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Dealing with the public, one may find themselves often at odds with trying constanly maintain a professional attitude.

With much rudeness and disrespect often reflected by the genenral public, it appears as though ones "self control" is often being tested.

It is easy for those who are limited in interacting with others to not be as effected by the "chemical change" that takes place when one's patience is tested. However, for those who deal with it on a daily basis, the "Tiger Within" often want's to surface.

Athough we must maintain a civilized responce to others as we are "public servants" (in retail industry) it appears as though much of the public tend to take advantage of "being in control".

There is a percentage of people in society that regardless of how we are towords them, demand a sence of importance that carry's some arrogance.

I find at times it most difficult to resist responce at times in such situations that is less than "proffessional" .

In public many would cut you off in traffic lacking any common courtecy, bump into you accidently or intentionally (physically) without appology for the physical contact, make comments that lack respect or contain some need for superiority.

Funny how these same people who claim to be "United Americans", "Christians" and/or other labeled social categorized being are at times, the worst offenders.

We can only control "our" reactions and behaviour in responce to situations that present themsleves. How difficult it is at times.

When the "Sleeping Tiger" awakes for some, all hell breaks loose and many consequinces come into play.

How do you deal with such individuals when verbally challenged by them ? Believe that everyone is nice ? Let's hear that also.

Respectfully,



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Gary S.

I am also in one of those positions where being nice is required. I am a counselor in the mental health feild. I will also admit that I am just as likely to get agitated as the next person.

Fortunately, when I break "character", It usually causes those involved to pause and re-evaluate what has just occured. communication comes from need most of the time. When people suddenly realize their needs are not going to be met given the approach they are taking, they seem to back up and try again.

Other times it just confirms what they were projecting! These are the transactions that go downhill in a hurry. In these situations, I am honest enough with myself to know that I am trying to "win", which usually doesn't have the other's best interest in the forefront of consideration. I start looking for help. Call in a team member.

I guess what I am saying is that when I loose control of myself, I am seeking a way to pull it back together. A way to deal with that is to both offer and accept ways to "save face".

Make any sense?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LenTesta:
I hear you Gary,

I am not without faults either though. I am always amazed at how calm I can be when something goes wrong while I am in the dojo.

Outside the dojo is different though. I do not know why. I have often enraged other drivers, who were being just as idiotic and uncaring as you described above, when I should have just said or did nothing. I almost got into a brawl with someone who I had no clue as to his size or if he was even carrying a weapon. Fortunately he never got out of his car or I would have been much later opening the dojo than I wanted to be.

I understand the job that you do Gary. I assume that you are refering to customers and the way they treat you as an employee. Everyone is familiar with the saying the customer is always right and customers know this as well. However it shouldn't mean that they can be rude.Mental harm can injure but you can't return with physical harm. Let the sleeping tiger lay. Save your rage for the jerks that mean to cause you phsical harm.

If you wish to put some of these people in their place however, there are many good books you can read on how to be subtle without losing your job in the process.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Len Testa-Sensei,

In the dojo, you are in a more or less predictable environment, where you are in control. In the rest of the world, that is not the case and, like many of us, you have times when someone will get under your skin and you will act out on your irritation. Welcome to the club.

When one is in major control of a portion of their lives, like being Sensei in a dojo where, in class at least, you are in control, it is sometimes daunting to make the paradigm shift to the outside world.

In my professional opinion, this is one reason than some high-ranking Sensei are such egotistical jerks (no one in here that I have encountered, BTW) - they have trouble making the distinction between the dojo and the outside world.

As the great humorist Swami Beyondananda once said, "the only way to overcome gravity is with levity." Sometimes, one has to step back and see the absurdity of the actions of others and of ourselves.

Personally, I'm still working on this one - big time.

Gary-sama, this elitism is the same animal that rears its ugly head with members of a priviledged class, such as born-agains and the like because they have been told over and over again that they are SPECIAL or, in some cases, Diety's Special Children and therefore (through some twisted logic) can do no wrong for they will always be forgiven.

What they fail to understand is that most people are not as all-forgiving as their Diety. They also forget that doing unto others as they would have done unto themselves is critical to their application of faith.

My reaction is to just take care of them like anyone else, let them go and chuckle about their misunderstanding of what they have been taught.

The Maker loves laughter - that's why there are so many of us. - This is a tenent of the Swami's Absurdiveness Training Program. Don't get even - GET ODD!

A bit rambling perhaps, but I tend to do that now and again.

Respectfully,

Lee Darrow, C.Ht.

Thanks guys for the input. Some good points are made. Yes, in the dojo, the "tone" is pretty much set without much chance of being challenged verbally as in public.

Respect is taught in the dojo and usually practiced amoungst most of us. As mentioned, some sensei's do tend to get a bit egotistical and possibly do forget what the "real" world is. No Pedestals out there.

Fortunately, most i have encountered are of respect and good character. Yet i have seen the other also.

