I just thought I'd come right out and say what I really said when I read that you are dealing with pancreatic cancer...
"oh SH*T, DaRN it! Ugh, awful, awful, not fair, scary, terrible, terrible, sH*T"---
There. I said it. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I don't really know you, we've never met, as far as I know, but these forums have made me enjoy your presence and look forward to your replies. Knowing you are facing a menacing beast and are in pain or may be overwhelmed or scared or sad or angry ....makes me irritated at this whole scenario.
However, up here in the Northeast, this brown belt did some Sanchin-for-Chef.....some quality, gnarly-empty-mushin-glare, crisp, strong, balanced sanchin...and I thought really good thoughts for your health and strength and comfort. It seemed a good way to focus my energy and concentrate it and send it your way.
Hang on! Courage! Strength! Health! Patience! If you need some more Sanchin-for-Chef....you just let me know.