<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Van - about the smile...
No. (not smiling)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Would he think: what a bitch
and of ways to make her life uncomfortable, however briefly, since he perceived an affront? Slapping a male's ego in public is fraught with danger.
And what if you are the first to smile at him as your gazes cross? What message do you think you are sending, and why, and more important, what message do you think he is receiving? Would you really be surprised if he approaches you with a pretext? Now how do you explain your smile if he brings it up?
Did they talk about simply ignoring him and turning your attention elsewhere? I think the problem in saying “NO” is that it might send the message that you are willing to be “engaged” in conversation even with a “no” response in the instance you mention.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I said no. (not smiling)
I want you to move away from me.(not smiling)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I have seen this happen in crowded bars. At times the guy feels put down in front of other women and men patrons and harbors resentment and revenge ideation.
Did the instructor talk about simply moving away, saying nothing?
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote
Another very important thing we talked about, which is what Van shared with his student, is that the aggressor is often not going to come from straight in front of you, but from the side.
Very true. He may come from the side or from a closer than prearranged kumite range,before
one has reached the “resolution
stage on how to handle the “Vagueness” of the initial threat.
Many times the “shot” fires during this mental limbo, and stuns. Many of us have no idea of the “shock” the system experiences at the moment of a good solid hit to the face and resultant critical “immobility” it creates, even as you might recover from it.
Prearranged kumites do not, cannot address this, unless modified into more realism encouraging some facial contact, if need be.
Compounding the problem is the fact that in kumite you don’t punch to the face, so you are conditioned to expect a body blow. On the street you will be punched to the face 99 out of 100 times.
Why did the drunk slap my student in the head and not in the body?
> No smile? Did not mean to be intrusive, it is just that you have a lovely face and I was thinking I‘d have liked seeing you smile.Sorry for the bother.
* Easy to resist that compliment as a woman, without smiling? And with the smile, possibly signaling a willingness to be engaged?
Would you be better off saying nothing?