The Sicilian Ferrari

Bill's forum was the first! All subjects are welcome. Participation by all encouraged.

Moderator: Available

Post Reply
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

The Sicilian Ferrari

Post by Van Canna »

Image
Milan - February 28, 2008 - Italian financial police have busted a ring of counterfeiters who built fake Ferraris and sold them for as little as $30,000 a car, officials said Thursday.

Authorities have confiscated 14 fake Ferrari Modena 360s, seven sold and seven under construction, in an operation reaching from Palermo to Milan, said Guido Geremia, head of the Palermo unit that led the investigation.


Investigators do not know how many of the cars have been sold in the past but Geremia said the buyers knew the cars were fakes and were clearly seeking to impress unknowing neighbors with the sleek-bodied speed machines.


"That is the only reason," he said.


Eight people are under investigation, authorities said. The ring used mostly Pontiacs as their base, but also Mercedes and Toyotas, building a copy of a Ferrari body over the original car's engine.

"It was done very well. They were very skilled," Geremia said.

The financial police, who lead Italy's fight against the counterfeiters who cash in on the country's reputation for quality in everything from handbags to prosciutto, launched the Ferrari investigation six months ago.

Geremia said they were helped by Internet sites where the cars were offered up for sale.

The 360 Modena went out of production in 2004, and was priced at the time at $215,000, said Ferrari spokeswoman Mariella Mengozzi. The current suggested retail price by Italy's consumer auto magazine for a 2004 model is around $150,000.

Mengozzi said it is not the first time the Ferrari brand has been copied and that the automaker, which is owned by the Fiat Group, monitors Web sites for evidence of fakes.

"Ferrari is a product that maintains its value over time and of course we try to protect our clients who buy the real thing," Mengozzi said.


Oh well...soon they'll be counterfeiting young Sicilian brunettes...the hottest women on earth...makes me home sick :splat:

Image
Van
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

Post by Van Canna »

"Ferrari Modena?"

"No...Ferrari Pontiaca."

These Sicilian Ferraris were built so well they would have made Enzo Ferrari take off those sunglasses glued to his face.

The famous symbol of the Ferrari race team is a black prancing stallion on a yellow shield, usually with the letters S F (for Scuderia Ferrari), with three stripes of green, white and red (the Italian national colors) at the top.

The symbol on the Palermo Pontiac Ferrari is a tired brown mule with stomach problems on a yellow shield with the letters V F (for Vaffanculo). :lol:

"Guido Geremia, head of the Palermo unit that led the investigation, said the buyers knew the cars were fakes and were clearly seeking to impress unknowing neighbors with the sleek-bodied speed machines."
Van
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

Italian Women Willing To Pop the Question

Post by Van Canna »

Rome - February 28 - One in three Italian women are prepared to get down on one knee and pop the question if a marriage proposal from their partners is not forthcoming, a new Internet survey revealed on Thursday.

Online community Badoo.com sampled the opinions of 1,500 Italian women for the survey. Around 44% of singles said they planned to get married at some point, with 33% insisting they would be prepared to do the asking themselves emulating Hollywood stars such as Renee Zellweger and Halle Berry.

Of those not afraid to take the initiative, 29% said they would like to propose by posting a video on the Internet so that friends could watch and comment on their performance.

A further 16% would prefer to propose on live television, while 10% would opt for a large advertising billboard on the streets.

Some 22% said they would ask for an "I do" on a special occasion, such as Valentine's Day or a birthday, while 16% said they would make their move in more private surroundings like the top of a mountain.

"Hey cornuto! Mi sposi o no?!"

[anyone guess what cornuto means] :bad-words:

The compelling reason why these unfortunate Italian women are forced to propose is because most Italian men take advantage of long-term relationships to avoid matrimonial responsibility.

The motto: "Nobody buys the cow when they can milk it for free." The cow is understandably disappointed to be abandoned by a man who paces himself like a slug with whom she has been "engaged" for six, seven or nineteen years.

The 20th century introduced the comical use of the "fedina" (from the term "fede di matrimonio" for a wedding band).

This is a ring similar to a wedding band but thinner and less expensive that young, clueless unmarried lovers exchange to indicate an "engagement." In reality, these are not formal engagements but just extended romances.

Engagements in Italy today which often span five to ten years result from irritating customs and circumstances.

Nowadays, when non-marital sex is commonplace, it gives more assurance to a couple's relationship to say that they are "engaged," even if they are not. 8)

It should be painfully remembered that most Italians live with their parents until marriage, unless there's a compelling reason (such as a job in a distant city) for moving out.

The parents of the so-called happy couple exchange flowers and get to know each other.

It is quite possible that they already know each other on a phony and superficial level. Usually, but not always, a date is set for the wedding, though in some cases this is two or three years away.
:lol:
Van
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

Mafia threat from Corleone Sicily

Post by Van Canna »

Caro Calogero,

Buon giorno! Come sta?

Signore Calogero, I am writing to you regarding numerous complaints we have received from the Sicilian-American community you live in and from the Sicilian town you are originally from.

It has come to our attention that your lack of respect towards Irish-Americans has turned into a real nuisance and it should be moderated drastically!

Word of your crappy behavior has even reached the ears of your fellow friends and relatives in Sicily and they are shocked and embarrassed!

In simple words, you've become a real pain in the ass and everyone is starting to get tired of it.

We can't understand your behavior, Signore Calogero. There are no records anywhere stating that the Irish-Americans of your community left because they were driven out by Sicilians.

What a stupid and embarrassing declaration from your part.

For centuries the Sicilians have always gotten along with all creeds and races of Europe and the rest of the world; especially the Irish.

So, why have you alone decided to ruin years of friendship? Do you realize you are causing an international incident?

If any trouble arises from this, who are they going to blame? You? No! They will blame the Sicilians because we're the troublemakers thanks to you!

We've seen a photo of you and we must say you don't look like an Italian. You look like you're from the Middle East! That's another big strike against you. :P

You should also keep your trap shut when you're at work. It's bad enough the Irish know about your attitude, you don't have to also spread it to Japan!

Dio Santo, then we received the shocking word that your lovely wife is Irish! Does she know what you are doing to her people behind her back?

Do we have to notify her in order to calm you down? Do you realize how lucky you are to have such a wonderful wife. Disgraziato!

Signore Calogero, we sincerely hope we do not receive another complaint from your friends and relatives here in Sicily because we're tired of it.

We advise you to do two things: First, keep your anti Irish-American comments to yourself. And second, make sure your shoelaces are tied good every morning before you go to work. We wouldn't want you to accidentally trip, fall and be shipped out with the next load of tuna to Japan.


Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!
:lol:

Don Peppino
Van
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

Post by Van Canna »

Say goodbye forever to the days of spending thousands of dollars for solutions from overpriced problem-solving firms!

Here's a great problem-solving service just for you and at the right price!

Tell us your problem, who is causing it and we will mail a threatening but very funny mafia letter straight from Corleone, Sicily, to that special someone!

Our Corleone consultants will surely come up with & write out a tailor made solution to your problem.



Here in Sicily, we know that life is difficult enough without some "testa di cazzo" (clean translation: pain in the ass) giving you a hard time, telling you what to do, or getting in your way!

Respect! Respect! Respect!

You're a marvelous person and deserve to be recognized and treated with lots of respect. You know that you're always right and everyone else is wrong but still certain people refuse to quietly accept this fact about you. Why is that? :wink:

Have you ever experienced similar problems like these?

-Your inconsiderate & ugly neighbors who are immobile from liquor put their garbage in your cans because theirs are full!

-Being ignored while you insist that you weren't speeding and the light was still yellow!

-Moron relatives who tell you, "Your child isn't learning enough in school."

-Your wife's very interesting friends have to explain to you why it's so difficult to keep a pair of socks together and why you'll always lose one!

-Your husband's friend who majored in politics and urinating in college tells you your college degree brought you nowhere!

-Nobody secretaries, receptionists and personal assistants for powerful people who have nothing better to do than treat you like crap on the phone! "And this is regarding...? And you are....? But I don't think..."

