What would you do?

[JimHawkins]

If you have to deal with this kind of thing--I doubt I would say anything since around here there would be too many folks--you'd have to make up fliers....

But if you have to--I'd say handle it like an 'annoying old lady' would, very politely, but terribly on the mark..

In earshot of most of the folks there in the store:
"Excuse me sir, SIR....? I'm sure you didn't realize, but you parked in a handicapped space, AGAIN.. Wouldn't it be nice if some handicapped person could use THAT space, like my brother/son/father who was wounded fighting for our great country? I'm sure you want to support our handicapped veterans right?"

"Thank you!"

If that doesn't work and you really want to nail the guy just come a little early and wait for him, when he parks block him in and call the police and report it in such a way that they actually come..

Wait there until they do come.. When he tells you to move it, just say--"Wow sorry it won't start---hold on a minute---do you have jumpers?" Etc...

Until the cops come...

[TSDguy]

I agree, Ian. I think people are seeing the fact that the guy has a porsche and a cell phone and getting a very specific view of him. I'm not saying the guy ISN'T an #####, but it's because of him parking in the handicap spot, not that he likes nice cars.

I am by no means rich and feel perfectly at home in a biker bar doing tequila shots, but the other day I went to a wedding in a nice suit driving a rented benz. I can recognize quality too.

Edit: I realize my point isn't Ian's point, and I'm not defending the guy. I just wonder if people are taking offense at the right thing.

[Stryke]

Any mockery of the porsche coffee and cell phone usage was purely humour on my part .

I`m actually pretty much in line with Jim , its not a big deal unless you make it one , you can criticise someone without it being overtly hostile , if they go postal thats another issue .

If you fear that or dealing with the percentage , then better to not say anything at all

[Bill Glasheen]

Can you describe this guy, Bill?

• About 30 year old white male.
• Short, dark hair. With clothing and haircut, he had the look of a professional. No suit and tie, but professional or "preppy" appearance.
• In the 3 times I saw him, his ear was constantly on the cell phone. He was in his own world the way you see people in the gym with head phones on.
• He was trim without being overly muscular. He was probably just short of 6 feet.
• I don't recall seeing a wedding band on his hand. But then I wasn't looking...

What percent of this was about the parking space, and what percent of it was about this guy being a ******-bag?

There was very little ability to interact with this person, Ian. He was completely in his own world, avoiding contact with others. Without his parking behavior, it would take an extra effort to find out what kind of person he was unless you want to judge the content of someone's character by the clothes they wear and the car they drive. So I'd say 100% parking combined with an inability to communicate with him concerning his illegal and socially inappropriate behavior.

Would the response have differed if he was just in a hurry?

Almost everybody in a 7-Eleven at 8:15 AM is in a hurry. He otherwise blended in. This is commuting time, Ian. There's a code of behavior associated with everyone getting from point A to point B as efficiently as possible. Sunday drivers know better than to come out at this time of day.

This 7-Eleven gets a mixture of West End moms (well-to-do driving their mommy SUVs), Mexican workers in clusters, blue collar types, University of Richmond faculty and staff, St. Christopher's or St. Catherine's faculty and staff, and a small number who live near there. It's near Libbie and Grove, which is a place where you can go in any number of directions. There are also a number of very nice "regional" shopping and eating places within walking distance. The neighborhood has real sidewalks, and people can be seen jogging or walking a lot of interesting dogs. It's older Richmond, but very West End. It's the antithesis of mall city. I'm willing to bet that Patricia Cornwell has commented on this area in one of her novels.

If it was a beat up Civic?

The make of the car only mattered in the sense that it made me hypothesize why he would engage in such an inappropriate action. People in a beat up Civic generally don't park their car at the far end of a parking lot - as I sometimes do - to minimize the risk of it getting dinged or scraped. People in a beat-up Civic generally don't take up 2 spaces so that nobody will park close and bang their car when they open their door. (I've seen this behavior.)

