Correlation between waist size and sex drive?

[chef]

I was having a long conversation with my mother-in-law tonight and we got on a conversation that was strange, disturbing actually, but interesting. We both have watched some of Dr. Oz and found his topics and subject matter really interesting.

My mother-in-law brought up something she had heard him say, and something I had talked to her about recently...the idea that there is a correlation between waist size and sex drive. We usually consider all of the negative aspects of obesity, concerning health and longevity, but do we realize it's effect on our intimate life?

I don't post this to be gratuitous and suggestive. I post it because there are important medical aspects that affect our personal lives, livelihood, and sexual health, mainstays of marriage.

Staying healthy and fit matters in marriage and relations more than you realize. I try very hard to stay fit for not only my husband, but for me. It's important and I have been trying to convince my hubby of the importance of this whole concept...therefore, I am posting this article below. Keep that in mind when you are reading this to keep it in context please.

Eat, Exercise, Relax, and Sleep Your Way to Better Sex

Better sex doesn't just involve technique. Keeping a fit mind and body can increase your enjoyment of bedroom antics.

By Dulce Zamora
WebMD Weight Loss Clinic - Feature

Reviewed By Michael Smith, MD

Thought about leading a healthier lifestyle but haven't gotten around to doing it? Here's a possible incentive: Experts say people who are mentally and physically fit are more likely to have good sex lives.

"If you feel good about yourself, you are in a better position to feel good about relationships, including your sex life," says Karen Zager, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in New York City.

"When one is not feeling well, and is exhausted, it can certainly have a negative impact on the quality of one's sex life," says Saralyn Mark, MD, a senior medical adviser at the Office on Women's Health.

This may all seem intuitive, yet many people find the road to a fitter mind and body to be bumpy, especially if it involves losing weight, starting an exercise program, reducing stress, or getting enough sleep.

One big reward, though, is to look and feel better -- arguably a plus for good romantic and sensual activities.

Eat Right

While there is no proven connection between a balanced diet and bedroom performance, a poor diet can cause health problems that can possibly interfere with sex.

Studies show animals that get too few calories tend to have weakened immune systems, says John Allred, PhD, professor emeritus of nutrition at Ohio State University. He says illness can be a big hurdle for pleasurable intercourse.

"If you have heart disease, then you might be taking medication that would inhibit sexual activity, or you might be afraid to have a heart attack," says Allred. "If you have the flu, a high fever, or just don't feel good ... any of these things would be a turn-off."

Mark Kantor, PhD, associate professor of nutrition and food science at the University of Maryland, agrees, saying, "You will feel sexy if you look and feel good."

A way to do that is to eat an overall balanced diet and to exercise each day. The two go hand-in-hand, says Kantor, as demonstrated by today's obesity problem, in which people eat too much food and aren't active enough.

Move That Body

Being physically active can be a natural Viagra boost, according to the American Council on Exercise (ACE), which recommends 20 to 30 minutes of moderate exertion a day.

"Men and women who exercise regularly are going to have increased levels of desire," says Cedric Bryant, PhD, ACE's chief exercise physiologist. "They're going to have enhanced confidence, enhanced ability to achieve orgasm, and greater sexual satisfaction."

If that isn't motivation enough to work out, consider this: Researchers have found that there is a correlation between waist size and a man's odds of having erectile dysfunction (ED). The larger the man's waist size, the greater his chance of having ED (because of a higher risk of underlying cardiovascular disease).

Need more positive reinforcement? Studies show that regular, moderate exercise can have a positive benefit on major sexual problems, such as ED in men and low libido in both men and women.

All of these consequences could undoubtedly put a damper on a person's sex life.

Rosenberg recommends trying to increase your total sleep time, even if it's just adding a half-hour or more per week. "Try it, and see how it affects your sex life," he says.

Relax

The brain may be the most important sex organ of all. It is perhaps in the mind where beliefs take hold and flourish about the effects of certain foods on sexual prowess, even as scientists deny any direct connection between diet and erotic fitness.

It is in the mind that people feel self-confident when they like the effects of exercise on their bodies. It is also where they feel happy and energized once they've gotten enough sleep.

Yet the inner workings of the brain can also keep a person from focusing on the delights of bedroom actions.

