Since you're such a tough guy...

[tunetigress]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dmsdc:
Jeff,

I have had several conversations with dojo mates about these very topics.
Most of the men I trained with and do train with are really great guys. But a lack of communication can change any interaction. All of my negative early experiences happened because there was not open communication -- because I didn't see anybody else asking their partner to lighten up so I figured talking wasn't acceptable. (Keep in mind I was just starting my training when many of these things happened. Actually people were asking other to lighten up -- they just did it too softly for me to hear.)

Today, I have very clear and strong boundries in my training and I have no fear of telling a training partner what I need. I am comfortable in my abilities and I know that there is nothing to be gained if I get hurt just to save my pride.

I am also sharing these points in a broader way because so many women have never found their voice in their dojo and have left karate. I think this is a great loss.

Try to keep in mind the feeling you had the first time you realized that you were up against someone who could really, really injure you by accident due to the overwhelming difference in your power/weight ratios.

This is the feeling I had my first two years on the floor. People in Uechi hit hard, and we put our lives in each other's hands by trusting the level of control of our training partners. Women who train with men put a lot of trust and faith in their partner's ability to control their power and that act of faith will not be achieved in an dojo that isn't open to understanding where women are coming from - what their concerns or fears may be - and how to work all that out in a mostly male, often paramilitary environment.

Dana<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dana, Although I am a student of Kenpo rather than Uechi-Ryu, I have been riveted to this thread and all that you have said in it. I totally identify with your view of women in the Martial Arts, and after reading in this forum about the requirements of Uechi-Ryu (taking your gi top off??? in a 'mixed class??? yikes!!!), I am eternally grateful for my Dojo and the endless opportunities it has offered me! In Kenpo we study our basic lesson privately, often in family groups, then attend the various 'groups' of our individual choice throughout the week. My nasty shock occurred over a year into my training, when Sensei asked me to be the 'token woman' on the Dojo's Demo Team. I was expected to attend 'team training'! Dana , at this point I began to experience everything you have mentioned in this thread! I'd never even heard of 'conditioning', and certainly had never held a bag before! This all scared the living krap out of me as 2 of the guys on the team were huge, and the other two merely large, and all more advanced than I. I think I was an orange belt at that time...??? Anyway, these were all young guys in their 20's, and I never even started Karate until I was over 40, so there was a double rift to cross there. Anyway, thanks to the skill of my instructor, Sensei Don Roe, I was thankfully 'brought into the fold' in the end with great respect and consideration, though often I'd have to walk up to some guy and tell him he was gonna be my partner! The Team was, in the end, a great success, and we ended up having such fun that we all became friends regardless of all the superficial krap that prevents people from being who they really are! Dana, all the Karate women who have 'lasted' that I have spoken with have had similar experiences from time to time. I M H O we must, as women , help to establish a framework of how our Art can be bettered by the involvement of women, and then enable young women to become involved with us as role models for the future. _(__)_ Tunetigress

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[This message has been edited by tunetigress (edited February 25, 2002).]

[Dana Sheets]

Hello tunetigress, and welcome.

My hope is that by having an open line of dialogue we can help more women feel comfortable and safe training in martial arts. I also hope that more women will feel comfortable joining Uechi - which has a reputation of being particularly....hard hitting.

Equally important is to share what knowlege we can with the men who train with women. The movements of the 60' s and 70's included the themes of "anything you can do I can do better" and "women are no different from men" and I think those underlying messages -- while they served an important purpose at the time, are now detrimental on the floor.

Men and women are quite different. Not better or worse, just apples and oranges. But by talking things out maybe we can figure out ways to train better together, and train better in general.

Your story is great to hear -- thank you for sharing it. What is your training like today? Do you still find yourself having to single out a partner and (oh so gently) coerce them into them working with you?

Dana