I do note who parks in a handicap space, Ian. And I have commented in the past if I see someone park there without the proper plate. That behavior on my part is irrespective of the vehicle they are driving. Usually the party will reach in and grab the little handicap thingie and hang it on their rear view mirror. I'll then smile and apologize, and explain I want to make sure the space is clear for their use.

I like the car, Ian. (You should know me...) I'll very often strike up a conversation with someone who drives a nice car or motorcycle. The last two such conversations were with a person driving a brand new Shelby Cobra (at a Starbucks), and another driving an unusual Porsche/Harley bike (in front of a 7-Eleven). If I was a single lad...

What if there were multiple handicapped spaces, which there so often are, usually none and sometimes just one in use?

Given my past behavior, I still would have wanted to comment.

The big difference here, Ian, is the inability to get the person's attention in a discrete manner, and the persistence of his inappropriate behavior. The sense of déjà vu I got cannot be understated. He was parking in "his" spot. And I have never seen someone do quite what he does unless a law officer on a call.

There is also an element here similar to behavior you see on the road. You'll see someone weaving back and forth in front of you, or driving in a "ponderous" manner (not going with the flow of traffic). That makes me very nervous, and I generally try to pass such a person. I'm beyond the age and lack of maturity where I feel a need to express my middle finger; I just want out. Alcohol? Almost never. Usually it involves a person absorbed in a cell phone conversation. On occasion - such as yesterday - you see some poor sap trying to read directions off a piece of paper. Both are really bad ideas. Both can get you in big trouble while driving. I want no part of that accident waiting to happen.

If you call yourself a real martial artist, you'll never walk around in public socially disengaged like this. Perhaps there was an element of that in my behavior towards him. He appeared either pathologically clueless or arrogant. He was predictable when challenged, sort of like a teenager. I'm sure he had no clue whom he was talking to (education, socioeconomic status, athletic ability, etc.), which was fine by me. I had no desire to show my hand.

- Bill

[Van Canna]

•

About 30 year old white male.
• Short, dark hair. With clothing and haircut, he had the look of a professional. No suit and tie, but professional or "preppy" appearance.
• In the 3 times I saw him, his ear was constantly on the cell phone. He was in his own world the way you see people in the gym with head phones on.
• He was trim without being overly muscular. He was probably just short of 6 feet.

I can understand that in such instances ‘emotional high-jack’ takes over rational thinking in most of us.

But it is important to look at anyone as a potential ‘hand to hand’ enemy…always…and the ramifications of ‘enemy evaluation’ _

I am sure that if the guy had been a big b#$% guy…6’ 4” 300 lbs with a mean look on his face, or an obvious gangbanger wearing ‘colors’ _ Bill’s response would have been the same.

But here is where my strategy instincts and training come into play…

Assuming such a person gets violently triggered while in the store_ or its parking lot _ by Bill’s accusations and comments…the risks to all in the store are many.

How to live with possible serious repercussions is part of strategic thinking.

But…let’s face it…emotional high-jack…is King here.

Let me give you another example, something I observed.

A person driving a very expensive and gleaming new car _ parks it properly in a huge mall parking lot way off the main entrance in a semi secluded area with empty spaces all around.

Upon returning to her car…she observes in consternation that a pick up truck has parked with its right side just a few inches from her car’s left side doors. She has no way to get in except by crawling in from the passenger side door.

Obviously something done on purpose.
What’s going through your mind now, and how would you handle it?

[Van Canna]

The make of the car only mattered in the sense that it made me hypothesize why he would engage in such an inappropriate action.

The sense of deja vu I got cannot be understated. He was parking in "his" spot. And I have never seen someone do quite what he does.

It is that sense of ‘entitlement’ coupled with the ‘Fuk _ you’ [Captain] and ‘who’s gone make me’ attitude that is hard to swallow…I get a mini ‘cocktail’ just writing this, and I empathize with Bill.


Had you put the store mgr on notice, would he have said something to the guy, or let it slide? Would he have called the police? And if so, would the police have responded and how quickly would a police car have made an appearance?

[Bill Glasheen]

Let me give you another example, something I observed.