"In order to have a really healthy and pleasurable sex life, you have to be able to dismiss work; you have to be able to unwind and experience pleasure," says Zager. She says this means being able to temporarily forget about what your boss said, what was in the memo, what bills need to be paid, and what the children need.

Sex requires relaxation and time, adds Zager, noting that some couples may be too stressed and busy to enjoy or even have intercourse. She suggests setting priorities.

"Just how important is sex to you and your partner?" asks Zager. If it is vital to your relationship, she advises finding a way to work it into your schedule and working on making yourself less stressed or tired.

Some recommendations include eliminating some activities from your busy life, delegating jobs to someone else (by giving it to a partner, or hiring someone to do it), and doing an across-the-board cut in time spent on each activity.

To unwind, Zager suggests taking 5 to 30 minutes either to walk, meditate, take a hot bath, do yoga, or sit by yourself. This time can help charge personal batteries and can help make transitions between your work, family, and sex life.

To Your Bedroom Health

Living healthy may, indeed, have its benefits. If you eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, sleep enough, and take time to relax, there's a good chance your life between the sheets will improve.

Of course, there is no guarantee. But, as Zager says, it all forms a really good foundation.

"If you've got a good foundation of stress management, and setting your priorities, and taking good care of yourself, then on top of that, you can build relationships with other people and an enjoyable sex life," she says.

Originally published Jan. 12, 2004.
Medically updated Feb. 2, 2005.


It only makes sense, say experts, since ED is often caused by poor blood flow to the penis, and exercise can improve the body's ability to pump and circulate blood throughout the body.

The same can be true for the ladies. In one University of Texas at Austin study, physically active women who watched an X-rated film had a 169% greater blood flow to the vagina compared with when they were inactive.

And there's more good news. Mark says exercise can promote the body's release of hormones important for sexual arousal, increase aerobic capacity and muscle strength, and boost self-body image -- all definite benefits for between-the-sheets play.

Sweet Dreams

For many of us, a good roll in the sack requires energy and the right mood -- elements that can be compromised when we are sleepy or tired.

While there is no direct relationship between slumber and better sex, a National Sleep Foundation (NSF) poll, conducted in 2002, shows people's moods can be affected by the amount of shut-eye they get.

People who sleep less than six hours are more likely to report they are tired, stressed, sad, and angry than those who sleep more than eight hours. On the other hand, those with few sleep problems tend to report they are "full of energy," "relaxed," and "happy."

In his practice, Russell Rosenberg, PhD, director of the Northside Hospital Sleep Medicine Institute in Atlanta, says chronic sleep-loss patients report not only being too physically tired for sex, but also having decreased libido.

Unfortunately, lower sex drive, tiredness, and grouchiness are the least of worries with sleep deprivation. Research shows people who don't catch enough winks tend to:

Get into more accidents. Inadequate sleep affects perception and motor skills.

Find it harder to lose weight. Not enough shut-eye can affect the body's ability to metabolize carbohydrates.
Have an increased chance of a hormonal or metabolic disorder, which can indirectly put you at risk for medical problems such as type II diabetes and heart disease.

Just something to think about,
Vicki

[chef]

I am sorry about this article being so graphic.

Is this valid, Bill?

My hubby used to be a martial artist 20+ years ago and has been in a sit-down office job most of his career. He is overweight but fairly healthy. I have been trying to get him back into the martial arts but he's too tired to do much once he is home...never ending cycle.

I can't seem to get him to take the initiative and do something on his own, and I can't do this for him. It is frustrating.

One positve thing he has started doing is controlling his portions. Along with that, I am cooking pretty healthy at home. He still has a penchant for ice cream though...his weakeness.

I have decided to give up one of my mornings at the gym to see if he will walk in the morning and, possibly, give up one of my karate nights as well. How do you motivate someone that is smart and realizes all this but can't seem to be self-motivated?

Regards,
Vicki

[Bill Glasheen]

There isn't much to make a person blush there, Vicki. It is what it is.

The correlation between waist size and sexual vitality is a bit of a no-brainer. Sex is an act which requires a bit of fitness. The voluntary physical part is obvious. The involuntary part requires fitness of the cardiovascular system. Intimacy also requires at least some nudity, and body image can come into play here. It's really not all that complicated.