-The landlord you're renting from thinks he/she can stroll into your apartment anytime and not be arrested for sexual harassment!

-Your boss explains to you why workman's comp' won't cover your near-fatal tragedy!

-Your cousin who's happy she can get her shoes on the right feet tells you to stop complaining!

-Stupid jokes that people just keep telling and telling and TELLING you!

-Your aunt who's face is an advertisement for hard liquor tells you you should get a facial tuck here and there!


-Your boss who expects you to work for free!

-Your coworker who's the company's version of a shoeshine boy gives you career advice!

-Loser relatives, friends and coworkers who have to explain to you how everything that happens in their lives compares to Godfather 1, 2, 3 and The Sopranos!

Excuse me...where's my respect?!

Were you put on this planet to deal with people's ignorance? Are you wearing a T-shirt with the words, "I have lots of free time! Tell me your problems!" Of course not!

You're a marvelous person, remember? You deserve lots of respect!

Here in Sicily, the most important religion we constantly teach ourselves is the religion of how to get lots and lots of respect! We constantly beat this religion into our heads like you know what group of fanatics.

"Sei niente senza rispetto!" You're nothing without respect!
Are you getting enough respect? Of course not! Well, maybe you're receiving lots of it but you know it's never enough!

Well, now you can let them know what you think of them...Sicilian style!
Van
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

Post by Van Canna »

Explain your problem to Signore Peppino and he'll make sure his consultants mail a threatening but very funny mafia letter straight from Corleone, Sicily, to that special someone!

Each letter is handwritten (time permitting) on the business letterhead of his company: Peppino's Insurance Company. "We'll protect you...one way or another."
Mailed and postmarked directly from Corleone, Sicily!

Mailed by Global Priority Mail (6-8 days to the USA) because it has to get there fast!


(So sorry! We don't send death nor physical threats mainly because it's against any law in any country on this planet and on Mars.)
:lol:
Van
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

Another sample letter

Post by Van Canna »

Dear Signorina Amy Gnats,

Buon Giorno, Signorina Gnats! How are you today and have you enjoyed your St. Valentine's Holiday? You didn't enjoy it, did you?

Signorina Gnats, I would appreciate it if you would just shut your fat trap for one moment and reflect upon this letter. I am writing to you regarding complaints we've received from a number of Italian men from the entire state of Ohio.

It has come to our attention that your cocky, aggressive, and self-centered Greek attitude towards the Italian male race is turning into a real nuisance and it should be moderated drastically! In other words, you've become a real pain in the ass and everyone is starting to get tired of it.

We can't understand your insane behavior, Signorina. How could you possibly state that the Greeks are better than the Italians? Do you know your history?

What a stupid and embarrassing declaration from your part. The last improvements to Greece were made by Aristotle Onassis and its been downhill ever since. Even Jackie Kennedy had to get the hell out of there.

Regardless of what comes out of your loud mouth, our fellow Italians have asked us to intervene.

How could it be possible that a great piece of Greek ass like yourself is still available? After all, your cursing, smoking and spitting could even make gay guys go straight. We would also like clarification on your so-called "killer" legs.

Does it mean you can snap a guy's neck on the first squeeze? If that's the case then a career in "Corleone Consulting" could be for you. If the "killer" legs won't kill them, the sexy scent of the Icy-Hot on your feet certainly will.

Signorina Amy, you have a big problem. You don't comprehend that men (Greek, Italian, midgets, it doesn't matter) prefer women who keep their feminine side somewhat together and keep the mystery alive.

A horseshoe crab is more feminine than you. And try to keep your ass trim and in place because it makes guys' private parts want to pack up and leave.

You're special. We are all aware of that, Signorina Gnats. You're entitled to the world�s gifts. When you walk into a museum it should donate Greek art work to you.

Men should drop to their knees when they see you trolling around for trout in your orthopedic shoes. How do you say, "kneel down", in Greek?

Signorina Gnats, we sincerely hope you will reflect upon these words of wisdom. Pull yourself together and start acting like a lady.

