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Can`t comment (wouldn`t anyway) on the article as in what she could of have said or done to prevent the tragic event, but her article certainly could change anothers way of thinking...maybe. Could provide sensitivity training to males who may border someday on doing such an act for the reason the rapist claimed he did. However, I`m hesitant to believe it was simply because she was so good looking as crossing from beauty to violence is a huge step to take. His stating "the reason" as he left was another attack in my opinion as it alters what actually occured from what I can digest from her article. It was a brutal violent assault not an act of enjoying her beauty. Sensitive topic and I hope my response not misunderstood. Thanks for posting this article Dana

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Léo

[quote="Dana Sheets] Why didn't I?[/quote]

A close friend and I talked about how upbringing affected our decision-making in life. Similar to the woman in this post, she felt threatened when she was younger, tried unsuccessfully to address it and received ineffective help. She should have become aggressive with a guy later in life but didn't, could have used better training. Dana provided a good, detailed example.

Point of value: though adults 'know' youth behavior is not really threatening and sometimes immature flirting, do you teach young girls to take threats to themselves seriously? What is/would have been effective help?

Leo & X,

Thank you for your thoughtful observations an commentary.

I'd love to think that all the young women and girls raised today are aware of how our socialization can get us into trouble. But I doubt it.

I had a thread on this forum a while back that discussed how difficult it was for a woman to refuse a man when he asked for a smile.

And it all comes back to the same idea that as women, we see thousands and thousands of images and hear little stories about our role in this world. Many of those messages are very positive and very important...sometimes to a fault.

"Why didn't she just _______" is a sentence that ran endlessly through my mind as I read the article, and also through the author's in retrospect. But we don't get those kinds of opportunities in the moment. We act, the best way we can, and hope for a good outcome.

So the preparation and awareness needs to come before the moment. The Department of Health and Human services has a large RFP open right now to research on issues surrounding mental health and reducing the stigma of seeking mental health services. I wonder if I could get a coalition of organizations together that would be interested in developing a social marketing campaign aimed at targeted groups of women and their significant referents to reduce the stigma of...being too nice.

That it's OK to not make everyone happy, that it's OK to turn down offers, that it's OK to listen to that little voice in your head that tells you when something bad is about to happen...and act.

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Did you show compassion today?

I think many would benefit from your efforts. Cessation of open communication is the death of enlightenment, progression.

bump.

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Did you show compassion today?

bump.

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Did you show compassion today?

Dana,
Did something happen?

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I was dreaming of the past...

Nope, not at all. I mentioned this to a woman and sent her a link and wanted to make it easy to find. And I still think it's just about the best thing I've ever read that is a first person POV of a rape.

I'm thinking about making a lecture/seminar for college-aged women using this article as the point of departure for discussion. I'm not sure exactly what to put into the seminar....but my basic goal is simply to get women to "try on" the idea of saying to themselves something along the lines of "I do have the right to protect myself even if it means being impolite and rude sometimes."

They may not "live it" per se, but it might help move them closer to believing that they have the capacity (self-efficacy) to protect themselves.

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Did you show compassion today?

I was extremely pleased to learn that you will be coming to camp this year. (post on Van's forum) If this is indeed true, how about scheduling an "under the tent" discussion covering this topic.

I'll need an action picture and topic summary for the home page and "new presenter's" section in the SummerFest website.

I wish we had a photo of you sitting on Drew's lap while he sang a beautiful song to you (and the gang of us watching). Remember that song's name?

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GEM
"Do or do not. there is no try!"

Yep - Drew is a heck of a showman.

George I'm honestly flattered...lemme think for a minute about the format and content before I send you anything. If I handed out excerpts from this article we'd have to say something about the mature content....

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Did you show compassion today?

Here it is_+ http://www.angelfire.com/ma2/Gem/ifever ... veyou.html

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Van

Very nice memory. Drew will be back soon. I am invited to the change of command ceremony. Long drive to Iraq though so I may have to pass.

Maybe I can corral him one of these years for another trip to Buzzard's Bay.

Rich

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Member of the world's premier gun club, the USMC!

This is probably old news to the seniors, but for those of you reading and interested in this topic, find a copy of The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It's possibly the best self-defense book ever written. It has an excellent section on how to draw the line between being polite and responding appropriately to danger signals.

-Mike

I agree with this with this. Woman seem to be culturally 'programmed' to react submissivly.

If you think about it, in THEORY rape it self should be very very difficult.

It's the fear that usually makes it work, the submission.

The session went well, I think, at camp. I had planned to do it once and so many folks had schedule conflicts who wanted to attend that I ended up giving two sessions and running out of handouts. So if you didn't get a hand-out and would like one please contact me.

10,000 thanks to Suzanne Nathan, a licensec counselor, who offered to sit in on the sessions and make herself available for anyone who wanted some extra support during or after the session.

I want to thank Bruce Witherall for sitting in on the first session. He's been doing women's self-defense seminars for decades and he emphasized the importance of giving verbal deterrants to students for them to use and having them practice using verbal deterrants. Remember that the face, voice, body, and intent must all mean it or it won't work. Things like: Stop. Leave me alone. Quit bothering me. I don't know you. Back off. Get away.

Thanks to Tracy Capone-Blake for sharing some of her early experiences in the dojo. She and others who have been women if Uechi for 20+ years have truly been pioneers for women in the martial arts and it is on their shoulders that the next generation of Uechi women will stand.

And it was really nice to see Denise Laiosa - a woman who also attended the Women's Friendship Tour to Okinawa in 2004. Good to see you Denise!!! I hope we get a chance to train together the next time.

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SESSION FEEDBACK

I've already received some very good feedback from both sessions and I'm open to hearing other thoughts.

Feedback thus far has included:

-might be good to have two sessions - one for students that is more strategy based and one for teachers/senior students that is more about the awareness of the issue, the concept of self-efficacy, etc.
-would be nice to hear from people other strategies they've used in the dojo for themselves and for others
-most of what was discussed also applies to kids learning how to be successful in the dojo
-surprise that any/some/many/most women might walk in the door with a different background around hitting than any/some/many/most men
-importance of emphasizing verbal skills
-the goal isn't to make you the ultimate fighter but make you less of a target, and unwelcome target, someone who might cause "trouble" as most criminals are looking for easy crimes/victims of opportunity

There was also a real desire expressed to have a session or a series of sessions for women on technique applications within Uechi. I kept the camp sessions pretty focused on the psychological/emotional/awareness stuff. With so many women in the room the discussion naturally started to shift to things like modifications in doing partner kumite, bunkai, kata & postures, etc.

I also had several folks express to me, on a related issue, the rising stress and difficulties related to the tradition of touching students while they are standing in Sanchin and where you touch them. In this era of over-litigation it is only natural for this concern to arise. However I really do think one of the reasons this is a stand-out issue in Uechi is that for so long our training was stand up and hit and didn't involve much grappling. Grappling traditions just don't have the same body touching conerns because it happens so regularly.

I think it would be really, really great if someone in the legal field could write of a primer or a brief that outlines the kind of release that students could sign and the kind of reasonable expectations that would be assumed to be a part of the training given that the students joined a martial arts tradition with contact and touching to feel for body alignment and muscle engagement. Is there already something like that out there?

More feedback is always welcome. Please write it up on the board, PM me, or send me an email to dmsdc at yahoo.com

And Justin - I got your feedback and will have a couple of follow up questions for you.

And most of all - my thanks to go out everyone who attended the seminar and demonstrated that students and teachers are ready to discuss these issues and explore options that can improve training for everyone in their dojo and help to enhance an individual's readiness to protect themselves in the process.

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Did you show compassion today?