OK - I've been quiet lately - no - no hurricanes in the past week or two - but life may as well be!
Had some computer problems that prevented me from accessing the forums for a while - but my guardian angel has rectified that so I am back online full power... now if I can just squeeze a bit more time out of the day for a few posts!
Thought I'd re-introduce a topic that's gotten a bit of discussion in the past - one that touches many women's lives.
Sure - s*** can happen anywhere - but the point is driven home stronger in a big city - that of a woman's right to freaking EXIST unmolested - specifically - to visit a gas station or convenience store in broad daylight without some type of advance or threat.
Given: Dress has a lot to do with it - dress provocatively and you invite comment and advances - but - short of dressing like a bag lady - standard dress (especially in South Florida) is somewhat less than conservative. Even avoiding low cut blouses and short skirts is not enough to let a female walk into many of these places without some type of comment from the invariable pond scum lurking around the entrance ogling all comers. Comment alone is not the problem - and certainly much is just "talk" - it's when they start following you around that the scenario changes from annoying to yellow or red alert.
Given: A wise woman avoids places in questionable neighborhoods - but travelling and low gas tanks can necessitate a stop in a less than desirable place. And then there are those parking garages...
So - I practice karate. I'm not stupid enough to think that I'll be able to execute the shoken of doom at the critical moment. But I decided long ago I'm not going anywhere I don't want to without a hell of a fight. I'm not invincible - I know it - and aside from the moral, social and gender issues that we cannot change overnight (if ever!) I still get frustrated that my choice of roadside stops is severely limited when I'm alone! I have absolutely no qualms entering these establishments in the company of my significant other (the fact that he could destroy a number of these hooligans with a mere flick of his wrist - leaving them broken and bleeding on the pavement is beside the point) but when I go alone - I have my guard up so high I'd just as soon belt one of these idiots rather than look at them every time they make some kind of suggestive remark! I'm no Sofia Loren, and I don't dress provocatively, I avoid the worst sections of town whenever possible. I teach this to my students and my children. But what in the heck is the best way to be as safe as possible when having to make a roadside stop - as a female alone?
I'm not looking for the standard responses of locking your car as soon as you enter - keeping your keys in your hand - parking close to the door - only stopping in daylight - etc. That's covered repeatedly in books and classes and should also be covered by common sense. What I'm looking for is a discussion on practical ATTITUDE and Mindsetting techniques that would be advantageous for a woman to practice. We spend a lot of time in the dojo hitting the bag - developing power (or trying to) and perfecting technique while we "flail the air" as the good Doctor X puts it... but one area we don't talk about much is the added disadvantages in a real-life situation just for being female. This is one of the reasons I started teaching women's classes so we could attack these issues. This is a good place to take it farther.
I rely a lot on "feel" of a situation - they are all different - but when is it "better" to make eye contact for example - using the "uechi-glare" to tell the pond scum that they better not mess with you - and when would it be better to avoid eye contact in case of encouraging some sicko that you might be a feisty challenge? Can that even be defined?
What about words? Tell them to f*** off? Act like you don't hear them? Be polite? I've used different approaches at different times - but what would be some guidelines for women in general?
What are the best "signals" for a woman to project to avoid presenting herself as a victim?
Aside from carrying a gun openly I mean!
I've got my ideas - but I'd like to hear yours first!
Thoughts?
Lori
A woman alone
Moderator: Available
A woman alone
For a woman alone the #1 best weapon to carry is the cell phone...never leave home without it.
More later when I have had some sleep!
------------------
Ted T.
The Fighting Old Man
More later when I have had some sleep!
------------------
Ted T.
The Fighting Old Man
A woman alone
I am not an expert but I have had enough experience to notice expertise in another and I found it in Strong on Defense by Sanford Strong, Pocket Books, 1996, ISBN 0-671-53511-0.
70 - 80 % of people attacked are attacked by a practiced career criminal, not a first timer, (pg. 7). “10 % of all completed robberies with a compliant victim end in murder anyway. (In comparison, less than 1% of rape victims are killed.),” (pg. 53). If your chosen method of self defense doesn’t work when you are totally terrorized and probably hurt, try something new.
Strong’s Four Rules to Live By:
1. React immediately and explosively.
2. Resist, explosively.
3. Never go to crime scene #2.
4. Never, never give up!
Mindset:
These rules have only one goal - to escape. How can you put these rules into action in the face of sudden violent threat, sudden violent threat to your child, or sudden violence and pain to yourself? By practicing the “fight and flight” mind set. By choosing your response when it is safe and practice. Talk it over with your family for every situation and practice. Make a family plan and practice.
Attitude:
Pain and terror must be turned to rage - explosive rage in the first few seconds, if possible.
Being aware of the interview techniques of criminals looking you over for victim potential (see: http://www.diac.com/~dgordon/index.html ), may keep you out of a serious situation but you must also practice your response to an attack that is already underway and hurting you. RMCT training (Peyton Quinn) is better for this than dojo sparring and a few simple techniques (Strong only advocates eye gouging), beats a mulitude and
the attitude is:
Explosive rage with intent to seriously and immediately hurt the criminal so you can escape will be more successful than precision of technique.
The book is full of the “how to’s...” of attitude / mindset and ways to practice car, home and work defenses, with or without your family being threatened. A very good read, well worth the $15, especially if you are ever attacked.
------------------
Ted T.
The Fighting Old Man
[This message has been edited by Sochin (edited 11-10-99).]
70 - 80 % of people attacked are attacked by a practiced career criminal, not a first timer, (pg. 7). “10 % of all completed robberies with a compliant victim end in murder anyway. (In comparison, less than 1% of rape victims are killed.),” (pg. 53). If your chosen method of self defense doesn’t work when you are totally terrorized and probably hurt, try something new.
Strong’s Four Rules to Live By:
1. React immediately and explosively.
2. Resist, explosively.
3. Never go to crime scene #2.
4. Never, never give up!
Mindset:
These rules have only one goal - to escape. How can you put these rules into action in the face of sudden violent threat, sudden violent threat to your child, or sudden violence and pain to yourself? By practicing the “fight and flight” mind set. By choosing your response when it is safe and practice. Talk it over with your family for every situation and practice. Make a family plan and practice.
Attitude:
Pain and terror must be turned to rage - explosive rage in the first few seconds, if possible.
Being aware of the interview techniques of criminals looking you over for victim potential (see: http://www.diac.com/~dgordon/index.html ), may keep you out of a serious situation but you must also practice your response to an attack that is already underway and hurting you. RMCT training (Peyton Quinn) is better for this than dojo sparring and a few simple techniques (Strong only advocates eye gouging), beats a mulitude and
the attitude is:
Explosive rage with intent to seriously and immediately hurt the criminal so you can escape will be more successful than precision of technique.
The book is full of the “how to’s...” of attitude / mindset and ways to practice car, home and work defenses, with or without your family being threatened. A very good read, well worth the $15, especially if you are ever attacked.
------------------
Ted T.
The Fighting Old Man
[This message has been edited by Sochin (edited 11-10-99).]
A woman alone
Lori’s experience again underscores the necessity to understand the critical distinction between the “ mushin” driven “self-defense” of the typical dojo, and the reality of dealing with an escalating situation demanding serious skills in stopping the “interview” in complete safety!
As we have discussed before on this page, we must first familiarize with the “nature of the enemy” before we can hope to fight him successfully.
The “pond scum” Lori refers to will usually start the interview with vulgar language combined with some threat: i.e., “ Hey bitch…I own you…I am going to f** your c** you slut “
Experts agree that this “psychological attack” often so terrifies most women, even trained ones,
That their ability to think clearly in responding and reacting is impaired, thus setting them up as easy prey in spite of their beliefs to the contrary!
Fear and anger will mix in the “cocktail” and it will be difficult to think rationally!
Talking back, especially swearing back at the assailant, or threatening or insulting him, might well trigger a violent attack as the scumbag will feel “dissed” and will think he has something to prove to you and to himself!
Best to look at him with a stone cold look, and then move on smartly out of range! If the punk persists, should he come closer than five feet, it is recommended to shout with a low growl “back off, get away from me” This should send some strong signals you won’t be easy!
However, you do not want to be verbally abusive [responding in kind] or the assailant’s self esteem will be pierced and he will feel compelled to “teach you a lesson”!
------------------
Van Canna
As we have discussed before on this page, we must first familiarize with the “nature of the enemy” before we can hope to fight him successfully.
The “pond scum” Lori refers to will usually start the interview with vulgar language combined with some threat: i.e., “ Hey bitch…I own you…I am going to f** your c** you slut “
Experts agree that this “psychological attack” often so terrifies most women, even trained ones,
That their ability to think clearly in responding and reacting is impaired, thus setting them up as easy prey in spite of their beliefs to the contrary!
Fear and anger will mix in the “cocktail” and it will be difficult to think rationally!
Talking back, especially swearing back at the assailant, or threatening or insulting him, might well trigger a violent attack as the scumbag will feel “dissed” and will think he has something to prove to you and to himself!
Best to look at him with a stone cold look, and then move on smartly out of range! If the punk persists, should he come closer than five feet, it is recommended to shout with a low growl “back off, get away from me” This should send some strong signals you won’t be easy!
However, you do not want to be verbally abusive [responding in kind] or the assailant’s self esteem will be pierced and he will feel compelled to “teach you a lesson”!
------------------
Van Canna
-
Shelly King
A woman alone
Hi Lori
Sound's like you had a bad weekend.
Last year, I got lost in a really bad section of Detroit and had to stop for gas. I was coming back from a job interview so I was alone, well dressed, driving a rental car, and very obviously lost.
What I have found that usually works well for me is this:
1)look in a hurry, like your on you way to meet someone and you are already late, but don't look scared
2)when the verbal assault starts (Hey sweet thing, don't worry, I'll drive you home!), smile, be polite (really hate that part, but I do it)
3)if it escalates to something physical, (ie following, or in this case they were sitting on my car when I came back out)then bring out the attitude. Don't get rude and hysterical, but just be strong, determined, and very exact in what you expect them to do. (ie. You WILL get off my car and you WILL go stand by the building while I leave.)
4) the biggest thing you can do though is the "walk and talk"...never stop during the "interview" always keep walking at the same pace toward your destination.
But every situation is different and has to be handled based on the circumstances.
------------------
Shelly
Sound's like you had a bad weekend.
Last year, I got lost in a really bad section of Detroit and had to stop for gas. I was coming back from a job interview so I was alone, well dressed, driving a rental car, and very obviously lost.
What I have found that usually works well for me is this:
1)look in a hurry, like your on you way to meet someone and you are already late, but don't look scared
2)when the verbal assault starts (Hey sweet thing, don't worry, I'll drive you home!), smile, be polite (really hate that part, but I do it)
3)if it escalates to something physical, (ie following, or in this case they were sitting on my car when I came back out)then bring out the attitude. Don't get rude and hysterical, but just be strong, determined, and very exact in what you expect them to do. (ie. You WILL get off my car and you WILL go stand by the building while I leave.)
4) the biggest thing you can do though is the "walk and talk"...never stop during the "interview" always keep walking at the same pace toward your destination.
But every situation is different and has to be handled based on the circumstances.
------------------
Shelly
A woman alone
Thanks for the replies,
Ted-san:
A cell phone is an excellent self-defense tool these days - I always recommend them in my classes - with the admonition to always be aware of your location - to my understanding, most 911 systems cannot recognize any more than the general area of the call - no streets - no addresses - so it does no good to call for help if you cannot tell the operator where you are!
Sanford Strong is indeed an excellent source - I've got his book linked on my site - first coming across it in these forums. Mandatory reading for anyone serious about self-defense. For those interested in checking it out, click here -> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/ ... >[i]Strong on Defense[/i]</A>
Shelly-san:
Interesting advice - some I can see - some I think may vary according to the situation. More later when I get back from class...
Peace,
Lori
[This message has been edited by Lori (edited 11-12-99).]
Ted-san:
A cell phone is an excellent self-defense tool these days - I always recommend them in my classes - with the admonition to always be aware of your location - to my understanding, most 911 systems cannot recognize any more than the general area of the call - no streets - no addresses - so it does no good to call for help if you cannot tell the operator where you are!
Sanford Strong is indeed an excellent source - I've got his book linked on my site - first coming across it in these forums. Mandatory reading for anyone serious about self-defense. For those interested in checking it out, click here -> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/ ... >[i]Strong on Defense[/i]</A>
Shelly-san:
Interesting advice - some I can see - some I think may vary according to the situation. More later when I get back from class...
Peace,
Lori
[This message has been edited by Lori (edited 11-12-99).]
-
Shelly King
A woman alone
Hi Lori-san
I've been ever so patiently waiting for your completed response. Yes, every situation is different but they are all about power and control. Had they not gotten off my car, then I would have gone back into the store for assistance, not that the clerk would have been willing to help, it would most likely resulted in me having to call the cops.
I however think the biggest part of the self defense equation that most women lack is the ability to take a hit. Not so much from the physical side, afterall, there is all that adrenaline to get us through that, but the psychological effect of being physically struck. During an attack, even those who can remain calm and function will shutdown mentally after the first hit or two. The shock and realization that what is happening is in fact truely happening overwhelms the mind. The emotional blow that coincides with the physical one, creates the illusion that the attacker is indeed the stronger and therefore is destined to win. It also puts the person into a completely defensive mode. Their sole purpose is trying to prevent being hit again, instead of lashing out at their attacker. No matter how good you are, you will get hit during a fight. I think that is the overall biggest benefit I have received from Uechi so far. During kumite, Sensie has stopped a fight because I took a strong kick. A kick, I hadn't even noticed, though later resulted in a nasty bruise. It isn't because I'm so well conditioned physically, believe me I'm not. It was more because I wasn't worried about getting hit. My mind was focused on getting to my opponent no matter what. Anyway, I think the ability to take a hit both physically and emotionally are what most women are missing and what most self defense courses are missing as well.
------------------
Shelly
I've been ever so patiently waiting for your completed response. Yes, every situation is different but they are all about power and control. Had they not gotten off my car, then I would have gone back into the store for assistance, not that the clerk would have been willing to help, it would most likely resulted in me having to call the cops.
I however think the biggest part of the self defense equation that most women lack is the ability to take a hit. Not so much from the physical side, afterall, there is all that adrenaline to get us through that, but the psychological effect of being physically struck. During an attack, even those who can remain calm and function will shutdown mentally after the first hit or two. The shock and realization that what is happening is in fact truely happening overwhelms the mind. The emotional blow that coincides with the physical one, creates the illusion that the attacker is indeed the stronger and therefore is destined to win. It also puts the person into a completely defensive mode. Their sole purpose is trying to prevent being hit again, instead of lashing out at their attacker. No matter how good you are, you will get hit during a fight. I think that is the overall biggest benefit I have received from Uechi so far. During kumite, Sensie has stopped a fight because I took a strong kick. A kick, I hadn't even noticed, though later resulted in a nasty bruise. It isn't because I'm so well conditioned physically, believe me I'm not. It was more because I wasn't worried about getting hit. My mind was focused on getting to my opponent no matter what. Anyway, I think the ability to take a hit both physically and emotionally are what most women are missing and what most self defense courses are missing as well.
------------------
Shelly
A woman alone
Shelly,
>>My mind was focused on getting to my opponent no matter what. Anyway, I think the ability to take a hit both physically and emotionally are what most women are missing and what most self defense courses are missing as well. <<
True. For both women and men.
david
>>My mind was focused on getting to my opponent no matter what. Anyway, I think the ability to take a hit both physically and emotionally are what most women are missing and what most self defense courses are missing as well. <<
True. For both women and men.
david
A woman alone
I never finished my reply before - so here's a couple more thoughts...
Ted-san makes some excellent points in his post - a couple bear underscoring:
<u>Strong’s Four Rules to Live By: </u>
1. React immediately and explosively.
2. Resist, explosively.
3. Never go to crime scene #2.
4. Never, never give up!
And this has to go hand in hand with mindsetting ahead of time especially when it comes to attitude. Again, from Ted-san:
<blockquote>Pain and terror must be turned to rage - explosive rage in the first few seconds, if possible.</blockquote>
That point cannot be emphasized enough. In another thread somewhere on these forums there was mention made of mental imagery or visualization during kata - could this be a valid technique for mindset practice? Before my shodan test I visualized an attack for every move of my seisan kata - once I started doing this I noticed more ferocity coming out in my interpretation of the kata. I wasn't trying to program in a specific response to a specific attack, but instead a dynamic and forceful response to any imagined attack. I would hope that this type of emotional response would translate itself to a real life encounter should the need arise. As DeBecker has written: Predators want victims, not adversaries. Crimes like rape are about power, not sex - and violent force is used to dominate the victim and make them submissive - refusing to submit has proven itself in the statistics in thwarted attempts and the intended victim walking away. So somehow we have got to program in this "rage response" with a fear trigger. Not so easy! Response to fear being involuntary with the various chemicals releasing in our brains preparing for fight or flight end up paralyzing us in ways we cannot even imagine - as any survivor of an attack will attest! Even a POTENTIAL situation causes these responses - my situation in the gas station got my pulse racing and quickened my breath - in spite of my "mindset" practice and self-defense "awareness" and all my dan ranks, breath control and mushin practice. This was no surprise to me - yet I was able to summon a certain amount of rage should the situation have escalated. I'm not sure how much of that has to do with me as a person, and how much is influenced by my study of these issues. But just as certain physical responses become more natural (i.e. david-san's automatic drawing of his knife) I would venture that emotional responses can be programmed somewhat as well.
This has GOT to be harder for women - especially some women - than for men, given the nature-programmed gender differences that we've touched on in various threads in this forum over the last year.
So - emotional training has got to be a part of any self-defense preparation worth the name. Nothing is guaranteed - but relying on a dan rank and a "technique-o-doom" may get you killed.
A quote from our "master of mindset" <blockquote>Experts agree that this “psychological attack” often so terrifies most women, even trained ones,
That their ability to think clearly in responding and reacting is impaired, thus setting them up as easy prey in spite of their beliefs to the contrary!</blockquote>
Karate is not self-defense - although it contains elements that can be used in self-defense training. The classes I've taught over the years have evolved from a karate-based format to a karate influenced one. The ability to perform a nice kata and break a board or two makes no difference in a confrontation - the emotional response may well cripple physical training.
Again to quote Ted-san quoting Strong:
<blockquote>Explosive rage with intent to seriously and immediately hurt the criminal so you can escape will be more successful than precision of technique.
</blockquote>
Shelly-san,
Thanks for the input - personal experience from women who have faced down interviews is valuable to this discussion...
<blockquote>1)look in a hurry, like your on you way to meet someone and you are already late, but don't look scared</blockquote>
A good technique - hard to accomplish as hurrying can look like fear depending upon body language. I wonder if the control issue comes into play at all here - "She THINKS she has more important things to do... I'll fix that!" But again, leisurely strolling may be an invitation as well. I tend to be more on the side of a deliberate confident walk - without rushing - exuding confidence and ownership of the street and everything in it. Hurrying may seem to discourage interviews by the shortened amount of time, but I am leery of projecting the "scared mouse" persona with that. DeBecker talks about the woman who rushes to her car with her keys clutched in her hand as projecting a signal that she is afraid - prime victim material.
<blockquote>2)when the verbal assault starts (Hey sweet thing, don't worry, I'll drive you home!), smile, be polite (really hate that part, but I do it)</blockquote>
As you say at the end of your post - every situation is different - but I'm not too sure any response is best - even a polite one! A disgusted look and a uechi-glare is my programmed response - as I've found even curt but polite responses invite further interviewing techniques! Cussing them out is also not the best option - as Van Sensei points out. Perhaps no talking is best - I've even used a foreign language when in a situation where I couldn't get out of a response. (no comprendo!)
<blockquote>3)if it escalates to something physical, (ie following, or in this case they were sitting on my car when I came back out)then bring out the attitude. Don't get rude and hysterical, but just be strong, determined, and very exact in what you expect them to do. (ie. You WILL get off my car and you WILL go stand by the building while I leave.)</blockquote>
I like this one - and it may be effective. We also need to remember that we are not alone - and if you see someone sitting on the hood of your car after exiting an establishment, if at all possible, it may be wisest to re-enter the store - notify the managment - and ask someone to escort you back out to your car. Not an admission of inadequacy but instead a safety precaution that could have saved a few lives in carjackings! I add to this to NEVER enter your car without looking in through the windows - opening the hatch of sports utilitiy vehicles (a favorite hideout of carjackers) and even looking UNDER the car before ever approaching it.
