The importance of professionalism

[Bill Glasheen]

The world disappoints me every day.

Plus je sait l'homme, plus j'aime mon chien.

- Charles de Gaulle

I dont' really quite know how to say this... I probably won't express myself very well. But I will try.

Women, this world is sitting, waiting for you to fail where men traditionally walk. Waiting... Watching... I'm sorry, but that's a fact.

Before you act, ask yourself this. What would my parents think if I did such-and-such? If you dont' feel warm and fuzzy about it, well then DON'T DO IT!

We love to build people up, and then tear them down. There was actually a song written about that... Today you're a hero, tomorrow you are the target of gossip.

And speaking of such... Boy do we have some gossips in this Uechi world. Nasty! Vicious! Uncalled for!

Yes, talk is cheap when the story is good. A song written about that too!

Do you mind your behavior being on the 6:00 news? If so, DON'T DO IT!

People make me sad. People make me want to cry inside sometimes.

Please, don't disappoint me. My lips will remain sealed. But don't disappoint me. Because, you see... I can get away with bad behavior a lot easier than you can. You will be road kill in a man's rear view mirror.

It *****, but that's the way it is.



- Bill

[Dana Sheets]

Lies, rumors, gossip....are generally the tools people use when they feel inferior, slighted, under appreciated, absued, or in some other way pushed outside of their comfort zone. It is one way of dealing with it. Other choose different stategies: humor; direct confrontation, mediation, discussion, letter writing, etc.

It seems that there is a rumor going around about a woman somewhere that's come to Bill's attention that he's not happy to have heard. I've been on travel in Denver all week and haven't read the forums closely so I don't know if this is a public rumor or a private one. Either way I've never really seen much good come out of a rumor or story told with the intent to harm or degrade another.

One thing I think all martial artists share is a love of fellowship, conversation, story swapping...and just like any other part of our training stories can get out of hand. Light hearted teasing can turn into exaggeration and rumor mills...or even outright insults.

We talk alot about checking our physical behaviors -- how 'bout the verbal ones? Self examination is a good place to start. Have you started a rumor recently? Shared a secret or gossip better kept to yourself? How did you feel? Better? I doubt it. I usually feel like absolute crap after doing something like that. It usually takes a few days for me to forgive myself.

Like Bill said - you might want to think before you speak. And women in martial arts are often living life in a fish bowl. Actually everybody gets their turn in the fishbowl. But how quickly we forget that when we think we're outside of tank looking in.

Dana

[2Green]

A friend of mine introduced me to the term "character assassination".
This is destroying someones' character behind their back.
They never have a chance to defend their actions or speech, they are simply cut down in subtle but effective ways unbeknownst to them. This happens a lot.

To avoid this, you can follow a simple rule:
"Never say something about a person that you wouldn't say to their face."

When you are asked to comment on a person's conduct, in their absence, remember that as a martial artist you are obliged to defend those who cannot defend themselves.
You can speak honestly about issues, but remember to balance your comments toward the truth.
The truth is always the grand arbiter, but it must be acknowledged tactfully.
Opinions are a mixture of subjectivity and expression.
They may or may not point to the truth.

I don't believe this viewpoint is political correctness run rampant. It is more a sort of moral-based civility.
Many wrongs have been wreaked upon individuals by way of hysteria, mob-mentality, acceptance/propagation of gossip and judgment based upon ignorance.
It behooves the martial artist, I believe, to rise above these social failings and apply some "reflective mind" versus "grasping mind" to such situations, and stir in some compassion as well.

NM

[chef]

I remember an incident in 8th grade that hurt very bacly at that time. My 'best friend' over heard some girls in the bathroom talking about how I should have stuffed my bra for the school picture because of how awful I looked being so flat chested. I don't think I needed to hear their opinions at that time in my life. It did not good to repeat to me. It did not help me in any way. Some things should never be repeated, period. I never forgot that incident....too painful.

As an adult, we have to live with the choices we make. We are responsible and accountable for every word we utter....therefore we should think long and hard before we make a hasty generalization or comment about another. My pastor spoke on this long ago and I never forgot his lesson on 'think before you speak', using the word think as a mnemonic device. See below.

T....is it truthful?
H....does it help?
I.....is it inspiring?
N.....is it necessary?
K.....is it kind?

As yourself those questions before you speak a word, and then decide. Also remember you were given two ears and one mouth....some think to listen twice as much as you should talk.

Just some thoughts.
Vicki

[LeeDarrow]

Dr. Glasheen-Sensei,

"Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me."

How many times have we heard that - as children and adults.

Well, from a very real standpoint, it is one of the BIGGEST LIES OUT THERE!

More hurt is done by words, more hurt is returned BY words and more physical acts of violence are precipitated BY words than by any other cause.

A fist to the face may be forgotten or forgiven, but an insult, properly made, lasts a LONG time.

Heinlein once said, "An insult is like a drink. It only effects you if you take it." Sage words, but very hard to live by, as he points out in Revolt in 2100, where one of his characters proves that HOW something is said can engender an almost automatic response.

Add to that the "rumor mill,' which is really more like a game of telephone, where, with each retelling of the damaging story, it grows and gets nastier and you have a real receipe for serious damage, destruction of long time friendships and retributive actions.

Each situation is unique and each situation has to be handled with the personalities and egos of the people involved kept firmly in mind.

I hope you can navigate your way through this mess without running aground on the rocky shoals of emotionality and dispair.

Drop me an IM if you'd like. Your posts have taught me a lot and I'd welcome the chance to return the favor.

Lee Darrow, C.Ht.
http://www.leedarrow.com

[Bill Glasheen]

Lee

Thank you.

Half the job is done, thanks to you folks. The other half is help for the casualties of bad judgement.

If this sort of thing never happened, I would have said nothing. Fortunately/unfortunately it is all too common - so much so that I have no fear folks will figure out which gossip I'm talking about.

- Bill