Metablade in all of us.