It has been discussed many times on this forum the many ways your center/spirit can be taken away from you, how you can become mentally/emotionally unnerved, as well as physically beaten. In this dance of life, sometimes the Great Spirit throws a brick at you to get you to pay attention.
As everyone else has, I've had my share of triumphs and failures … mental, emotional, spiritual, physical highs and lows. The challenge was not to collapse either in the good or bad times.
I've talked before about how your hara/spirit can be snatched from you by words … being interrogated by lawyers for example. I've shared how breathing, sinking into my one point saved me during those times.
With each circle of karate, I've learned there's another layer to "peel off" that keeps one from personal excellence. I've had to examine my hopes and fears and see what blocks & obstacles I've put in my way to keep me from training, growing and learning. As the song goes," it don't come easy."
Well, friends, I have reached a personal dark night of the soul. And it's hard to regain one's center after being caught off guard and knocked down. It's ironic when your world or an era ends in your life, we some how expect something to end or change quietly… when it comes kicking and screaming at our door, we're just not prepared.
It started with my Mom dying recently … not unexpected, but deeply experienced -- especially as I dealt with talking long distance to the medical community about a DNR (her last wishes) only to have it superceded by a over-zealous internist … but that's another story.
Then, I found out that this world is not as safe as I've felt. I've been stalked, abused, and generally victimized because of being in the right place at the wrong time with the wrong person. More than that I dare not say … a case is pending. And, someone IS watching the words we write, the calls we make, and the places we go.
What I ask for now is prayers from those so inclined for an emotional/mental healing. What I ask from black belts and senseis … teach your students well about personal boundaries, listening to your gut, holding your space, and never, never never allow another rank or person in your arena -- in karate, our government, or local authorities -- to hurt or abuse you MENTALLY. The mental, emotional, and spiritual mind-bodies are just as important as the physical body.
I've just returned to training … it's been hard -- my sensei and students know the barest of details … and it's very hard to show you all my face right now. I feel as if I lost part of my soul or spirit in this process. But, anything kept hidden in the shadows does grow stronger.
Train as if your life depended on it ...