Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Meta: The same reason why we press the elevator button repeatedly or the traffic light button repeatedly to make it go faster...
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Meta: Because they are out to screw you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Meta: Why would I check if I told myself the paint is wet?
Also, there are more that a billion stars..I know...I counted..
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Meta: Because it requires air to solidify.
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Meta: Because the state must comply with state medical laws and procedure..I think...
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Meta: Because he got his marbles sheered off as a small child swinging though a tree and produces no testosterone.
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Meta: Because there's no such person in real life..and George Reeves was a wimp...
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Meta: They did not. They wore soft leather flight caps.
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
The same guy who put "PH" in "Phone", and the and "LL" in Llamma.
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Meta: People did not evolve from modern apes, who took a differing evolutionary branch, rather, humans evolved from a line, who, like modern apes, share a common ancestry.
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Meta: Because the dye in the liquid will not molecularly adhere to the bubbles' surface.
However, a toy inventor recently was able to accomplish this.
http://www.popsci.com/popsci/science/0a ... drcrd.html
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Meta: No. That is part of the gimmick.
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Meta: Because we are eating machines, and most humans naturally gravitate towards this activity.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Meta: Because Americans hate to bend their knees.
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
Meta: One needs to lick their finger to moisten the bag, THEN separate the sheets.
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Meta: Ninja Bugs, and failed missions..No more must be said lest we risk all.
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Meta: Because we, in a civilized society must control our first impulse which would be to choke the living $h_t out of them.
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Meta: Because we constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized.
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Meta: Because cold make men's wee-wees shrivel up..
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Meta: Because men are cool..and we don't nag..
And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Meta: Roses are Red, violets are blue..
I schizophrenic..and so am I..