Salutations,
Just finished my second class this past Monday. Still feeling awkward because I am new. Also feeling slightly uncomfortable being a woman and purposely allowing someone into my space.
Mentally I am fully aware that these people are okay. Everyone from Sensei down has been nice. Most of the class are teenage boys so I would have thought this would not be an issue at all. But it is. Working with the women doesn't bother me a bit. But even being put in a group with the guys to learn Sanchin I was completely aware, too aware to the point of slight distraction, that these guys that I don't know are too close.
Any insight or strategies to get over this quick. I will continue to tell myself that I will get over it, but I want done with it now. I can be short of patience when it comes to my shortcomings.
This whole thing probably stems from years of "always be aware when not amongst friends and family".
Looking for a woman's point of view but I will consider a guys insight.
Thanks for listening...
Glad this forum is here...
L.C. (not Lara Croft, but close)
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Peace Out......
Uechi Newbie.....
Moderator: Available
Uechi Newbie.....
Welcome to the forums, L.C. Sorry, no insights. Just wishing you the patience to stick with it. Whenever we confront something that is uncomfortable for us, there is an opportunity for self-exploration and understanding. This, of course, should be done within the reason and tolerance of the individual.
david
david
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Allen M.
Uechi Newbie.....
Welcome to the world of close-in martial arts as well as to the forums, L.C.
If you continue training in UR, you will find that the uncomfortableness to be an advantage in your training to you rather than a shortcoming, taking on a different meaning. Being uncomfortable when someone gets closer than they belong is a healthy and natural fighting feeling, but how it is exploited and dealt with can make or break a good fighter/defender. Work with yourself.
Part of successful training has to to with mental conditioning and your post reads that UR can be good for you. You are embarking on a journey that can last a long time.
Your sensei is a coach to guide you in your training along the way. Most of us are not unreachable idolistic figures or demi-gods. Grab your sensei by the arm and tell him you need to speak with him about this issue. If he is worth his salt and the dye on his belt is dry, he will help you progress where you need to progress.
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Allen Moulton from Uechi-ryu Etcetera
If you continue training in UR, you will find that the uncomfortableness to be an advantage in your training to you rather than a shortcoming, taking on a different meaning. Being uncomfortable when someone gets closer than they belong is a healthy and natural fighting feeling, but how it is exploited and dealt with can make or break a good fighter/defender. Work with yourself.
Part of successful training has to to with mental conditioning and your post reads that UR can be good for you. You are embarking on a journey that can last a long time.
Your sensei is a coach to guide you in your training along the way. Most of us are not unreachable idolistic figures or demi-gods. Grab your sensei by the arm and tell him you need to speak with him about this issue. If he is worth his salt and the dye on his belt is dry, he will help you progress where you need to progress.
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Allen Moulton from Uechi-ryu Etcetera
Uechi Newbie.....
From a women's view, I remember that "newbie" feeling well in my first classes. You feel awkward, you feel goofy, you are wearing a ghi for the first time and you know you are the only one that doesn't know anything. Now you have to feel all that in a class with a bunch of strangers. And there's a bunch of teenagers to add to the mix "Why am I here?"
Working out with guys can be very intimidating at first, especially if you never had brothers. And working with teenage boys the first time is just plain awkward, lets be honest. But first you need to tell yourself you are in a safe and controlled learning environment. Everyone is there to learn, and everyone also had to start from the beginning.
Also, though you did not say how much older then the teenagers you said you were, my guess is that you are a little bit older and in the dojo the teenagers are hopefully showing and are taught to be respectful. So, so far things are in your favor as far as being the "newbie".
Also, that awkwardness as far as feeling strangers are within your comfort zone is an important learning experience, and is the proper "feeling" to acknowledge. But as you become accustomed to your new friends and workout partners this feeling will pass because it will be replaced with familiarity and comfort.
But don't forget the lesson of what it feels like when someone is within your comfort zone. This is the early lesson that you take with you outside the dojo. This is the same feeling you should always ackonwledge when you sense it anywhere you are because it it telling you to keep your senses aware and pay attention to what is happening around you. It could be the first and most important lesson you can take away from the dojo.