<blockquote>4) the biggest thing you can do though is the "walk and talk"...never stop during the "interview" always keep walking at the same pace toward your destination.</blockquote>
Good point - don't ever stop or do ANYTHING that gives the interviewer a modicum of control in the situation. Even responding gives them a certain amount of power in eliciting a response from you. Act as if they are way below your time but not below your notice - they need to know you have taken notice of where they are and what they look like - practice getting details of description - after an interview quiz yourself: how tall was he, what was he holding in his hands, what was he wearing, what color eyes, any distinguishing marks - etc. Get good at it - bank tellers are, why shouldn't we all be?
Thanks for the input all.
Peace,
Lori
Ted-san makes some excellent points in his post - a couple bear underscoring:
<u>Strong’s Four Rules to Live By: </u>
1. React immediately and explosively.
2. Resist, explosively.
3. Never go to crime scene #2.
4. Never, never give up!
And this has to go hand in hand with mindsetting ahead of time especially when it comes to attitude. Again, from Ted-san:
<blockquote>Pain and terror must be turned to rage - explosive rage in the first few seconds, if possible.</blockquote>
That point cannot be emphasized enough. In another thread somewhere on these forums there was mention made of mental imagery or visualization during kata - could this be a valid technique for mindset practice? Before my shodan test I visualized an attack for every move of my seisan kata - once I started doing this I noticed more ferocity coming out in my interpretation of the kata. I wasn't trying to program in a specific response to a specific attack, but instead a dynamic and forceful response to any imagined attack. I would hope that this type of emotional response would translate itself to a real life encounter should the need arise. As DeBecker has written: Predators want victims, not adversaries. Crimes like rape are about power, not sex - and violent force is used to dominate the victim and make them submissive - refusing to submit has proven itself in the statistics in thwarted attempts and the intended victim walking away. So somehow we have got to program in this "rage response" with a fear trigger. Not so easy! Response to fear being involuntary with the various chemicals releasing in our brains preparing for fight or flight end up paralyzing us in ways we cannot even imagine - as any survivor of an attack will attest! Even a POTENTIAL situation causes these responses - my situation in the gas station got my pulse racing and quickened my breath - in spite of my "mindset" practice and self-defense "awareness" and all my dan ranks, breath control and mushin practice. This was no surprise to me - yet I was able to summon a certain amount of rage should the situation have escalated. I'm not sure how much of that has to do with me as a person, and how much is influenced by my study of these issues. But just as certain physical responses become more natural (i.e. david-san's automatic drawing of his knife) I would venture that emotional responses can be programmed somewhat as well.
This has GOT to be harder for women - especially some women - than for men, given the nature-programmed gender differences that we've touched on in various threads in this forum over the last year.
So - emotional training has got to be a part of any self-defense preparation worth the name. Nothing is guaranteed - but relying on a dan rank and a "technique-o-doom" may get you killed.
A quote from our "master of mindset" <blockquote>Experts agree that this “psychological attack” often so terrifies most women, even trained ones,
That their ability to think clearly in responding and reacting is impaired, thus setting them up as easy prey in spite of their beliefs to the contrary!</blockquote>
Karate is not self-defense - although it contains elements that can be used in self-defense training. The classes I've taught over the years have evolved from a karate-based format to a karate influenced one. The ability to perform a nice kata and break a board or two makes no difference in a confrontation - the emotional response may well cripple physical training.
Again to quote Ted-san quoting Strong:
<blockquote>Explosive rage with intent to seriously and immediately hurt the criminal so you can escape will be more successful than precision of technique.
</blockquote>
Shelly-san,
Thanks for the input - personal experience from women who have faced down interviews is valuable to this discussion...
<blockquote>1)look in a hurry, like your on you way to meet someone and you are already late, but don't look scared</blockquote>
A good technique - hard to accomplish as hurrying can look like fear depending upon body language. I wonder if the control issue comes into play at all here - "She THINKS she has more important things to do... I'll fix that!" But again, leisurely strolling may be an invitation as well. I tend to be more on the side of a deliberate confident walk - without rushing - exuding confidence and ownership of the street and everything in it. Hurrying may seem to discourage interviews by the shortened amount of time, but I am leery of projecting the "scared mouse" persona with that. DeBecker talks about the woman who rushes to her car with her keys clutched in her hand as projecting a signal that she is afraid - prime victim material.
