Excitable boy, they all said
And he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy
He took in the four a.m. show at the Clark
Excitable boy, they all said
And he bit the usherette's leg in the dark
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy
Being the father of two boys, I get a front row seat view of what it's like to make a difference as we engage in the process of turning boys to men.
In the beginning it was easy. Number 1 son went everywhere with me, as my dog did when I was a college student. Cramp my style? Hardly. He was my style. In the beginning I developed a son who before the age of 6 could walk up to any adult and engage in a conversation. I took great delight in watching jaws drop as he fearlessly expressed his opinion about the world around him.
And then they get what I like to call "teenage butthead disease." At some point they have to find their own rhythm, and this necessarily means rejecting their parents. It's a tough time. I've learned that the best way to approach that is to choose your battles. You let them have a few, and hold firm on what really matters in life (like doing well in school and staying out of jail for starters...). Sometimes you can accomplish your goals by word. And sometimes (as I have done by choosing not to drink) you have to do it by example - even if it means personal sacrifice.
But you do what you have to do. And why? Take a look at prisons today. The uneducated eye sees discrimination. There are more nonwhites and ethnics (of certain races) than whites. But dig a little deeper and you see men who grew up in homes without fathers. Boys will push; fathers to some extent need to be there to push back. It isn't always pretty, but fathers who show up have a better chance than fathers who don't.
Sometimes when it isn't possible for a dad to do it directly, he can do it indirectly. OK, so your kid decides you're stupid and out of touch. You just don't get them. Well... every once in a while you can find a teacher, a coach, or maybe even a karate instructor who will be on the same page as dad. You use whatever players you need to use in the game of life to accomplish your goal.
Having a "negotiation" with a teenager about his/her behavior requires the patience of Job and a HEPA filter for bullsheet. A teenager convinced of his/her way will obfuscate, redirect, stall, verbally assault, and (worse yet) disengage. It is up to the parent or authority figure to keep on message, keep with the program, and find hard, objective ways to measure progress towards whatever goals in life are worth fighting for.
I didn't say it was easy.
The "gray areas" are tough to negotiate. But sometimes when you see an extreme example, you see example after example of "gray area" behavior that - when viewed in totality - point to a serious problem. This is when those daily battles appear worth fighting for. Sometimes when you fight for the little things, the big things follow.
Case in point.
- See Howard suspendedSI.com wrote:
NEW YORK (AP) -- Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard has been suspended for one game without pay for picking up his 16th technical foul of the season.
He will serve the suspension Monday when the Magic are home against Portland.
The penalty was announced Saturday by NBA executive Stu Jackson.
Howard leads the NBA in technicals this season. His latest one came with 1:41 left in the first half Friday night against Chicago.
With the Bulls up 43-29, Howard came down with an offensive rebound and was hit on the top of his head by Kyle Korver.
Korver was whistled for a foul but took a swipe at the ball moments after the play. That prompted Howard to swing his elbows. The referee separated the players and also called a technical on Howard.
Fight for the little things, and the big things will follow.
He took little Suzie to the Junior Prom
Excitable boy, they all said
And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy
After ten long years they let him out of the home
Excitable boy, they all said
And he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones
Excitable boy, they all said
Well, he's just an excitable boy
For a walk down memory late and a view of an old favorite of mine, see...
EXCITABLE BOY-WARREN ZEVON (FAST and BB VERSION)
Warren Zevon - Excitable Boy (live)
- Bill