Basics: RTPV

[LenTesta]

The word “guppy” to some people might mean young and underdeveloped.
It is very strange indeed to see the word "guppy" under some names. Tony Blauer, for instance!

Student is correct about the status to member, which occurs by the amount of posts that one makes. I am not sure if it coincides with time but I was not a guppy very long, so I would assume that it is based on the number.
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What you call someone in a forum as in a verbal altercation, can affect that person's judgment of the situation. Some do not care if they are called a "guppy", "minnow", or "grasshopper". Some will take offense if you call them a gentleman. A very "macho man" I know hates being called a gentleman and gets very offensive when someone refers to him in that way. In my mind a gentleman is not a bad thing to call someone. However, in this persons mind it was offensive.

I like to use diffusing phrases.
<UL TYPE=SQUARE> I do not want to fight you. I am sorry you feel that way. I have sympathy for your views. Your opinions are noted and accepted.</UL>
I always used questions instead of statements. A statement makes you seem like a know it all. A question makes you appear as the student and the other person, the teacher.

Some diffusing questions that will make the other person reconsider his threats may include.

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>Do we really want to hurt each other because we disagree...bumped each other...have had bad day...are mad at someone else or everyone? If we fight, will our problems go away? Can we talk about this as if we were friends? </UL>

Questions buy time. It forces the other person to answer. They may say YES and try to provoke you to respond. You can counter their answer with follow up questions.
If they say yes to the question "Will our problems go away". Then ask what problems can be solved by fighting?. This is another question to buy time. There may be a problem that he/she is willing to discuss, but no one wanted to listen to.
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Question: Is it more difficult for a physically imposing person to use VSD?

This is a very good question by student.
I do not think so. That is my opinion. I am not large of stature so I cannot say with experience, that it is difficult for a person of great size to use VSD. I think that it may be harder for a person of smaller stature to use VSD when confronted by a larger person. The larger person who uses VSD skills, does not seem so imposing if their mannerisms and tone of voice was non threatening. I would assume that it may be easier for larger people. A large and intimidating person is not one who everyone feels they can handle easily in a fight. Most will back down from situations such as these.
Reality Self-Defense co-Sensei Josh Wiseman is a very large man. During a night out in a bar, with other summer camp participants, he was confronted by a large (but not as large as Josh) man. Josh used this question to quell the situation. “What the hell are you staring at.” The man looked at Josh again, and said “Nothing" as he turned and walked away. Josh forced the man to reconsider his imposing size. If I asked the same question of that man, I would not get the same answer, or response. Josh’s tone was not exactly as calm as one should have been in VSD, but he used verbal skills first, and it was in the form of a question instead of a statement. If Josh had said, “I do not like the way you are staring at me”. The other man might have said something different and may have escalated the situation. Was Josh’s size alone the intimidating factor or was it the question? Only the other man can answer that!


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Len Testa

[LenTesta]

Is it more difficult for a physically imposing person to use VSD?

This question was originally posted by student in another thread on this forum.

I think this question deserves a thread of it's own

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Len Testa

[gmattson]

I heard about the encounter with Josh! The guy staring at Josh must have been extrememlly drunk or crazy as a loon!

Regarding the term "Guppy". I didn't like the default term of jr.member and thought that J.D.'s term for beginner was more appropriate. However, if anyone can think of a more appropriate term, please suggest it and we will use it.

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GEM

[student]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gmattson:
I heard about the encounter with Josh! The guy staring at Josh must have been extremely drunk or crazy as a loon!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You realize, of course, that drunk and crazy are not mutually exclusive alternatives....

And as potential substitutes for guppy, may I suggest:

member-in-training, new member, newbie, neophyte, New Guy Onna Block, or - my favorite - kyu.

The programmer could still have some fun with this one: 6th kyu for the first two posts, 5th kyu for the next two, etc., until one becomes Member at the 13th post.

Of course, if this were a Korean forum rather than Okinawan, we could then still employ the word Guppy....

student

[This message has been edited by student (edited August 17, 2000).]

[Panther]

As student points out, the term "Guppy" is often used in the Korean arts where the equivalent to our "kyu" ranks is their "gup" ranks...

As for Testa-san's repost of student's question... I'll jump over to the new thread.

[RA Miller]

Len-

Concerning other defusing phrases-
I don't want to jump the gun, we may need a new set of kihon before we look at phrases. Lets call it timing.

Valid timing for VSD:

Urgent: last moments before physical altercation. Actually challenging or late in the "woof". This is the situation where the empathic listener/ verbal feedback / open ended questions paradigm probably _won't_ work. This is in the Monkey Dance (have I gone over the Monkey Dance yet?) and requires special rules.

Important: Your getting that feeling of unease. Something is on your radar screen and you may not know what or who. Interview stage or less personal menace. Pure VSD. You can end it here before it goes bad without winners or losers.

Proactive: Probably the most critical because it is the most personal. If something is going wrong with someone you know, how do you respond before the damage is irreparable. If you are dealing with a bad guy that you will be dealing with off and on for the rest of your career, how can you set it up this time to automatically win next time.

Len, this is off the top of my head and I am sure there are other stages- just thinking that the Four Types of Anger (tm, probably) would present a four level paradigm...hmm. Anyway, obviously the techniques of VSD would vary, just as the appropriate techniques for karate vary with range. My gut feeling is that we should look at parameters first and then start with specifics.

Rory

[LenTesta]

Rory:
Excellant Idea

I learned a kihon (sho) from Sensei Neves at summer camp. It is basic and it is good.

I believe you are correct sir. We need to establish some groundwork.

Kevin Mackie has lent me some tapes from a seminar by Fred Pryor on controlling emotions and anger in confrontations. I am in the process of reviewing them and I will post what is relevent to us in the M.A.

Also, Tony Blauer has graciously given me a tape on VSD skills which I will also share on this forum.

I will start a new thread called VSD Kihon where we can work on this.



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Len Testa