<blockquote>2)when the verbal assault starts (Hey sweet thing, don't worry, I'll drive you home!), smile, be polite (really hate that part, but I do it)</blockquote>
As you say at the end of your post - every situation is different - but I'm not too sure any response is best - even a polite one! A disgusted look and a uechi-glare is my programmed response - as I've found even curt but polite responses invite further interviewing techniques! Cussing them out is also not the best option - as Van Sensei points out. Perhaps no talking is best - I've even used a foreign language when in a situation where I couldn't get out of a response. (no comprendo!)
<blockquote>3)if it escalates to something physical, (ie following, or in this case they were sitting on my car when I came back out)then bring out the attitude. Don't get rude and hysterical, but just be strong, determined, and very exact in what you expect them to do. (ie. You WILL get off my car and you WILL go stand by the building while I leave.)</blockquote>
I like this one - and it may be effective. We also need to remember that we are not alone - and if you see someone sitting on the hood of your car after exiting an establishment, if at all possible, it may be wisest to re-enter the store - notify the managment - and ask someone to escort you back out to your car. Not an admission of inadequacy but instead a safety precaution that could have saved a few lives in carjackings! I add to this to NEVER enter your car without looking in through the windows - opening the hatch of sports utilitiy vehicles (a favorite hideout of carjackers) and even looking UNDER the car before ever approaching it.
<blockquote>4) the biggest thing you can do though is the "walk and talk"...never stop during the "interview" always keep walking at the same pace toward your destination.</blockquote>
Good point - don't ever stop or do ANYTHING that gives the interviewer a modicum of control in the situation. Even responding gives them a certain amount of power in eliciting a response from you. Act as if they are way below your time but not below your notice - they need to know you have taken notice of where they are and what they look like - practice getting details of description - after an interview quiz yourself: how tall was he, what was he holding in his hands, what was he wearing, what color eyes, any distinguishing marks - etc. Get good at it - bank tellers are, why shouldn't we all be?
Thanks for the input all.
Peace,
Lori
-
RACastanet
- Posts: 3744
- Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am
- Location: Richmond, VA
A woman alone
Hi Lori. Good thread. Thanks for the recommendation and link to Strong's book. I ordered it last Wednesday.
Rich
Rich
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RickLiebespach
- Posts: 157
- Joined: Mon Feb 15, 1999 6:01 am
- Location: Valrico, Florida, USA
A woman alone
Lori,
I agree, great thread. Being a guy...sometimes I lack perspective and this thread has helped. Thank you.
Another thought I had while going thru the thread was that many styles, like Uechi, spend a lot of time in the upright... recently I've been tinkering with hapkido (Van please don't attack my choice of words
), and one thing I've been learning is that the ground can be a great friend.
In Uechi I was taught to break loose and attack, if appropriate. In Hapkido I've been learning that the the person grabing can be at a sever disadvantage (unless executing a joint lock) and can often eat dirt!
At still less than a year into my MA, I've found that the ground can hit harder than I can...maybe that'll change but even if it doesn't, I think I'll keep that lesson.
Peace and Victory,
Rick
[This message has been edited by RickLiebespach (edited 12-01-99).]
I agree, great thread. Being a guy...sometimes I lack perspective and this thread has helped. Thank you.
Another thought I had while going thru the thread was that many styles, like Uechi, spend a lot of time in the upright... recently I've been tinkering with hapkido (Van please don't attack my choice of words
), and one thing I've been learning is that the ground can be a great friend.In Uechi I was taught to break loose and attack, if appropriate. In Hapkido I've been learning that the the person grabing can be at a sever disadvantage (unless executing a joint lock) and can often eat dirt!
At still less than a year into my MA, I've found that the ground can hit harder than I can...maybe that'll change but even if it doesn't, I think I'll keep that lesson.
Peace and Victory,
Rick
[This message has been edited by RickLiebespach (edited 12-01-99).]
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Shelly King
A woman alone
Rick
I'm not sure I agree with you 100%...I find Uechi to encompass grappling and from what I've seen the same upright principles applies nicely to the ground.
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Shelly
I'm not sure I agree with you 100%...I find Uechi to encompass grappling and from what I've seen the same upright principles applies nicely to the ground.
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Shelly
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RACastanet
- Posts: 3744
- Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am
- Location: Richmond, VA
A woman alone
Hi Lori. I'm reading Strong's book now. Great content. It sounds like he has been listening to Van sensei.
Thanks, Rich
Thanks, Rich
