Moderator: Megan Lieff
You said: "...I'm pretty sure I have my Uechi training to thank for that!"
My automatic dark thought: how could someone with martial arts training (really thinking about the emotional training that comes with martial arts...self-respect, confidence, etc) put up with an abusive relationship, choose an abusing partner, be so casual in stating, "I experienced domestic violence this week."
The conundrum is how to acknowledge another's experience without dwelling on our own.
Dana Sheets wrote:
And, while men do experience being on the receiving end of domestic violence, the overwhelming majority of cases involve men hurting women and their children.
Bill-You are correct that women are not the only ones that are abused, and I’ve seen several other posts on this site that go into great detail about how men can be “set up” as the instigator in a domestic dispute. That is important to note, but not really the topic here. We’re not discussing setting someone up for the blame as much as how the abused can protect her or himself during and after an abusive instance. These are actually two very different situations.
Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.
Bill Glasheen wrote: (Dana and Shana quotes)
I was good. I let these two posts go for a while. Had some sleep. Pumped some iron. Kicked some booty in the dojo.
Translation from my perspective? Sorry, Charlie, but your life experiences aren't valid. Now... run along!
I reject that.
Moral of the story... don't minimize anyone's abuse. It knows no single gender, race, religious belief, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation. Abuse is abuse - period.
Abuse is abuse, and everyone should be heard.
Bill Glasheen wrote:If you're with a good, loving, and secure person, that trust won't be violated. If you're with a person OF EITHER GENDER who has turmoil within, then that can manifest itself in abuse to those around him/her[…]It's really quite easy to get into an abusive relationship. The more loving and trusting we are - both very wonderful qualities - the more vulnerable we are to unsavory types.
chernon wrote:The thing that bothered me the most, (and what spawned my "Dark Thoughts" post) is that this should have been a runaway topic from the moment it appeared, yet 75 views later, it wasn't. Most irritatingly (is that a word?), I didn't feel I had aything to say. It's not that I *didn't* want to say something; it's that I was ever-so-slightly uncomfortable--in a way that made me NOT participate. (akin to looking away perhaps)
chernon wrote:In my opinion, a forum like this is a great beginning. My own gut reaction was humiliating to me. Mary started the bravery; Shana and Bill quickly followed; I'm sure others are reading who may not yet be ready or able to talk. This sort of discussion can knock down doors and let a little light in....and I hope it does. (Truly, it already has.)
Dana Sheets wrote:However, no number will ever capture the true nature and personal consequences of any individual's experience with domestic violence, intimidation, abuse, or neglect. Everyone's experience is valid. Whatever form abuse takes is terrible. Abuse is one of those things that just shouldn't happen yet it happens much more regularly that any of us would like to believe.
We are hard wired with physical responses to the emotion of anger. When that is criss-crossed with issued related to insecurity, and often complicated by alcohol, money, or drugs. things get dangerous quickly. And that doesn't even address the emotional damage that is done that leaves no outward bruise or scar.
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