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ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an orderof 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE This lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno." Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message, "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, because the kid had been eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine. The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer...

Dispatcher: "Rush him to the emergency room!"

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

IBM Help Line Calls actually received:

One:

Client “Hi I need a new cup holder mine broke.”

Helper: “Cup holder?”

Client: “Yeah the cup holder thing broke.”

Helper: “Was this a promotion when you purchased your computer?”

Client: “No they all have them. You push a button and the thing with the cup holder hole slides out.”

Two:

Client: “I need help. I have looked all over the keyboard and I can’t find the ‘any’ key.”

Three:

Client: “Hi, I just hooked up my new computer and my screen has nothing on it.”

Helper: “Can you see the curser?”

Client: “No the screen is blank.”

Helper: “Perhaps the wires are not connected can you check.”

Client: “Not really it is pretty dark.”

Helper: “Well perhaps you could move a light over by the computer.”

Client: “That won’t work the power is out.”

Helper: “To fix this Sir just repackage everything and take it back to the store because you are too stupid to own a computer.”