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 Post subject: Life goes on--------
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:36 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2000 6:01 am
Posts: 404
Location: Bay Area, CA, USA
Every year at about this time I get all upset from doing my tax return. This year is no different and while I was cussing everyone in Washington this morning, I got a message that my dear good friend, Paul Haydu, just passed away. It was like someone just smack me in the back of my head. -----Rest in peace, Paul.

I had never given the dreaded D word, death, much thought until recently. Other than my grandparents many years ago, the first death that somehow for whatever weird reason unbeknownst to me ingrained in my mind was the death of Kookie. That's right. the "Kookie Kookie Lend Me Your Comb" Kookie. It did not mean much to me though, I was so young and so full of it. Then gradually as time goes on, it seems that people I knew, well known or not, including people I worked with, people I went to school with, people I practice karate with, died off one at a time, and seemed more so recently, and all died just too too young.

I remember it wasn't too long ago, it certainly doesn't feel that long ago (yes let me steal it from Old Blue Eyes)--- when I was seventeen, it was a very very good year. All of a sudden, if I am lucky I will be seeing seventy in less than a couple of years. What happened? Did I just wake up from a coma or something?

After I turned 68 recently it took me three whole months to face up to the fact. I didn't want to acknowledge it and I couldn't believe that the number was correct. I feel forty, I even look forty to me. May be the hospital foul up my birth certificate? Yeah right.

I am a very lucky person to be still here. I know that and I appreciate that although I only started thinking along this line not too long ago. It must be a sign of aging when one starts thinking this way.

I never considered myself as being a bad person. In my mind I believe that I have always tried to do the right things, tried anyway. But I also know that I took just about every opportunity to be bad too.

I regret all the craps I did and I wish I could undo all of them. I did so many stupid things and I offended or hurt so may people. I can't turn the clock back but I can certainly stop doing any more things I can't be proud of though. Or at least try.

I notice that I have become quite mellow for the past year. I have also increased my tolerance with lousy drivers or obnoxious store clerks or self important TSA agents or as^h*#es in general. And 50 years after graduating from a Catholic high school I have begun thinking once again that there might be a god after all. Why else would I still be here? And to make sure I do not fall apart physically, I have been going to the gym religiously in addition to doing my Uechi stuff and beating up Bob-the-dummy. Not for fighting though as those days are gone for me, besides, these are the days of Glocks and AK's.

I don't really know why I am writing all this stuff. For those who followed my little rant to this point, thank you. And to Paul, thank you for opening my eyes a little more about life and even though I love you as a friend I will hold off that cold beer I promised to buy you for as long as I can.

Henry

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 Post subject: Re: Life goes on--------
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 12:12 am 
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Joined: Wed Sep 16, 1998 6:01 am
Posts: 6021
Location: Mount Dora, Florida
Beautifully worded Henry.
Sorry I couldn't talk more earlier. I was at a pub with the "boys night out" gang and they are a very noisy group. I told everyone about Paul's passing, how close a friend he was and how much he will be missed by us all.

There was a moment of silence, then a number of toasts to his memory. I just know Paul would have enjoyed the evening.

Love to all my good friends. . . and Henry. . . you are up there, on top of my list.

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"Do or do not. there is no try!"


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 Post subject: Re: Life goes on--------
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 5:59 am 
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 Post subject: Re: Life goes on--------
PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 3:30 pm 
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We grieve because we have the capacity for memory, we are thinking and feeling persons, and because life changes—and attachments are developed throughout. There may be more reasons, but that is enough for now.

Because life changes and we are constantly gaining and losing things we are often betwixt between joy and sadness. And our memories are involved when we recall possessions of joy—and these possessions are not material possessions, but experiential ones—that have long disappeared from view

At poignant times, when we allow ourselves to graze over the past, memories flood back and we allow our thinking to search each memory. Our feelings are more instinctive, apart from times when we don’t feel enough. But as we nurture these feelings we experience more of them. There is a blessing in feeling.

And even if it is pain that we feel, it is good for us to give credence to what is part of us. Feeling, here, is very much about honouring our memories—the events that made up our lives. If there is pain, we felt it back then, and what happened was wrong, but it is still part of our lives.


Why would we do these things? It’s because life is about loss and one of the greatest skills we can develop is the ability, the capacity, to grieve well. There is no sense in denying the truth.

Grieving Makes Us Human

As we access our eternally personal grief we honour God by living as full a life as possible. God, out of his unparalleled love for us, saves us from none of this testimony for loss. These memories are a requiem for life experiences that mean so much.

We ought not to resent the fact that we grieve and that grief is a process that follows us from birth to death. It requires us to be courageous. And our courage reaps us a blessing of feeling.

If we would choose to deny or negate our grief we would choose to deny or negate vast numbers of pages from the volumes of our lives. It is not the true or best human experience to do that.

***

Grief follows us all our days. Human experience is about loss. When we can accept this, bravely venturing inward, we make the most of this strange roller-coaster life.
S. J. Wickam

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