Plus, we are programmed to be attracted to males and females with smaller waists. For many reason, this is a sign of fertility. We are at our most fertile state at a time in life when we look the most attractive to a partner. It's Nature's way of saying "Come and get it!!!"

I don't know what to tell you about getting someone to exercise who doesn't have the will, Vicki. We're all under a lot of pressure in life, and think that other things are more important. For some it takes that first heart attack. And by then it may be too late. In the mean time, it's very difficult to turn that corner.

For someone in terrible shape, a simple thing to do is to get them to go on long walks. That's a start. This might lead to a more organized exercise regimen.

Good luck on that!

- Bill

[chef]

At this point I am ready to do almost anything. I recently bought a Bo Flex that has been sitting in the garage for a couple of months now. It hasn't been used. We also bought the P90X months ago. He was excited by that and it hasn't been used. I think he is not going to do anything unless I do it with him so...

My daughter's bike is out in the garage. He suggested we go and buy him one and go bicycling. I guess we will do that, atleast until the weather get bad, which will be in a month or two.

I just hope it isn't another thing we buy that doesn't get used and sits in the garage. I am willing, regardless.

Regards,
Vicki

[Bill Glasheen]

I just hope it isn't another thing we buy that doesn't get used and sits in the garage.

My gut tells me that it will be, Vicki. Mark my word.

Go on walks! My son's dog that he wanted so badly (ahem) is now "my" dog because I'm the responsible party in the home. If I don't arrange the feeding and exercise, then he'll starve and mess the house. So... He forces me into a routine where I have at least two mile-long walks a day. There are days when I really would rather not, but... The dog needs his exercise. My doggie is a beast and he'll quite literally tear walls down (done it twice) if that energy isn't tapped. So I get my walks in come hell or high water.

Walking doesn't take equipment. Walking doesn't need an excuse to avoid it. It just requires a warm body, clothing for the outdoors, and some shoes.

Give it a try. If you can get him started with this, then you can reward him with some fitness routines that require fun "toys."

Good luck!

Bill

P.S. A good "reward" for the walker is to take him up onto trails in the mountains this fall for some fun hikes. Remind me and I'll tell you of some excellent ones with magnificent views.

[chef]

We hiked in the Shanandoah Valley a few years. It was so hard on him. We actually camped there that weekend, right outside of C'ville in late July. The weather in the mountains was spectacular and quite cool in the evenings.

It was pretty hard on him. We had to stop every 15 minutes or so because he got so winded. I just sent my daughter and her boyfriend on ahead of us. He has put on weight since then. I love the idea though.

I don't want to harp on him and sound like a broken record, plus I am a little overweight for my frame and feel like a hypocrit if I am too vocal, even though I am in the gym and doing karate quite a bit. Menopause is a bitch for women! I never quit though...I am not a quitter.

Thanks for the ideas, Bill...all good.

Regards,
Vicki

[Bill Glasheen]

It was pretty hard on him. We had to stop every 15 minutes or so because he got so winded.

All the more reason to do it, Vicki.

Don't give him an option. Pack the car and inform him that you're going on a trip. Don't serve dinner until you both have a pre-dinner walk. There are ways.

- Bill

[Shana Moore]

Vicki,
Perhaps start a little slower. Or find what activities he likes and go there. The best workouts are ones that you enjoy. When I was at my heaviest...I started with belly dancing...GREAT workout, and it was LOTS of fun...it motivated me to get in better shape. Some folks like swimming, and some folks like to play games on the Wii. It's a matter of what he will find fun at least 80% of the time (we all have days). Once you get him in the habit..the rest will follow.

As for walking, it's cheap and easily available..but not everyone likes it. He may be embarassed at how out of shape he is compared to you...so again, maybe start with close and simple walks, so he won't feel pressure to perform (ahem) because of "all the trouble" you've gone to set it all up? Just some random thoughts.

There is a great park not far from the dojo that has some nice walks around lakes and in the woods. It also has a nice little graduated hill that he can work into. Start with small steps. Perhaps, from what you are saying, start with a 15 min walk. Once he's comfortable with that, increase it 15 minutes, and again until you've got a nice hour long walk where he can talk and walk without obvious effort.