What upsets me mostly is the lack of ability to control the "inner" anger that wants to respond in an unacceptable manor fights with the "disciplined" self remiding me to maintain control.

It is the "aftermath" that is difficult in knowig that energy was wasted and non reversable consequences could result in a split second.

"Keeping face" as one tries to "bow out" of a confrontational situation is one of the most challlenging things to deal with.

Respectfully,



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Gary S.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote

I hear you Gary,

I am not without faults either though. I am always amazed at how calm I can be when something goes wrong while I am in the dojo.

Outside the dojo is different though. I do not know why. I have often enraged other drivers, who were being just as idiotic and uncaring as you described above, when I should have just said or did nothing. I almost got into a brawl with someone who I had no clue as to his size or if he was even carrying a weapon. Fortunately he never got out of his car or I would have been much later opening the dojo than I wanted to be.

I understand the job that you do Gary. I assume that you are refering to customers and the way they treat you as an employee. Everyone is familiar with the saying the customer is always right and customers know this as well. However it shouldn't mean that they can be rude.Mental harm can injure but you can't return with physical harm. Let the sleeping tiger lay. Save your rage for the jerks that mean to cause you phsical harm.

If you wish to put some of these people in their place however, there are many good books you can read on how to be subtle without losing your job in the process.



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Len

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote

For some yes. For others no.

There is no need to think that you will lose face by not agreeing to be in confrontation.

Especially someone (like you Gary) who has risked your body in tournaments against others who are more highly skilled than anyone who may confront you. What makes you think that you will lose face? Will you be taunted? So what. You know deep down that you have nothing to prove to these people.

They don't even deserve to be shown that you can pulverize them if you wish. I feel if you do have to prove it to them...then you will lose face.


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Len

Lenny,

Thanks for the complimetary word. Funny we should be on this subject at this time. As today at work i had verbal confrontation with the store manager (highest authority) and stood my ground with him where others i think would not.

Realizing at one point that the security of mainatining my job position was possibly in harms way, i continued to hold my ground.

It was a matter of principle in that i was not about to allow the misrepresentation of words to compromise what i knew to be the truth.

People in authoritive positions often feel that their power is beyond question. The "tiger within" woke today and may have cost me my job. However, i believe i was respected later for confronting the situaton and not bowing down.

Unfortunately, one can be right in a confrontatonal situation and still loose in the end.

When to speak up and when to shut up can be a difficult call at times. I beleive that it is losing face "within the self" that at times appears challenged ?

Respectfully,

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Gary S.

Gary,
Funny how signing your check can give the guy a feeling like they are more powerful than you. Ever see guys kiss up to the boss on payday? Customers are ultimately the real boss in retail, they make the decisions on the items you carry etcetera. Sometimes in the Dojo I have the feeling the parents look at you like a babysitter. They don't understand the blood, sweat and time it takes to become not only a blackbelt but an instructor.
f.

Fred,

Although i don't and have not taught children's classes, i can apprecieatte what you say. I know several instructors that do and from what i understand, the "parents" are often more of a problem than the children.

Possibly they don't understand the disipline that is being taught in the dojo and that "Johnny" is just another face in the class.

I have heard some stories that make me respect those who do teach children. The "dojo" may be the oly place where some of them are getting any real disipline and repect.

Often in stores (especially my job) Home Depot, i often see children running about "out of control". We as "associattes" often have to speak to the parents and/or children regarding their safety in the store.

On the other hand, i have seen some very "impressive" children well manored and practicng respect and disipline in dojo's.

Surely the instructors create that attitude in the dojo's.

Great job to you's who teach them !

Respectfully,


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Gary S.

Hello My Uechi Friends,

Interesting topic about dealing with the public. I have done so for almost 18 years. I was a CSR for Shaws in my late teens into my early 20's and for the past 9 years have owned a transportation company. I must say overall things have been great. However, at times I would like to reach into the back of the car and pull the person right over the seat. Think about this- The driver doesn't have the chance to walk away from the client. They are trapped. Unless we pull the car over. As of yet that has not happend. At least in a store setting you can get some cooling off room between you.

I keep and share a list of "deadbeats" with some of the companies in the area. If someone doesn't treat us in a proper way for what ever reason, I put them on the list. I am not perfect and my drivers are not either. But we all should be treated with respect.

I put up a post on Van's file, "Tune out or Turn It On." Would love some feedback from you all.

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Jay Carvalho

I work as a salesmanager in a large professional new car dealership. We all know the used car saleman jokes and the poor image the bad apples give the good guys but customers can be more dishonest than the dealers. Many times people will lie about the "price they got at the dealer down the street" or even not disclose serious previous body damage or lien information.

We have to make the customer feel important yes, but there are those customers that just aren't worth having.
And the ones who engage me for verbal kumite are going to pay much more. The one with the money in the end is the one who wins!