If we hear that your attitude and big mouth get out of place again, then we will see about getting you a few commercials promoting hard liquor.


Tanti Saluti,
Don Peppino
Van
User avatar
Van Canna
Posts: 57244
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am

And one more

Post by Van Canna »

:lol:
Caro Signore Goldstein,

Buon giorno, Signore Goldstein! Come sta?

Signore Goldstein, I am writing to you regarding numerous complaints we have received from our dear friend, Signore Alberto Smith.

It has come to our attention that your lack of respect towards him and his lovely wife, Patti, has turned into a real nuisance and it should be moderated drastically!

Word of your crappy behavior has gotten as inappropriate as your weight and has even reached the ears of your Hebrew friends in Jersey state and they are shocked and embarrassed! In simple words, you've become a real pain in the hole and everyone is starting to get tired of it.

In order to rectify this situation, Signore Alberto has asked us to quietly intervene. Before we proceed we would like some explanations to the following embarrassing incidents you have caused.

From what we understand, you have cancelled a number of dinner dates with Signore Alberto. Is there a reason why?

You could have ordered whatever you wanted, you fat cow, and he would have certainly split the bill with you.

You could have ordered the "steak for two" for one and Signore Alberto would not have complained!

You're a fat liar, Signore Nory. Instead of your nose growing, your stomach grew. It's like Pinocchio gone haywire.

As you may not know, smoking cigars are not only bad for your health but it causes serious ego problems, as in your case. We've never heard of a fat Jewish lawyer thinking he is becoming Sicilian.

We also understand your Italian wife smokes cigars. How sexy! How feminine! Does she smoke them so she'll think she will become full Jewish?

Signore Nory, where were you when Signore Smith's dear mother passed away? We had invited his family to come to Sicily to mourn her passing together but respectfully declined the invitation because he was caught up in the paperwork of her will and estate.

Thank you very much, Signore Nory. With friends like you, Signore Smith is better off shooting himself in the groin.

We also got a nice laugh from the news that you work out at the gym? Who are you, Hulk Hogan? It's more like Hulk Cohen.

Why don't you spend more time mowing the lawn and with your friends instead? Besides, aren't your forearms big enough from counting all that money?

You obviously are a very funny guy, Signore Goldstein, so why don't you try some other jokes on Signore Smith. He has a great sense of humor.

He loves the stupid jokes that leak out of your pea sized brain but not when you repeat them over and over and OVER!

Here's a great joke Signore Smith will try on you; "Why do Jews dance on one foot at a time? So they'll only wear out one shoe."

Signore Nory, let's face the facts. You're not Sicilian. You're a very confused fat lawyer who's Jewish, likes to wear expensive suits and drink expensive French wine.

You owe much respect to Signore Smith and you should start by buying him a nice Italian cheesecake. If we receive another complaint about you, then we'll have to resolve the Apolona situation.

Thank you and Tanti Saluti da Corleone!
Don Peppino
Van
User avatar
f.Channell
Posts: 3541
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 1999 6:01 am
Location: Valhalla

Post by f.Channell »

Years ago I almost bought an ex Miami Vice car which was a Ferrari body mated to a 1979 Corvette. Back then TV cars had no extra value. A John Belushi car which was a 76 Corvette with a Rolls Royce front end was $9,000 if I remember right.

Should have bought the Ferrari copy.

F.
Sans Peur Ne Obliviscaris
www.hinghamkarate.com
User avatar
Bill Glasheen
Posts: 17299
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 1999 6:01 am
Location: Richmond, VA --- Louisville, KY

Post by Bill Glasheen »

Funny stuff, Van. 8)

The fake Ferrari is not a lot different than a boob job if you ask me. Fun to look at, but not much fun to take for a ride.

Did I say that? :multi:

As with the female counterpart... I don't need to impress my friends. I'm the one who has to live with the real truth. Thus I prefer "the real thing" - no matter the pedigree. ;)

- Bill
Post Reply

Return to “Bill Glasheen's Dojo Roundtable”