So, hang in there. Have fun. You can accomplish a great deal and learn so much in a class with a good mix. I work out with the guys and teenagers as much as I can because I need the real challenge of their size and strength to keep me sharp and focused. The awkwardness will pass very quickly. Be confident that this will be a new challenge from which you have the most to benefit.
Keep in touch and let us know how your training progresses. Remember, we were all newbies.
BB
Working out with guys can be very intimidating at first, especially if you never had brothers. And working with teenage boys the first time is just plain awkward, lets be honest. But first you need to tell yourself you are in a safe and controlled learning environment. Everyone is there to learn, and everyone also had to start from the beginning.
Also, though you did not say how much older then the teenagers you said you were, my guess is that you are a little bit older and in the dojo the teenagers are hopefully showing and are taught to be respectful. So, so far things are in your favor as far as being the "newbie".
Also, that awkwardness as far as feeling strangers are within your comfort zone is an important learning experience, and is the proper "feeling" to acknowledge. But as you become accustomed to your new friends and workout partners this feeling will pass because it will be replaced with familiarity and comfort.
But don't forget the lesson of what it feels like when someone is within your comfort zone. This is the early lesson that you take with you outside the dojo. This is the same feeling you should always ackonwledge when you sense it anywhere you are because it it telling you to keep your senses aware and pay attention to what is happening around you. It could be the first and most important lesson you can take away from the dojo.
So, hang in there. Have fun. You can accomplish a great deal and learn so much in a class with a good mix. I work out with the guys and teenagers as much as I can because I need the real challenge of their size and strength to keep me sharp and focused. The awkwardness will pass very quickly. Be confident that this will be a new challenge from which you have the most to benefit.
Keep in touch and let us know how your training progresses. Remember, we were all newbies.
BB
Uechi Newbie.....
"Just wishing you the patience to stick with it." - David
Thanks David for the positive wishes. I have always felt that patience is learned and have felt that I am very patient. But this experience has added a new twist on my theory that I have never contemplated before.
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"If you continue training in UR, you will find that the uncomfortableness to be an advantage in your training to you rather than a shortcoming, taking on a different meaning." - Allen M
Thank you Allen for your inspiring words. For now I shall take them at face value and know that the day will come when I fully understand what you have expressed because I have reached that point.
---------------------------------------------
"The awkwardness will pass very quickly. Be confident that this will be a new challenge from which you have the most to benefit." -BB
You nailed it with this statement. That is what I keep telling myself over, and over, and over......
Thank you for your reassurance. All that you said pretty much is how I am feeling inside.
Just for some clarification: Sensei is great, the guys couldn't be better behaved. Thinking now, they must be like "Oh no, I have the old lady." I am only 32(for a few more days at least). But when you are a generation older than people, you feel it whether you want to or not.
---------------------------------------------
"I work out with the guys and teenagers as much as I can because I need the real challenge of their size and strength to keep me sharp and focused." - BB
As contradicting to my post as this may sound, I am looking forward to this time to come. The way I see it is, my enemy will most likely be a guy. So it only makes sense to me that I would get the most out of training with guys.
My Sensei asked if I was interested in getting into some grappling. Which I am, but I still need to build some upper body, and leg strength. Because, there again I feel that I will be, at some point during the altercation, having to fight from the ground. I hope not, but I should be prepared none the less.
---------------------------------------------
This whole self preservation thing for me came about in the form of a(figuratively speaking) hard dope slap to the forehead. It happened about 2 months ago. After reflecting on what happened, as well as how long I have been leaving my proverbial @$$ swaying in the breeze, I came to the quick and sensible decision to pursue karate.
So between starting at a gym 2 months ago and starting karate 2 weeks ago, people close to me are starting to think I have hit my mid-life early.
But even as they joke I see the envy in their eyes.....
They wish they had the backbone to take karate and some have told me so.
