The mating dance

A place to share ideas, concerns, questions, and thoughts about women and the martial arts.

Moderator: Megan Lieff

The mating dance

Postby Lori » Wed Dec 23, 1998 6:32 am are from mars and women from venus? Do men automatically assume too much? Do women over-react? Or are women justifiable paranoid? Well, a little self-defense class can be a dangerous thing eh?


Comments on the "pre-dating/confrontation inter-gender flirtatious interview?"


[This message has been edited by Anthony (edited 12-23-98).]

[This message has been edited by Lori (edited 12-23-98).]
Posts: 865
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 1998 6:01 am

The mating dance

Postby david » Wed Dec 23, 1998 12:21 pm

I must be from Mars. I remember being very, very interested in and attracted to this woman in college. Yet I could barely talk to her never, mind asking her out. I thought I would been sees as just another "guy" looking for you know what... I was much more comfortable working out, taking on a macho jock in sparring, or protesting on some political issue or another.

I learned later she was interested in me. Much too late. She was dating someone else. They got married. We became friends.

Posts: 2077
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 1998 6:01 am
Location: Boston, MA

The mating dance

Postby Cecil » Wed Dec 23, 1998 1:57 pm

As far as the mating dance, I've done best when practicing "no-style", or a sort of mushin, or, to be honest, when I really didn't care one way or the other. Now throw in the really care, really want her stuff, and I usually choked. My best performances in real fights have been when I went into a no-mind mode, letting things flow together, and acting and reacting in the Now. My butt-whippin's always came when I got too upset and lost focus!!

I learned after a while to just talk: it worked on those types who really were close to being compatible with me. I also got let in on a secret; the woman knows if she wants you or not already, my job is to make her feel comfortable and she will take it from there, one way or the other, no sweat. I've learned to make women feel comfortable by just listening and talking. I also learned to take her to a secure environment where SHE FEELS COMFORTABLE AND SAFE, like a nice restaurant, a happening dance club, or go back to her place, or go to a home or apartment of a mutual friend or out somewhere else where SHE FELT NO PRESSURE. Use no force. Listen. Sensitivity (NOT IN THE EFFEMINATE SENSE). If she wants you, great, if not, fine. Oh well. Being in reasonable physical condition helps too!! That's how I ended up with my wife and every lady I had up until I got married, after I learned this "secret technique" from a guy who is a notorious lady killer. . Only I chose to stay on the good side of the force!

I also think that people put too much emphasis on the dance. There are people who can talk a good game, be real impressive, etc., but really are dolts, lousy lovers in and/or out of bed, have no real endurance for life's problems, and really are a waste of time. Just like there are martial artists with really flowery techniques, a lot of awards or inflated rank who really can't fight worth a damn in a real fight, who can't control their emotions in a real fight, who are not in reasonable physical condition and who can't go the distance.

I guess love and war are a lot alike.

Posts: 309
Joined: Thu Sep 24, 1998 6:01 am
Location: Washington DC area, USA

The mating dance

Postby moulton » Thu Dec 24, 1998 1:24 am

Love IS war!

The mating dance

Postby Robb in Sacramento » Thu Dec 24, 1998 1:26 am

Lori San --

The cartoon explains why in some cultures marriage is arranged. It also points out how easily one can misread intent in any situation, not just mating. I don't recall the name of the comedian, but it has been suggested we wear buttons that explain what is going on in our life. I, for example, could wear one stating "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." Then again, maybe not.

Robb in Sacramento
Posts: 181
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 1998 6:01 am
Location: Sacramento, California, USA

Return to Women and the Martial Arts

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests