Protecting The Gift
My wife and I both read Gavin DeBecker’s new book last week. Highly recommended! Some things he wrote about were to us obvious ways to protect your children from harm, i.e. strangers. Some things are not obvious to everyone as some of his case stories demonstrate.
He cited statistics about stranger kidnappings which are vastly overstated and cause people to worry way too much. Not to say don’t be prepared. He used a simple acronym to remember when you’re out with your kids, ACE. Deny people Accessibility to your kids. Don’t put them in a position where someone could use Cover to grab your kid, and stay between the child and any Exits to wherever you are.
One important point he wrote about was not to tell your young children to go to a Police officer if they become lost or separated from you. His point was that very young children don’t know the difference between a genuine law enforcement officer and a mall security guard. Security companies it seems don’t have the best records of hiring upstanding citizens. Tell them to go to a woman, any woman. Why? Women are almost never sexual predators and they will drop everything and won’t rest until the child is safe. A man may send the child to a mall cop.
A lot of treatment in selecting caregivers.
There were some sections that repeated parts of “The Gift of Fear”, but this was only to reinforce the fact that you can’t protect your children if you are incapacitated first.
Kevin
Protecting The Gift
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Protecting The Gift
Hi Kevin-san,
Thanks for the review. I am also reading the book and recommend it to every one who cares for or about children.
The whole treatment on strangers was excellent - meriting it's own thread on the children's forum perhaps - but it also applies here - DeBecker does advocate teaching children to go to a woman when needing help - and to learn to evaluate and approach strangers! He describes one mother's exercise with her children - that sounds very instructional - the nature of the exercise is to have them seek out strangers for various tasks - finding the time, asking directions etc. After the child completes the task - the adult then discusses with the child why they chose who they did - what indicators made them feel safe in approaching that person etc. DeBecker argues that a child who learns to assess strangers and become comfortable talking to them is more likely to successfully handle a stressful situation. Additionally, most crimes against children involve people who are NOT strangers to the children - so that kills the whole stranger fear that we drive into our kids memories. Certainly well intentioned - but misguided.
Another reason to teach children to approach strangers, is that if they are in need of help, and CHOOSE who they go to, they are statistically almost immune from choosing a predator - a predator on the other hand will be sniffing out children who need assistance and will approach the child. Better to have thc child in control of who they seek assistance from.
Best advice for women AND children, when needing assistance for anything, from a flat tire to directions, seek out a woman. May sound sexist, but as DeBecker states in his book, most crimes against children and women are NOT committed by women! So your chances are better going to a woman for help.
Nothing is a guarantee. But all we can do is prepare and be aware.
Peace,
Lori
Thanks for the review. I am also reading the book and recommend it to every one who cares for or about children.
The whole treatment on strangers was excellent - meriting it's own thread on the children's forum perhaps - but it also applies here - DeBecker does advocate teaching children to go to a woman when needing help - and to learn to evaluate and approach strangers! He describes one mother's exercise with her children - that sounds very instructional - the nature of the exercise is to have them seek out strangers for various tasks - finding the time, asking directions etc. After the child completes the task - the adult then discusses with the child why they chose who they did - what indicators made them feel safe in approaching that person etc. DeBecker argues that a child who learns to assess strangers and become comfortable talking to them is more likely to successfully handle a stressful situation. Additionally, most crimes against children involve people who are NOT strangers to the children - so that kills the whole stranger fear that we drive into our kids memories. Certainly well intentioned - but misguided.
Another reason to teach children to approach strangers, is that if they are in need of help, and CHOOSE who they go to, they are statistically almost immune from choosing a predator - a predator on the other hand will be sniffing out children who need assistance and will approach the child. Better to have thc child in control of who they seek assistance from.
Best advice for women AND children, when needing assistance for anything, from a flat tire to directions, seek out a woman. May sound sexist, but as DeBecker states in his book, most crimes against children and women are NOT committed by women! So your chances are better going to a woman for help.
Nothing is a guarantee. But all we can do is prepare and be aware.
Peace,
Lori
Protecting The Gift
Our four youngsters are taught to seek out ANY cashier if they are separated from us. That way we are reasonably sure where to look for them, and that they are going to be taken care of. We actually practice this on occasion in a big place such as a mall or Wal-Mart -- not leaving them, of course, but having them walk us to the nearest cashier. On one occasion a child actually wandered away from us...and showed up at the cashier!
Ippon!
Michael
Ippon!
Michael