Thanks for listening and responding. I do appreciate it. It helps me when I don't keep things bottled inside. It also helps tremendously when I can know that others have felt the same.
L.C.
Laura Cobb
(the Lara Croft thing only had to do with the initials not the ability, well at least not yet......)
Thanks David for the positive wishes. I have always felt that patience is learned and have felt that I am very patient. But this experience has added a new twist on my theory that I have never contemplated before.
---------------------------------------------
"If you continue training in UR, you will find that the uncomfortableness to be an advantage in your training to you rather than a shortcoming, taking on a different meaning." - Allen M
Thank you Allen for your inspiring words. For now I shall take them at face value and know that the day will come when I fully understand what you have expressed because I have reached that point.
---------------------------------------------
"The awkwardness will pass very quickly. Be confident that this will be a new challenge from which you have the most to benefit." -BB
You nailed it with this statement. That is what I keep telling myself over, and over, and over......
Thank you for your reassurance. All that you said pretty much is how I am feeling inside.
Just for some clarification: Sensei is great, the guys couldn't be better behaved. Thinking now, they must be like "Oh no, I have the old lady."
I am only 32(for a few more days at least). But when you are a generation older than people, you feel it whether you want to or not. ---------------------------------------------
"I work out with the guys and teenagers as much as I can because I need the real challenge of their size and strength to keep me sharp and focused." - BB
As contradicting to my post as this may sound, I am looking forward to this time to come. The way I see it is, my enemy will most likely be a guy. So it only makes sense to me that I would get the most out of training with guys.
My Sensei asked if I was interested in getting into some grappling. Which I am, but I still need to build some upper body, and leg strength. Because, there again I feel that I will be, at some point during the altercation, having to fight from the ground. I hope not, but I should be prepared none the less.
---------------------------------------------
This whole self preservation thing for me came about in the form of a(figuratively speaking) hard dope slap to the forehead. It happened about 2 months ago. After reflecting on what happened, as well as how long I have been leaving my proverbial @$$ swaying in the breeze, I came to the quick and sensible decision to pursue karate.
So between starting at a gym 2 months ago and starting karate 2 weeks ago, people close to me are starting to think I have hit my mid-life early.
But even as they joke I see the envy in their eyes.....
They wish they had the backbone to take karate and some have told me so.
Thanks for listening and responding. I do appreciate it. It helps me when I don't keep things bottled inside. It also helps tremendously when I can know that others have felt the same.
L.C.
Laura Cobb
(the Lara Croft thing only had to do with the initials not the ability, well at least not yet......
)Uechi Newbie.....
Glad to know you will be sticking with it. Just to give you a little background on how I started, I was 40 years old when I took my first classes and for some foolish reason I felt compelled to "keep up" with the 20 year olds. I didn't have their flexibility or their stamina or coordination. (I giggled a lot too out of nervousness).
The first time sparing I couldn't get out of my own way and I was scored on repeatedly, but soon learned to, at least, step out of reach. But I couldn't score much that way either. It was an instructor that pointed out that my hands were fast but now to put them to use. Instead of backing off I was now asked to lunge in and out with quick strikes to the head and body. Lunge in! I could lose my head! But the move ended up working so well that I was soon scoring points. I really did get a boost on scoring on those teenages and twenty somethings, especially when they were depending on lots of high kicks. Threw their techniques off when I was suddenly on top of them. It was a nice boost to my confidence as a newbie (and I felt like a newbie for a long time).
OK, the point of my story. You will find where your strengths and weaknesses are, and like me, you may feel like you have more weaknesses then strong suits. However, improvement comes with the practice and the training. If I don't work at my stamina and flexibility I'll get hurt or discouraged with a hard workout in class. So I have to work at it. I don't run (I hate running) but I do my stretching in front of the tv news and I use kardio tapes at home for stamina (works for me, if I didn't put the tape in I probably wouldn't do it). Find those things that will work for you.