There's also Maymont, which has some hills and MARVELOUS scenery. Lewis Ginter is not physically challenging, but the scenery will take his mind off the walking. Out by me, there is a lovely park and woods trail along the river (Heritage trail)

Also, national parks are also a great resource. Skyline drive has hikes rated by ease of hike.
http://www.nps.gov/shen/planyourvisit/hiking.htm

Shenandoah National Park has over 500 miles of trails, including 101 miles of the Appalachian Trail. Many trails are accessed from Skyline Drive. Some short trails lead to a waterfall or viewpoint; longer and more difficult trails penetrate deep into the forest and wilderness.

http://www.nps.gov/shen/planyourvisit/mapshiking.htm
This link lists out maps and descriptions of the hikes. It notes them as easy, moderate, very challenging, etc. It also lets you know the distance, so you can plan or prepare for it.

[Bill Glasheen]

I was listening to ESPN radio the other day, and heard a piece of a speech by the legendary "Coach K." (See Mike Krzyzewski) I wish my son was in the car with me. He was speaking my language. And it reflects somewhat what Shana is trying to communicate.

Coach K talked about the importance of the love of process. As he put it, a player like Michael Jordan got where he was at his peak because he learned or taught himself to love the day-to-day routines of training and practice. Learn to love the weights. Learn to love the running. Learn to love the drills. It's that love of process that gives them the drive they need to put in the years of work necessary to play the single game we observe.

If it isn't fun, he will quit. Find a way to make it fun. But remember that over time, the body makes its own fun. It's called endorphins. You just need to find a way to prime the endorphin pump.

- Bill

[Shana Moore]

That's a good part of my point, but it sounds like he's not to the learning to love the challenge and burn. Unlike many here (I'm assuming perhaps incorrectly), Ilve been where he sounds like he's at & I'm working my way to the healthy goals I've set for myself..so I'm speaking from my personal experience (mileage may vary). When you've gotten out of the habit & to a certain point..getting in shape is hard. Progress can actually make you temporarily feel worse as your body flushes out the junk (will see if I can find the article on that phenom)..but doing it feels good also..It's twisted.

For me...the key has been three fold..finding things I love and that motivate me to "just do it", taking small steps, and doing one change at a time...this has kept me on track and also kept me from getting to overwhelmed.

karate and dance and weights were my hook..for some it's biking..learning a new skill(diving?), rediscovering something (rollerblading)

whatever works..because..at the point of fat/tired/out of shape..if it's not fun..why keep putting yourself through it? Once you get going..then it feels too good to stop....good luck Vicki. He's lucky to have you in his corner!

[IJ]

I've got a life partner who's not unlike yours in the motivation category, Vicki... altho considerably more trim, and he gets through the plyometrics routine so he's go to be reasonably fit.

I use the pullup / dips station he got; I use p90x 10x more than him. And I've trimmed junk from my diet while he loves his treats, carbs, and moans exercise is too hard "today" because he either worked or worked within the last week. Too much talk about laser liposuction in this house!

I know better than to say a word. Just sets him against it. Just leading by quiet example for now.

I gotta tell you there is simply no way someone who is not incredibly motivated would make it through one tape or more than a few days of p90x. You've got to be fit to start (or you'll be doing 1/10th of the DVDs). I'll definitely make him killer sore, too, and then you can't keep up with the schedule so either anticipate and expect that or it'll seem a defeat. I'd pretrain with pushups pullups and cardio first and still expect to get whipped.

Three other thoughts: who buys food? Go through your cabinets and fridge and toss the junk. Buy smaller plates. Fix only healthy stuff (and if there's no snacks to escape to, he's trapped).

And does this guy need physician clearance before hardcore exercise--if he ever so chooses?

Lastly, I'm not trying to comment on your relationship, just mine, and others, but over the years I've come to believe that "cheated of" is just as hurtful as "cheated on." People who aren't jealous (me) would rather be cheated on that cheated of, if that means there's at least full attention to the primary relationship, IF there weren't health implications. How we look, and how we try to stay healthy and fit for partners is part of the relationship bargain. Even aside from "shallow" but nearly essential relationship concerns like fitness for intimacy (both aesthetics and function), one needs to stay well to stick around so the other partner isn't widowed and healthy from 65-85. That's a long time!!