A person driving a very expensive and gleaming new car _ parks it properly in a huge mall parking lot way off the main entrance in a semi secluded area with empty spaces all around.

Upon returning to her car…she observes in consternation that a pick up truck has parked with its right side just a few inches from her car’s left side doors. She has no way to get in except by crawling in from the passenger side door.

Obviously something done on purpose.
What’s going through your mind now, and how would you handle it?

Obviously someone trying to yank your chain for no socially acceptable reason. You're dealing with borderline sociopathic behavior.

It's likely a one-time deal. Best to take a few pictures with your cell, and then drive on.

Want to know what will get a response out of me? Seeing how someone flicked a lit cigarette into the slightly-cracked window of your vehicle in a parking lot on a hot summer day. Funny... my mom used to have us crack our windows when I was a child. But she always cautioned us not to crack it too much so it would be easy to flick a cigarette inside. She must have had it happen to her... I had it happen to me once. The guilty party obviously was smarter than to be around.

- Bill

[Van Canna]

Another 'invisible man' trick is to OC spray the driver's window at the cracks

Then buy coffee, go outside and enjoy the show.

[Bill Glasheen]

You dog, Van...

- Bill

[Van Canna]

It's likely a one-time deal. Best to take a few pictures with your cell, and then drive on.

Very good advice.

But as you drive on by backing up _ your driver's door can be opened a few inches as it goes by the other vehicle's right rear tire.

Just stick a good sharp blade into the tire and keep going.

[IJ]

The whole thing is interesting because the annoyance it provokes is out of proportion to the problem. In theory, if the handicapped person does arrive (unlikely), at worst they wait 5 minutes while this guy gets coffee. People do stuff that sets my day back five minutes ALL the time.... but its not that annoying.

This guy is entitled and self centered. When I drive and park I am always thinking about others and how we're interacting. This guy views the planet as automatons that stand between him and his coffee and his very important (more so than yours, too) life.

Here in cali, maybe its the pot, but people are always drifting across 5 lanes of traffic on a cell phone doing their makeup at the last second when the lanes were clearly marked for the exits 2 miles back. And zooming thru rain. If you're not familiar with it, it must be safe! Back in boston its rude, aggressive, and unsafe, here there's a clueless factor. And the Beamer / Jetta / Rims-Stupid-Spoiler-Racing Stripe tools they use add to it.

But its less annoying than the ******-bag at the store. Even though that isn't unsafe. I think it's because of the higher level of interpersonal involvement when someone does take a handicapped space so brazenly... if he could cut you off unsafely over coffee THAT would get a reaction.

Isn't that interesting?

[Bill Glasheen]

But its less annoying than the ******-bag at the store. Even though that isn't unsafe. I think it's because of the higher level of interpersonal involvement when someone does take a handicapped space so brazenly... if he could cut you off unsafely over coffee THAT would get a reaction.

Isn't that interesting?

Grossman's written about this very thing in On Killing, Ian. (Section III - Killing and Physical Distance) It's much easier to conduct a Nintendo war than it is to shoot someone. The closer you get, the more difficult the confrontation gets.

On the defensive side, it's all the more reason to look someone in the eyes if you think they're trying to mess with you. It improves your odds.

Maybe what makes it so galling is the personal nature of it, Ian. Behind a wheel or in front of a keyboard people behave differently than they would when their faces are exposed. When someone commits an antisocial act when you can see the whites of their eyes, it's all the more personal.

In my opinion it does put this fellow in a unique category.

- Bill

[Van Canna]

Hey Bill,
What would you do to her?



Oh well...she's a movie star.

[Van Canna]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlO8EyV6 ... re=related

[Van Canna]

Once when my son was a baby and I was driving a little honda civic hatchback, a guy boxed me in and left me zero room to get into my car. I was boxed in on the other side too. I was so pissed off at these people’s lack of simple consideration that I keyed the crap out of the car of the worst offender. This person was driving a huge boat, parked on an angle, and had tons of room on the other side. Dang I was angry