I've been asked to speak....little help?!?

[Valkenar]

I spoke also with my daughter and her boyfriend last night (both in that age range) and they suggested really straight talk -- honest and without trying too hard to relate.

That would be my caution, though I'm a little older (almost 30) now. Nothing is more off-putting than someone trying to be cool and failing. Not that you aren't cool, but teens especially are very sensitive to condescension and people trying come off like they're part of their scene when they aren't.

I don't know anything about woodworking, really, but for an at-risk group I'd probably pitch it like "Here's a way to make money that's pretty fun, let's you be your own boss and is about making stuff you can be proud of." And talk about what you personally like about it.

[Chris McKaskell]

Thanks everyone, for your help and suggestions.

It was a small group so I was able to bring them all closer together and form a group around me -- almost like teaching MA.

I had a list of things I needed to cover (thanks Fred), and managed to get my message out slowly and methodically while asking them lots of questions about themselves and telling stories about challenges, projects and people I've worked with.

I managed to keep them engaged throughout, but wow -- it's such a fragile age!

Extremes: one participant was just entering 11 th grade and wanted to follow in her father's footsteps and become a cabinetmaker; the other extreme had dropped out as a teen and was trying to create a new sense direction at 24.

Anyway, it went very well --

Dana, I printed a copy of that car and used it as an example of thinking outside the box -- cabinets and buildings are, when you seek their true essence, really just boxes. And that car is, in many ways, simply a cabinet too(sure it's a pretty spectacular cabinet that goes vroom, but still a cabinet)

The message they got from the analogy was that really spectacular things can be created when they are simplified and tackled one tiny step at a time -- like building their careers.

Many thanks,

Chris

[Bill Glasheen]

Preparation works, no?

Congratulations.

- Bill

[CornMaiden]

Ben Franklin would be proud that you prepared and did well...“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

I laud your success.

Corn Maiden

[Van Canna]

Happy that it helped.

[Shana Moore]

Congrats Chris! Glad it went well!

[Van Canna]

The message they got from the analogy was that really spectacular things can be created when they are simplified and tackled one tiny step at a time -- like building their careers.

Good way to put it Chris...happy it went well.

[f.Channell]

All this could lead into a thread. I've seen people absolutely terrified of public speaking. Cowering in fear, breaking out with weird rashes. What is it which is so terrifying to some?
Is this a primal fear for some?
How would this hesitation or uncertainty during a conversation be perceived by a predator?

Anyway could be a topic for here, or another thread.
Verbalizing loudly with what I call power words, "No", "Stop" is something I do with my young sudents, but sometimes is a weakness with the older ones.
F.

[Chris McKaskell]

Fred, Interesting -- And worth disussing:

A story that comes to mind right away is one of my female students who's somewhere in her 50's. She was brought up in a strict, religious, french canadian household and was well trained to be silent and obedient (her description).

We were working scenarios awhile ago and found she could not raise her voice beyond a whisper when giving simple commands.

I was calling them 'alpha commands', and I decided to work with her one on one to see if I could help -- it was really tough.

She finally got it, but I could see it was triggering a deep emotional response -- tears were coming and she kind of collapsed in on herself.

She's much better at it now, but it still needs some work. Nothing traumatic in her past as far as I know -- just a lot of intense childhood training. (just )

That's an extreme, but I suspect we've all encountered people who were afraid to speak out -- I suspect it's one reason people try MA in the first place.


Oh, for the record - I wasn't given much notice about my small presentation: they asked me the afternoon before I posted asking for help. Thanks, again!

[Bill Glasheen]

Chris

There is a nature vs. nurture dichotomy to your female student issue. Those of us who have bred dogs or grew up in large families understand it. For instance... My sister did a breeding of a champion Dane bitch to a best-in-country stud, and got 11 puppies from the litter. She stashed one of the males with me (Brandon), because she wasn't sure his rear would develop right (it did). When she came back at age 2 and saw what I had, she promptly exchanged him with another male (Big Guy).

Brandon and Big Guy came from the same litter. They were both bottle-fed by the same women because the mother developed an infection. So their environment couldn't be any more similar. But both physically and behaviorally, they couldn't be more different. Brandon was a beast with a massive chest. He got close to 200 pounds at his maturity. And he was really full of himself. Big Guy was a taller, leaner lap dog. The former was perfect for the show ring, and became a champion. The latter was the perfect pet. I would tell people that if I let Brandon and Big Guy off the leash in front of my apartment, in 5 minutes Brandon would be a mile away in hunt for pootang, while Big Guy would be inside my apartment on the couch waiting for my girlfriend to sit with him.

I have a karate student who is 100 pounds in wet clothing. But that girl has a voice and she has an attitude. She wears the pants in her family. And it's not like her parents didn't try. She tells stories of her mom chasing her around the home with a belt, all while she spouted out sarcastic comments.

Each student who walks in the dojo is different, and we don't often know why. I'll go as far as to say many students' experiences which bring them into the dojo are a result of their DNA-given personalities and hormone profiles. Each student represents a unique challenge to the instructor. The good teachers realize that, and act accordingly - as you did.

- Bill

[Chris McKaskell]

Point taken, Bill.

I should like to add that I edited that post. I failed to mention that the description of her upbringing and linking it as causal to her difficulty with assertiveness was her's -- not my interpretation.

So, what is a fear of public speaking about?

[Bill Glasheen]

So, what is a fear of public speaking about?

Being Irish and having the gift of gab (to a fault), I wouldn't know...

My worst speaking situations happened when my material wasn't good.

An interactive talk where the audience can ask questions can be very confrontational. Those questions asked in public for all to see can be perceived as personal attacks. Not everyone has the stomach for it. Others however crave the challenge.

I've seen some perfectly horrible speaking through the years. The absolute worst is folks who type out a talk and read it in public. The truth is though that most can't do it any other way. They can't think and speak on their feet. That is an acquired skill. Until you have it, it's a pretty scary thing to do - again, in public for all to see and react to.

It's not a lot different from doing kata or yakusoku kumite vs. doing jiyu kumite. Same idea of use of language; different grammar and vocabulary.

- Bill

[f.Channell]

That's why you prepare questions for the audience in speech prep Bill. You only ask them questions you know the answer for!

F.

[Van Canna]

One technique I learned is _ if you don't like a question being asked:

You say...good question...I'll have to think about that...then move to the next question in the crowd...

You must control the crowd...not the other way around...

[Bill Glasheen]

On the flip side...

Lately I've found that folks ask questions where the answers are on my next slide. When that happens, it's a good sign that you've organized your talk well and the audience is engaged.

- Bill