I still can not do splits, nor can I do flying breakfalls, and I could never do spinning jump kicks, (I can still break boards but my arthritic hands protest after a while) my shoulders also protest after 30 pushups, but I still have accomplished a lot in my training. My stamina is better then most in my classes now, so the younger people are now compelled to keep up with me. My legs and arms are stronger then they have ever been and I have avoided major injuries by just being smart about it. (Though I was surprised in my early training that a women can have a groin pull too. You feel pretty foolish when you have to pick your leg up to put it in the car just to drive home).
After several years and a lot of fun in the process I train now 3-4 times a week and assit in instructing a couple times a week too. I work with a lot of "newbies" and that is the best part of instructing because I remember so well what it was like.
I have women work with women to build their confidence on a new technique, but soon make them work the same technique on men because it is so necessary to feel the differences for which you have to adjust....change your stance, change your angles, etc.
Have fun in the learning and the doing and the challenges. There is so much about yourself from which to learn and to grow.
BB
The first time sparing I couldn't get out of my own way and I was scored on repeatedly, but soon learned to, at least, step out of reach. But I couldn't score much that way either. It was an instructor that pointed out that my hands were fast but now to put them to use. Instead of backing off I was now asked to lunge in and out with quick strikes to the head and body. Lunge in! I could lose my head! But the move ended up working so well that I was soon scoring points. I really did get a boost on scoring on those teenages and twenty somethings, especially when they were depending on lots of high kicks. Threw their techniques off when I was suddenly on top of them. It was a nice boost to my confidence as a newbie (and I felt like a newbie for a long time).
OK, the point of my story. You will find where your strengths and weaknesses are, and like me, you may feel like you have more weaknesses then strong suits. However, improvement comes with the practice and the training. If I don't work at my stamina and flexibility I'll get hurt or discouraged with a hard workout in class. So I have to work at it. I don't run (I hate running) but I do my stretching in front of the tv news and I use kardio tapes at home for stamina (works for me, if I didn't put the tape in I probably wouldn't do it). Find those things that will work for you.
I still can not do splits, nor can I do flying breakfalls, and I could never do spinning jump kicks, (I can still break boards but my arthritic hands protest after a while) my shoulders also protest after 30 pushups, but I still have accomplished a lot in my training. My stamina is better then most in my classes now, so the younger people are now compelled to keep up with me. My legs and arms are stronger then they have ever been and I have avoided major injuries by just being smart about it. (Though I was surprised in my early training that a women can have a groin pull too. You feel pretty foolish when you have to pick your leg up to put it in the car just to drive home).
After several years and a lot of fun in the process I train now 3-4 times a week and assit in instructing a couple times a week too. I work with a lot of "newbies" and that is the best part of instructing because I remember so well what it was like.
I have women work with women to build their confidence on a new technique, but soon make them work the same technique on men because it is so necessary to feel the differences for which you have to adjust....change your stance, change your angles, etc.
Have fun in the learning and the doing and the challenges. There is so much about yourself from which to learn and to grow.
BB
Uechi Newbie.....
Hi LC. This comfort zone you're describing is just one of the incredibly powerful social forces that shape our lives.
Think about walking down the beach. If someone puts an umbrella where most are walking, they'll make a 8 foot circle detour around the thing like there's a magnetic field.
Or think about how hard it is to speak up when everyone is quiet. Studies have showed over and over that subjects will sit in a room they believe is on fire if others (who know its not) act like nothing's going on. I was at a terrible presentation today to 70 people that was incomprehensible, and the speaker asked if anyone had questions 10 times to no avail. After, we ALL got up to ask her what in the hey she was talking about and what forms we needed for what. No one wanted to break the trend of silence.
It's vital to be aware of the little social cues people send. If you ignore them you may be putting yourself at huge risks and not know it until too late.
But if the perception is more awkward, nervous, or scary than just ALERTING, the "mushin" hasn't kicked in yet. This kind of perception can be very handicapping in fights. As we learn not to speak if others are quiet, we learn to be polite, and not to hit, or say go away, or assert ourselves in many ways that could avert a nasty situation.
Getting over this is a vital part of karate mindset and partner training.
Some karate (and tkd is an extreme example) is a fantasy world where boundaries are respected. Too close? TKD olympians push each other away so they can kick again. Real world? No such courtesy. Or a judge breaks you.
If you're not ready to be smothered by some nasty, smelly, sweaty mean guy using his stubble as a weapon trying to pin you--and just be PO'd rather than determined and vicious, ready to bite off his ear if you get the chance--I would wager that there are still some social chains to break before you're ready to fight.
I mean this as general advice for everyone, including myself, not as a critique at all. I am, however, trying to be constantly aware of my limitations in this area and take steps to improve.
For example, I didn't interrupt this lousy talk today, but I did stop another session on Friday and suggest the instructor approach the topic from a completely different angle. She did, thanked me for the suggestion (didn't know what was happening wasn't working) and I also got thanked by five or so of the group members and the rest clearly appreciated the step too. So why was it so hard?
I go through something like that and then I think, if it takes me 10 minutes to build up the nerve to speak up, how can I hope to violate that personal magnetic field and reflexively punch someone in the head with the aim to break their jaw?
So I keep workin'.
Good luck with class...
Think about walking down the beach. If someone puts an umbrella where most are walking, they'll make a 8 foot circle detour around the thing like there's a magnetic field.
Or think about how hard it is to speak up when everyone is quiet. Studies have showed over and over that subjects will sit in a room they believe is on fire if others (who know its not) act like nothing's going on. I was at a terrible presentation today to 70 people that was incomprehensible, and the speaker asked if anyone had questions 10 times to no avail. After, we ALL got up to ask her what in the hey she was talking about and what forms we needed for what. No one wanted to break the trend of silence.
It's vital to be aware of the little social cues people send. If you ignore them you may be putting yourself at huge risks and not know it until too late.
But if the perception is more awkward, nervous, or scary than just ALERTING, the "mushin" hasn't kicked in yet. This kind of perception can be very handicapping in fights. As we learn not to speak if others are quiet, we learn to be polite, and not to hit, or say go away, or assert ourselves in many ways that could avert a nasty situation.
Getting over this is a vital part of karate mindset and partner training.
Some karate (and tkd is an extreme example) is a fantasy world where boundaries are respected. Too close? TKD olympians push each other away so they can kick again. Real world? No such courtesy. Or a judge breaks you.
If you're not ready to be smothered by some nasty, smelly, sweaty mean guy using his stubble as a weapon trying to pin you--and just be PO'd rather than determined and vicious, ready to bite off his ear if you get the chance--I would wager that there are still some social chains to break before you're ready to fight.
I mean this as general advice for everyone, including myself, not as a critique at all. I am, however, trying to be constantly aware of my limitations in this area and take steps to improve.
For example, I didn't interrupt this lousy talk today, but I did stop another session on Friday and suggest the instructor approach the topic from a completely different angle. She did, thanked me for the suggestion (didn't know what was happening wasn't working) and I also got thanked by five or so of the group members and the rest clearly appreciated the step too. So why was it so hard?
I go through something like that and then I think, if it takes me 10 minutes to build up the nerve to speak up, how can I hope to violate that personal magnetic field and reflexively punch someone in the head with the aim to break their jaw?
So I keep workin'.
Good luck with class...
Uechi Newbie.....
Hi Dukie and welcome to the forums
The only two words I can add to this thread are "discipline" and "determination".
I have found through my martial arts study that usually nothing worth doing comes easily. Usually the mental hurdle is the most difficult to overcome and that's where those two words come into play. You find out a lot about what you are made of and just how strong you really are when you take martial arts.
I wish you the best of luck in your studies.
The only two words I can add to this thread are "discipline" and "determination".
I have found through my martial arts study that usually nothing worth doing comes easily. Usually the mental hurdle is the most difficult to overcome and that's where those two words come into play. You find out a lot about what you are made of and just how strong you really are when you take martial arts.
I wish you the best of luck in your studies.
